SCOW CREEK ISLAND NEWS MAGAZINE - News, Business, Sports...

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“RANGER” DANGER

In three different Departments this past week – Kismet, Atlantique, and Cherry Grove – residents have reported being accosted by Private Security Forces claiming to be government law enforcement officials.

Commandant Raúl Rivera of the Scow Creek Coast Guard warns residents that these self-proclaimed “Rangers” are not in any way connected to the government of Scow Creek.

“Ten years ago, the people of our islands drove out the Pointers (residents of Woods Point) and their private security forces,” Rivera said. “In the last year, we have seen a resurgence of these uniformed goons harassing our citizens in sudden raids, usually in remote locations. What is particularly worrisome is that they appear to be recruiting men into their ranks from around the world. Coupled with the statement from the ClubHouse in Qúpsóg last week, this is a troubling omen.”

Last week, the Governing Club of Qúpsóg issued a statement denying the legitimacy of the government of Scow Creek.

Up to 18 people have been illegally detained and questioned in the dunes east of Cherry Grove, and were threatened with arrest for nudity, a Constitutionally-protected right in the Kingdom. Yesterday, men claiming to be “Rangers” confiscated alcohol from a party of beachgoers in Atlantique at gun point, declaring a re-imposition of Prohibition. In both cases, the victims were unable to discern the Ranger’s accents, validating concerns that they had begun recruiting from distant shores.

“Your best defense is a visible, concerted offense,” said Rivera. “Creekers are allowed to carry their firearms, and it’s a good idea to show these thugs that we will not back down.”
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WATER WOES EXACERBATE SPOILS CRISIS

As the Kingdom Assembly continues to meet in an effort to resolve the Spoils Crisis in the Tisó Iqepo Wilderness Area, the issue has been made more complicated by water tests that have just come back from the National Lab: e coli isasterde, a virulent, long-lived and highly toxic bacetria, has been detected in seriously elevated quantities in the waters just off the Wilderness.

According to Liá EÞeraba at the Lab, “The maximum safe limit of e coli isasterde is 200 colonies per ml of water. We took 8 samples from the area recently subject to the illegal dredging in the Wilderness area, and all 8 samples tested between 1,000 and 3,000 colonies per ml. No one, under any condition, should be bathing in that water, and they certainly shouldn't be eating fish or shellfish taken from those waters.”

EÞeraba was unable to identify the source of the bacteria.

“This particular strain is almost always transmitted through the blood or feces of mammals,” she said, “and what worries us is that it can live for extended periods in water where it colonizes seafood resources. We have never seen this strain in our waters, though it is common in warmer waters south of here.”

When asked if the dredging could have stirred up or increased the reproduction of the bacteria, EÞeraba was emphatic: “No. These colonies do not respond to mud and sand being disturbed…more likely, it indicates a sudden, infected mammalian presence in our waters.”

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ENVIRONMENT MINISTER TRAVELS TO ŠÍNÍQÓQ NATION

After almost a week of grueling negotiations with the Governing Club of Cupsogue over the recent Dredge Spoils crisis, Environment Minister Tódd Eríqsén has suddenly departed for the Šíníqóq Nation. Neither Eríqsén nor his ministry office returned calls to this paper concerning the reasons for this visit.

About 300 years ago, the Šíníqóq people inhabited the lands currently in the Scow Creek domain. For a variety of reasons: disease, conflict with migrants, a series of brutal winters – the Šíníqóqs abandoned the islands and relocated on the mainland.

For many years, it was assumed that the Šíníqóqs were lost as a people as they were assumed into the greater mainland society created by the Continental Federation. However, a remnant of Šíníqóqs have entrenched themselves on a peninsula of the mainland and have existed as an independent nation since that time. Largely isolationist and resource-poor, they have dwelt relatively unnoticed by both Continental and Island cultures since their removal. Geographically, the nation of Qúpsóg - currently governed by the ex-Pointers who have admitted responsibility for the Dredge Spoils incident – is the closest Island nation to the peninsula on which the Šíníqóqs dwell.

It is widely rumored that Eríqsén’s visit to the Šíníqóqs is part of a government effort to isolate the Cupsoguans and resolve the Dredging Crisis.

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CENSUS BEGINS: TECH SCHOOL DORMS AT ISSUE

The Constitution dictates that in each Gregorian Calendar Year ending in the digit “4” or “9,” the Kingdom shall conduct a census whose primary purposes are to determine the number of Assemblymen each Department is entitle to, and to determine the official languages of each Department. Any language spoken by more than 5% of the residents of any Department during the Quinquennial Census automatically becomes an official language.

In 2009, the Kingdom’s first census, no major controversies arose, as the vast majority of Creekers embraced the language diversity requirements of the Constitution. However, a growing number of residents of Raynortown, a small Department in the Sedges, are growing nervous over the impending opening of DóQléft Technical College.

“Look, we are proud and excited that the new tech school is opening in our Town,” said local resident Eli SmíÞ. “It will be great for the fishing trade and add some life to our community. But I don’t think that a dormitory should determine the outcome of local elections. They don’t really ‘live’ here; they are staying here temporarily.”

According to Census & Statistics Minister Jín Buríl, the ministry intends to give students the right to declare their Dormitory room as their home for voting and Census purposes.

“They are citizens, and they live there,” said Buríl. “We do not ask anybody in the Kingdom how long they intend to live in one place, nor do we require them to dwell in a single location for a stated period of time. College students are no different.”

The ministry intends to delay counting in Raynortown until after 01 SEP, at which point students will be settled in their dorms and can decide where to declare their residency. Dormitories for the Tech School cover eight acres of DóQléft Sedge in Raynortown, and, when full, will hold more than 60% of Raynortown’s population.

“If necessary, we will appeal to the Monarch,” said SmíÞ. We have welcomed this development with open arms, and it is simply unfair that we should be repaid by having our Department’s political process overrun.”

The Constitution grants the Monarch the sole authority to determine the number and boundaries of Departments.

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SPORTS UPDATES:
SCOW CREEK ATHLETES AT SUMMER OLYMPIC GAMES IN WISTERIA

More than a dozen athletes and several dozen Scow Creek residents are now in the Region of Wysteria for the Summer Olympic Games. Scow Creek Athletes hoping to score a medal include:

100 meter Sprint – Ive Uóqr
Steeplechase – Éd Qronénbúrg
Love Boat 5km /couples – Édú Létís & Snáø Úntr
Kayak – Dbl Mix 1000m – Índeú Uótrs
Rum–Down Hill/Down River – Únetú Mórgóretú
Diving – Tóme Tópr and Sánde Bóqs
Boxing – Qónr Qase
Gymnastics – Floor – Šárín DíQláp
Modern Pentathalon – Ógúst Šuts
Bossaball – The Blue Bulls (Burelo Ab’los)

We wish you all the best! Go get ‘em!
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SPORTS UPDATES:
BEACH VOLLEYBALL LEAGUE STANDINGS

Each contest consists of a maximum of 4 matches.
Teams win 3 points for a contest win, 1 point for a tie, and 0 for a loss.

Western Division Place, Team, Points
1 Saltaire Sportsmen 38
2 Rum Pt. Pirates 38
3 Eastern Sedges FC 30
4 Zach’s Bay Whitecaps 28
5 Oak Beach Rip Tide 25
6 Milburn Revolution 23
7 Raynortown Storm Surge 20
8 Gilgo Baymen 18
9 Kismet Impact 14

Eastern Division Place, Team, Points

1 Fair Harbor United 34
2 Pines MusselMen 32
3 Headlands Navigators 30
4 Cherry Grove Beef 30
5 Ocean Beach Drifters 27
6 Seaview Breach 26
7 Davis-Ridge Crew 26
8 Ocean Bay Park Union 23
9 Atlantique Fire 20

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THIS WEEKS NEWS BRIEFS:

1. KING ANNEXES UNCLAIMED SEDGE FOR FARM OPS
2. CENSUS PROGRESS
3. DÓQLÉFT TECHNICAL SCHOOL OPENS
4. SPORTS UPDATES

Current Exchange: 1 NS$ = 5.67 Míls 1 Míl = .18 NS$
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1. KING ANNEXES ‘UNCLAIMED SEDGE;’ MAJOR DREDGING, DEVELOPMENT INTENDED FOR AGRICULTURAL OPERATIONS

As a direct result of the recent Islands Economic Resiliency Symposium, King Tuathal has chosen to exercise His rights under Article 4 Section 4 of the Constitution to annex the formerly ‘unclaimed’ sedge that has historically served as a “no man’s land” barrier between the Kingdom and the Continental Federation.

Alternatively known through the years as “The Unclaimed Sedge,” “The Great Northern Sedge,’ “Verity Marsh,” and “Adams Island,” the area in question comprises over 1,200 acres and will require major construction.

According to Prime Minster Dán Tirél, the plans for the area solves several issues at once.

“As the Symposium pointed out, the Kingdom is almost in a crisis when it comes to food imports. We are currently unable to provide our own fruits, vegetables, grains, dairy, or meats, and the cost of importing is crippling. The entire purpose of this plan is to create arable land so we can being to provide for own people.”

It is expected that the thousands of tons of dredge spoils that were dumped illegally in the Tisó Iqepo Wilderness will be barged to the sedge and used as partial fill to elevate the area, which currently stands at barely half a meter above sea level.

“In addition, we will be dredging a new harbor to insure that all new residents of the island have access to their own dock, as well as a new houseboat colony. The Eastern side will be dredged and filled to create housing and a small village commercial center. A processing facility will also be constructed in the northwest corner, said Tirél.

Some Creekers privately expressed nervousness at the proximity of the island to the Continental Federation, and feared it may provoke a response from the mainland. However, according to Coast Guard Commandant Raúl Rívérá, the occupation of the island will actually prove to increase security.

“Right now, it is a barren island. If the mainland wished to attack us, it would provide no defense whatsoever. Our plans include the construction of a defensive stone wall along the entire northern edge of the island, which will serve as a solid defense structure. I don’t think we need to worry about an immediate response from the mainland, as they have currently pulled all of their troops into the large cities to handle the current riots. The outlying areas are essentially in a state of anarchy right now due to the lack of any security presence. If we are going to act, the time is now.”

According to Cabinet officials, the plan is to begin recruiting settlers both from within the Kingdom and from neighboring lands to populate the region and institute farming operations via a Homesteading Program. Potential settlers will be offered a small home and 20 acres of land for free in return for growing a meat, dairy, fruit, or vegetable crop for sale solely within the Kingdom.

In addition to security issues, skeptics have raised concerns that this endeavor will take too long to relieve the immediate high costs and shortages of basic foods. When pressed on this, Tirél responded with a smile, “This is not our only plan. Stay tuned.”



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2. EARLY CENSUS RESULTS SHOW HUGE INCREASES

Preliminary Census results show that the population in Scow Creek has probably more than doubled in the last 5 years, and that the majority of this increase is due to immigration.

Minister of the Census, Statistics, & Public Records Jín Buríl told this newspaper that significant shifts have also taken place, “…with enormous growth in the western part of the Nation. While not presuming to speak for the Monarchy, I think it’s reasonable to expect that this year will see some changes concerning the boundaries of the Departments and allocation of Assemblymen.” In Scow Creek, the King has absolute authority to determine the number and boundaries of the Departments, as well as the number of representatives each may have in the Assembly.

“In addition, we will certainly see some changes in official languages,” said Buríl. In Scow Creek, any language spoken by more than 5% of the residents in a Department automatically becomes an official language, and major government documents must be available in those languages. Buríl continued, “our open immigration policy, openness towards languages, and non-distinction between ‘residents’ and ‘citizens’ makes us a very attractive nation for immigration, and we are seeing the results of that openness in the 2014 census.”
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3. DÓQLÉFT TECHNICAL SCHOOL OPENS DOORS

With a first year enrollment of 540 students, the Dóqléft Technical school in Raynortown is now open. By working with area businesses, the school is incorporating apprenticeships that will prepare students for direct entry into careers in Aquaculture, Brewing & Distilling, Energy Systems, Marine Engines & Mechanics, Maritime Ecosystems, Medical Services, Navigation,
Residential Construction, and Sports & Recreation Management.
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4. SPORTS UPDATES:

WEEK 25
BEACH VOLLEYBALL LEAGUE STANDINGS
Each contest consists of a maximum of 4 matches.
3 points per contest win, 1 per tie, 0 per loss

The Rum Point Pirates have leaped over the Saltaire Sportsmen in the Western League, while the top spots in both Leagues are tightening up as the end of the season approaches.

Western League Points

1. Rum Point Pirates 45
2. Saltaire Sportsmen 42
3. Eastern Sedges BVC 42
4. Zach’s Bay Whitecaps 33
5. Oak Beach Rip Tide 31
6. Milburn Revolution 30
7. Gilgo Baymen 28
8. Rayortown Storm Surge 25
9. Kismet Impact 17

Eastern League Points

1. Fair Harbor United 43
2. Headlands Navigators 43
3. Pines MusselMen 42
4. Seaview Breach 33
5. Davis-Ridge Crew 33
6. Ocean Beach Drifters 31
7. Cherry Grove Beef 30
8. Ocean Bar Park Union 30
9. Atlatntique Fire 26

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Today’s Exchange Rate: 1µ = .17 NS$ 1 NS$ = 5.75 µ

In This Week’s News…

1. Fill, Construction begins on Verity Marsh
2. Coast Guard announces purchase of Five new patrol vessels
3. Continued Militarization on Mainland Threatens Outlying Region’s Way of Life.
4. Updates: Beach Volleyball League Standings

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1. Fill, Construction begins on Verity Marsh; First immigrants request Homestead Rights from Arnhem, Holland

Following the upswing in chaos in the Continental Federation on the mainland and the subsequent withdrawal of their forces to defend larger cities, the transformation of Verity Marsh, long viewed as an unclaimed, unpopulated “no-man’s land,” has proceeded at a dizzying pace.

“Significant dredging has already changed the face of the Island,” said Márqo Ádorno, the chief engineer appointed by King Tuathal to lead the project. “The new Abdinlo Canal has been dredged, creating a clear boundary between the Kingdom of Scow Creek and the mainland. In addition, the mudflats and marshes on the south side of the island have been fully excavated to prepare for the new Marina. With several barges of fill en route from the east, the Island will be ready earlier than expected for spring agricultural operations.”

The King declared the island, now being popularly referred to as “the Bay Colony,” under Scow Creek Control in response to warnings that a food crisis could be imminent if the nation did not find a way to begin some of its own food. The dredging and filling of the island, along with a simultaneous trade deal with the Algonquian Nations is expected to alleviate some of that projected shortage.

In order to populate the 1,200-acre island with farmers, the Monarchy has instituted a new Homesteading Program, awarding 20 acres of agricultural land free to any experienced farmers in exchange for their producing food goods for sale in the Kingdom. This week, an application from a collective of residents in Arnhem, Holland arrived requesting to tale advantage of the Homestead offer.

“These are precisely the kind of people we are looking for,” said Ádorno. They have experience both in farming, and in working canal-laced, sea-washed fields. As an added bonus, the high-density housing we have proposed on the east side of the marsh is precisely what the urban-dwelling Dutch farmers are familiar with in their homeland.

According to sources, major work still remains: the construction of canal walls in the proposed commercial district, the development of a food processing center, the erection of a defensive stone wall along the new Abdinlo Canal, and a process to allow for the mooring of more than 200 houseboats in the new marina.

“It will happen,” said Ádorno. “We are already weeks ahead of schedule.”

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2. Coast Guard announces purchase of Five new patrol vessels from the Republica Federal de Catalunya.



At a price of 76.5 U$ m [426míls in Scow Creek currency], Scow Creek Coast Guard Commandant Raul Rívéra announced the purchase of five new Barceló class Offshore Patrol Vessels, currently under construction in Barcelona.

“This purchase will enable us to fulfill our defensive duties towards our own residents as well as our new allies in the Algonquian Nations. We expect to deploy one of these ships at each of our five bases. They are small enough to maneuver our channels and back bays, but large enough to engage in defensive missions where necessary.”

The patrol boats will be stationed at the three existing stations in Zach’s Bay, Kismet, and Little Brewster Island, and at stations currently under construction in Qiánu and in the Algonquian Nations Port of Ság Harbor.

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3. Continued Militarization on Mainland Threatens Outlying Region’s Way of Life.

By all accounts, Shelburne Falls is one of the nicest areas in the Continental Federation: home to hundreds of artisans and craftsmen, it is an oasis of creativity in an empire that makes more news with its destructive firepower than with the arts. And as if to drive home the point that Shelburne Falls is “counter-culture” to its parent nation, the five foot bridges that span the Salmon River dividing the region are lined with flower gardens, as is just about every visible yard in the area.



But while art and flowers draw tourists with cameras and painters with brushes wishing to capture its beauty, the economic base of the region has just been dealt a possibly fatal blow: Taurus Forge, the largest independent firearms manufacturer left on the mainland, has been essentially told to cease production.

This week, Éduórd Bág, President of the 120-year old Shelburne Falls fixture, received a letter from the Continental Military Police informing him that “private arms sales are forthwith forbidden in the Federation. All production, sale, possession, and transfer of private firearms must cease immediately. Only licensed government security agents may lawfully possess firearms, which shall be issued by the federal government, effective immediately.”

“Our company produces small pistols and hunting rifles,” explained Bág. These are not the kind of firearms that the government is interested in purchasing. By outlawing private sales, they have essentially put us entirely out of business.

Worse, they have made it clear that they mean for the entire population to be completely disarmed and defenseless against their growing police state.”

The company employs more than half the residents of Shelburne Falls, and subsidizes much of the arts community.

“Our entire way of life is hanging by a thread,” said Bág.

Emergency meetings by local government officials have resulted in numerous suggestions for courses of action, including utilizing the neighboring Algonquian Nations or the Kingdom of Scow Creek to help transport stock out of the country for sale in foreign markets. Others have suggested that Taurus take advantage of their immediate neighbors in the quasi-tribal nudist colony of Rock River. The Rock River people are so secluded that no roads penetrate their mountain settlement, and access is only through treacherous footpaths. Continental Military Police have never bothered to attempt to reach that settlement at any time in recent memory.

It is widely rumored that the Monarch has dispatched a number of community leaders from the nearby Qúpsóg departments on a fact-finding mission to Shelburne Falls.

4. Sports Update: Beach Volleyball League Standings

WEEK 26
BEACH VOLLEYBALL LEAGUE STANDINGS
Each contest consists of a maximum of 4 matches.
3 points per contest win, 1 per tie, 0 per loss

In the Western League, the Milburn Revolution has one four games in a row, catapulting them into fourth place from sixth and positioning themselves for a slot in the playoffs. In the Eastern League, the Fair Harbor United, Headlands Navigators, and Pines MusselMen continue to jockey for the top three slots, leaving most other teams far behind..

Western League Points

1. Rum Point Pirates 51
2. Saltaire Sportsmen 42
3. Eastern Sedges BVC 42
4. Milburn Revolution 39
5. Zach’s Bay Whitecaps 34
6. Oak Beach Rip Tide 34
7. Gilgo Baymen 31
8. Rayortown Storm Surge 27
9. Kismet Impact 20

Eastern League Points

1. Headlands Navigators 49
2. Fair Harbor United 47
3. Pines MusselMen 46
4. Davis-Ridge Crew 36
5. Ocean Bay Park Union 36
6. Ocean Beach Drifters 35
7. Seaview Breach 33
8. Cherry Grove Beef 30
9. Atlantique Fire 29

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This Week’s News Briefs…

1. Continental Federation sends SWAT Team to Shelburne Falls; Scow Creek Responds
2. Kingdom Assembly to open 23 SEP to record number of Proposed Bills

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FEDERATION SWAT TEAM RANSACKS SHELBURNE FALLS IN PURSUIT OF FIREARMS; SCOW CREEK COAST GUARD SENDS AID, WARNINGS;
Observers fear actions will embroil the Kingdom in an unwinnable foreign war

QIÁNU, SCOW CREEK

A team of some two dozen military SWAT members descended on Shelburne Falls this week, destroying businesses and invading private homes in search of private firearms.

Two weeks ago, the Continental Military Police notified Éduórd Bág, President of the 120-year old Taurus Forge that “private arms sales are forthwith forbidden in the Federation. All production, sale, possession, and transfer of private firearms must cease immediately. Only licensed government security agents may lawfully possess firearms, which shall be issued by the federal government, effective immediately.”

The company employs more than half the residents of Shelburne Falls, and subsidizes much of the region’s enormous arts community.

According to Taurus foreman “About two dozen militarized SWAT officers descended on the plant two days ago, seeking to confiscate private firearms. They were puzzled to find nothing, as we had ceased production in cooperation with their order, and had no stock left. They did not believe us, and they killed [owner] Bág right there on the factory floor, and then left to pillage the arts community downtown.”

Reports indicate that storefronts and artist studios were ransacked, and damage in estimated to be in the hundreds of thousands of dollars to both buildings and art. The SWAT members were last seen heading to the neighboring region of Rock River, in search of weapons.

According the Coast Guard Base in Qiánu, the Scow Creek Coast Guard entered Continental Territory to send in humanitarian aid to the victims. “We are not involved in military operations,” said a spokesman for the Coast Guard.

However, residents report that a Scow Creek Coast Guard helicopter departed the base on the day the SWAT teams left Shelburne Falls, and dropped leaflets in the settled ravine far to the north in Rock River – a clear violation of Continental Federation air space, and an act which could embroil Scow Creek in the Federation’s chaos.

The Rock River people - a quasi-tribal nudist colony - are so secluded that no roads penetrate their mountain settlement, and access is only through treacherous footpaths along the river from the coast. If the SWAT team is indeed headed there, it will take them at least three days.

In the meantime, one Qiánu dock worker, speaking on condition of absolute anonymity, suggested that recent shipments from Shelburne Falls contain the firearm stocks that the SWAT teams were seeking.



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KINGDOM ASSEMBLY TO OPEN TO RECORD NUMBER OF BILLS
Military maneuvers, Road Construction, Constitutional Amendments Expected to Draw Heated Discussion

MILBURN, SCOW CREEK: A record number of bills are expected to be filed at this Autumn’s session of the Assembly, which opens on 23 SEP.

In addition to discussions on the current events in Shelburne Falls (see related article), bills are expected to be filed mandating national holidays; banning certain pesticides; establishing a buy-back program for home-produced renewable energy; and creating a road network and light rail system in the western islands and regulating motorized vehicles.

This last measure is expected to draw impassioned debate, as the Kingdom, in part, rebelled against the Woods Point Government when it executed eminent domain proceedings to run a paved road through the midst of the Fire Island departments.

In addition, it is expected that Constitutional Amendments including a Right-to-Farm provision; a national draft, rights to hunt, fish, and travel; establishing a Cabinet Ministry for Commerce; and devolving powers to the Departments will be debated.

Tunís Qorsa, King Tuathal I, will open the session, and announce the Kingdom’s departmental organization, Assembly Delegate apportionment for next year’s elections, and the official languages of the Departments as reorganized.

[Deleted]

SPECIAL REPORT
MAINLAND TURMOIL AND INTRIGUE: GOV’T SWAT TEAM SEEKS ASYLUM IN ROCK RIVER COMMUNITY; LEADERS IN ROCK RIVER, SHELBURNE FALLS SEEK SCOW CREEK PROTECTION
28 SEP 2014 SC

QIÁNU, SCOW CREEK: In a real-world military twist worthy of a spy novel, the SWAT team that ransacked Shelburne Falls two weeks ago and then invaded Rock River has now sought asylum in that community, as leaders from both communities appealed to Scow Creek to come under its protection.

Under orders from the Continental Federation, the SWAT team was originally sent to confiscate private weapons and shut down the Taurus Forge in Shelburne Falls. Upon finding that the weapons had been smuggled off of the mainland, they ransacked the town’s large art and retail district before leaving to turn their fury on neighboring Rock River.

The Rock River community has long enjoyed an isolated existence, as its only populated area is deep at the end of the rivers ravine, surrounded by dangerous vertical ledges on all sides. As the SWAT team made the three-day journey up the non-navigable river, the Scow Creek Coast Guard dropped warning flyers on a helicopter fly-over, incurring the criticism of the diplomatic community for invading air space and involving itself in another nation’s internal civil war.

The Rock River people could have conducted a serious guerilla war by positioning themselves on the ledges above the river; instead, they greeted the SWAT members with a feast.

The “River Rats,” as they affectionately call themselves, are a unique settlement of near-primitive conditions. The nearly 100% gay male community enjoy an entirely nudist existence, living a nomadic, hedonistic existence out of tents and rock campfires. Though many residents are transient, a core of ‘council elders’ occupies the center of the settlement and provides continuity and ‘peer pressure’ to insure a modicum of social rules and practices. A single trading post at the mouth of River insures a degree of trade with the outside world for necessities.

Aaron Derek, the leader of the SWAT team, gave an exclusive interview to this reporter on the sudden change of heart:

“All of us have been trained in a high degree of self-reliance, as well as reliance on our brothers in the team, and in outdoor survival skills. The primary time we get to execute those skills is when we are called upon to undertake a mission. Then we found these people here, and they are actually living, day-to-day, the very existence most of us crave.

We signed up to defend our nation from invasions. We were proud, loyal, patriots, each one of us. But our nation’s government has changed, and when we were sent to Shelburne Falls to confiscate private firearms, every one of us felt uneasy about that. You’re looking at a bunch of guys who are very comfortable around weapons, and who have been private firearms owners and shooters ourselves. After we received orders to pillage the village, none of us felt good about what went down.”
Derek continued:

“On the three-day journey up Rock River, we all went through some heavy soul-searching about what we were doing and what we were defending. When we were greeted by the “Rats,” we all felt the same way – that these people were living the way that we all wished we could, all the time. We had some serious heart-to-hearts, and all agreed that we needed to be fighting for these people, not against them. All twenty of us decided we wanted to stay.”

When asked about their lives at home in the Continental Federation, Derek replied,

“In an ironic way, they actually made this easy for us. Members of elite SWAT team units may not be married or have kids, nor can we own our own real estate or vehicles. We are actually leaving very little behind.”

Many have wondered if the wrath of the Continental Federation would now be visited upon the area. “I don’t think so,’ said Derek. ‘These mountains are impregnable, and when we were sent here it was made very clear that the CF considers this area ‘expendable.’ They are fighting much bigger battles in the huge cities, and see this area as little more than a small annoyance. They may, however, send another SWAT team, and that is why we think that we need to forge stronger ties with Scow Creek – they already have an efficient local force here in the Coast Guard Base at Qiánu. With their defense outside the community, and ours inside, I think we’re pretty good.”

But what about the free-loving, gay nudist lifestyle here? Derek gave a surprising answer:

“Look, all of us in the Team were trained to rely on each other for our very lives. We’ve lived in close contact with each other during every mission, and pretty much know each other’s deepest thoughts. A lot of us are much closer than many people probably imagine…I think we’ll get along just fine here. And if someone is uncomfortable and wants to leave, we won’t stop them.”

Indeed, this reporter noted that every member of the SWAT team had already shed their clothes and were clearing out tent spaces for themselves, side by side with the native villagers.

Meanwhile, the Assembly is scheduled to discuss Shelburne Falls’ request for military protection at tomorrow’s legislative session.

[Deleted]

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
03 OCT 2014 SC

ASSEMBLY RELEASES NEWLY PASSED CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS, LAWS;
People must adopt Amendments; Monarch must Act on Laws.

Proposed Constitutional Amendments

Amendment I

1. The Kingdom shall make no law infringing on the right of the people to engage in agricultural pursuits, or to hunt on their own land; or from processing, consuming, or offering for sale from their property the products thereof; and no such operation shall be found to be a public or private nuisance if the operation conforms to generally accepted management practices. Nothing in this Amendment shall prevent the Kingdom from prohibiting specific agricultural toxins or practices for the benefit of environmental or public health and safety.

2. The Kingdom shall make no law prohibiting the right of the people to hunt, fish, harvest shellfish, or forage on the public lands and waters of the Kingdom, to provide for their household needs. Nothing in this Amendment shall prevent the Kingdom from setting harvest limits and seasons, or from establishing temporary or limited no-harvest zones for sound reason, or from regulating commercial operations.

Amendment II

1. The Scow Creek Coast Guard shall constitute the chief military force throughout the Kingdom under the Commandant, who may authorize and organize minor or temporary strike teams or squadrons, reserves, and auxiliaries as necessary.

2. No resident shall be subject to forced conscription, and the military forces of the Kingdom shall be subject and inferior to national civilian authority. All members in active service shall retain all rights and privileges held by all other residents under this Constitution.

Amendment III

1. The Monarch, with the consent of the Assembly, shall appoint a Minister of Training and Commerce to oversee economic development and higher education and training facilities, and who shall serve as a member of the Cabinet.

2. The Citizens of the Kingdom shall elect, every five years, three Regional Senators to serve as Cabinet Members. Citizens residing on Onesge Island and departments west shall elect a Western Regional Senator; citizens residing on Fire Island shall elect a Central Regional Senator; and residents on Qúpsóg Island and areas east shall elect an Eastern Regional Senator. All such elections shall be held according to an Instant Runoff Voting Procedure.

3. The Minster of the Census, Statistics, and Public Records shall certify candidates for Regional Senate. Any candidate submitting nomination forms containing the signatures of 2% of the total population of the Region based on the last Census, who is a Citizen age 16 or over and resident of the Region, shall be so certified.

4. No member of the Assembly shall receive any salary or wage for serving in the Assembly.

Bill F14-001: Prohibition of Certain Insecticides

1. Possession, sale, and use of any insecticide that measured as slightly toxic or higher to honeybees (any species of the genus Apis), as measured by an acute Lethal Dose 50 at exposure of 100 micrograms or less per bee, and all neonicotinoid insecticides, are hereby prohibited.

2. Violations shall be punishable by fines to cover bee restoration with additional treble punitive damages, and/or state confiscation of poisoned property.

Bill F14-002: National Holidays and Compensation for Certain Employees

1. Official National Holidays shall consist of the following: New Year Days; St. Tuathal’s Day (March 28); Midsummer Days; Election Day (first Saturday in September every 5th year); Samhain (Oct 30); and Christmas (Dec 25).

2. Any employee of a Corporation who is required to work on an Official National Holiday shall receive a minimum of double their customary and usual wages for that day; and shall receive time-and-a-half for any work hours exceeding 40 in a customary work week. Service Employee’s tips shall not be counted towards meeting this requirement, and all such tips are exempt from taxation.


Bill F14-003: Permitted Motorized Vehicles

1. Motorized Land Vehicles shall be prohibited throughout the Kingdom, except as follows:

a. Wheelchairs and mobility-assistance vehicles; Utility and Emergency vehicles; and National Government Vehicles throughout the Kingdom;

b. Dune Buggies and Jeeps on sand roads, and, from Samhain through St. Tuathal’s Day inclusive, between the Primary Dune and the Ocean on Barrier Beach Islands;

c. Agricultural vehicles in the Departments of Bay Colony and Shelburne Falls;

d. Personal Jeeps, Motorcycles, and pickup trucks; and light commercial vehicles on paved roads;

e. Golf carts on paved or wooden Walks and docks;

f. Heavy equipment in the Department of Woodcleft, and elsewhere in the Kingdom when performing work.

2. This law shall not apply to any Coast Guard bases in the Kingdom, or to the Department of Ság Harbor.


Bill F14-004: Preserving the National Beach Culture

1. No for-profit corporation that is open to the public for business shall require any customer to wear shoes or clothing above the waist as a condition of entrance or service.

2. Violations of this act shall be punishable by fines of not less than 6,000 µ and not more than 25,000 µ per violation, to be paid to the offended customer.


Bill F14-005: An Act Establishing Secondary Education Facilities and Requirements

1. The Kingdom acknowledges that Primary Education remains the responsibility of the Residents of the Departments, and lauds the variety of structures currently in place. Nothing in this bill shall be construed as interfering with or establishing mandates for those efforts.

2. The Kingdom hereby authorizes the borrowing and spending of 35,000,000 µ for the construction of three Secondary Schools, one in each Region. Enrollment in these schools shall be available at no cost to all Residents turning age 14 during the year in which they enroll through the age of 20. A school schedule shall be based on full-time attendance for four years, from 01 SEP to 30 MAY.

3. As a condition of receiving a Diploma, students at each of these schools shall enroll in and pass the following subjects:

a. Elementary Algebra; Geometry; and Statistics;
b. History (2 years); Geography; and Scow Creek’s Constitution, Culture, and Laws;
c. Environmental Science; Meterology; and Maritime Ecology;
d. Atlantican (1 year); a second language (2 years); and a third language (1 year);
e. Physical Conditioning & Athletics (4 years); and Health;
and four years of the following (any one subject may be repeated multiple times):
f: Agriculture; Art; Carpentry; Electric Circuits; Fishing & Navigation; Hunting & Marksmanship; Instrumental Music; Plumbing; Theater;
and Vocal Music.

[Deleted]

FINAL VERSIONS OF BILLS AS SUBMITTED TO THE MONARCH AND APPROVED

Bills & Amendment Adopted by the Fall 14 Term of the Scow Creek Assembly
[Constitutional Amendments need to be approved by Citizen's Vote; Bills have all been Approved by the Monarch and go into effect immediately]

Bill F14-001: An Act to Prohibit Certain Insecticides

1. Possession, sale, and use of any insecticide that measured as slightly toxic or higher to honeybees (any species of the genus Apis), as measured by an acute Lethal Dose 50 at exposure of 100 micrograms or less per bee, and all neonicotinoid insecticides, are hereby prohibited.

2. Violations shall be punishable by fines to cover bee restoration with additional treble punitive damages, and/or state confiscation of poisoned property.

Bill F14-002: An Act to Establish National Holidays and Compensation for Certain Employees

1. Official National Holidays shall consist of the following: New Year Days; St. Tuathal’s Day (March 28); Midsummer Days; Election Day (first Saturday in September every 5th year); Samhain (Oct 30); and Christmas (Dec 25).

2. Any employee of a Corporation who is required to work on an Official National Holiday shall receive a minimum of double their customary and usual wages for that day; and shall receive time-and-a-half for any work hours exceeding 40 in a customary work week. Service Employee’s tips shall not be counted towards meeting this requirement, and all such tips are exempt from taxation.

Bill F14-003: An Act to Permit Certain Motorized Vehicles

1. Motorized Land Vehicles shall be prohibited throughout the Kingdom, except as follows:

a. Wheelchairs and mobility-assistance vehicles; Utility and Emergency vehicles; and National Government Vehicles throughout the Kingdom;

b. Dune Buggies and Jeeps on sand roads, and, from Samhain through St. Tuathal’s Day inclusive, between the Primary Dune and the Ocean on Barrier Beach Islands;

c. Agricultural vehicles in the Departments of Bay Colony and Shelburne Falls;

d. Personal Jeeps, Motorcycles, and pickup trucks; and light commercial vehicles on paved roads;

e. Golf carts on paved or wooden Walks and docks;

f. Heavy equipment in the Department of Woodcleft, and elsewhere in the Kingdom when performing work.

2. This law shall not apply to any Coast Guard bases in the Kingdom, or to the Department of Ság Harbor.

Bill F14-004: An Act to Preserve the National Beach Culture and Individual Liberties

1. No for-profit corporation that is open to the public for business shall require any customer to wear shoes or clothing above the waist as a condition of entrance or service.

2. Violations of this act shall be punishable by fines of not less than 6,000 µ and not more than 25,000 µ per violation, to be paid to the offended customer.

Bill F14-005: An Act to Establish Secondary Education Facilities and Requirements

1. The Kingdom acknowledges that Primary Education remains the responsibility of the Residents of the Departments, and lauds the variety of structures currently in place. Nothing in this bill shall be construed as interfering with or establishing mandates for those efforts.

2. The Kingdom hereby authorizes the borrowing and spending of 35,000,000 µ for the construction of three Secondary Schools, one in each Region. Enrollment in these schools shall be available at no cost to all Residents turning age 14 during the year in which they enroll through the age of 20. A school schedule shall be based on full-time attendance for five years, Monday through Thursday, from 01 SEP to 30 MAY.

3. A “Unit” of study shall consist of 108 hours of class or field work. As a condition of receiving a Diploma, students at each of these schools shall enroll in and pass 40 units, as follows:

a. Elementary Algebra; Geometry; and Statistics (1 unit each)
b. History (2 units); Geography; and Scow Creek’s Constitution, Culture, and Laws ( 1 unit each);
c. Environmental Science; Meterology; and Maritime Ecology (1 unit each);
d. Atlantican (1 unit); a second official language (2 units); and a third official language (1 unit);
e. Physical Conditioning & Athletics (10 units); and Health (1 unit);
f. 10 units from among the following (any one subject may be repeated unlimited number of times): Agriculture; Art; Carpentry; Electrical Wiring; Fishing & Navigation; Hunting & Marksmanship; Instrumental Music; Plumbing; Theater; and Vocal Music.
g. Any five additional units, from any of the above subjects or others as may be developed or introduced

Bill F14-006: An Act to Tax Certain Sales and Establish a National Gymnasium System

1. A 10% Sales Tax is hereby levied on all retail sales of Alcoholic Beverages, Recreational Drugs not prescribed for a Medical Condition, Performance Enhancing Substances, and Nicotine Products, as well as Delivery systems and hardware for said products, whether sold for on or off-premise consumption, effective on the first day of the month next following the thirtieth day after adoption of this Act.

2. It shall be the responsibility of the Vendor of said products to collect sad taxes, and to remit them by the 15th of each month following their collection to the Ministry of Finance, who shall account for all such receipts in s Dedicated Fund for the carrying out of the provisions of this Act.

3. Said Designated Fund shall be used exclusively for the establishment, maintenance, and operation of National Gymnasiums which shall be made available to all residents under the direction of the ministry of Parks, Recreation, and Sport Priority of locations for the establishment of said facilities shall occur in the following order:

Rum Point, Woodcleft, Quóntúq, Fair Harbor, Zach’s Bay, Pines, Shelburne Falls, and Cherry Grove, and such other locations in turn as the Ministry of Parks, Recreation, and Sport shall determine.

Amendment I

1. The Kingdom shall make no law infringing on the right of the people to engage in agricultural pursuits, or to hunt on their own land; or from processing, consuming, or offering for sale from their property the products thereof; and no such operation shall be found to be a public or private nuisance if the operation conforms to generally accepted management practices. Nothing in this Amendment shall prevent the Kingdom from prohibiting specific agricultural toxins or practices for the benefit of environmental or public health and safety.

2. The Kingdom shall make no law prohibiting the right of the people to hunt, fish, harvest shellfish, or forage on the public lands and waters of the Kingdom, to provide for their household needs. Nothing in this Amendment shall prevent the Kingdom from setting harvest limits and seasons, or from establishing temporary or limited no-harvest zones for sound reason, or from regulating commercial operations.

Amendment II

1. The Scow Creek Coast Guard shall constitute the chief military force throughout the Kingdom under the Commandant, who may authorize and organize minor or temporary strike teams or squadrons, reserves, and auxiliaries as necessary.

2. No resident shall be subject to forced conscription, and the military forces of the Kingdom shall be subject and inferior to national civilian authority. All members in active service shall retain all rights and privileges held by all other residents under this Constitution.

Amendment III

1. The Monarch, with the consent of the Assembly, shall appoint a Minister of Training and Commerce to oversee economic development and higher education and training facilities, and who shall serve as a member of the Cabinet.

2. The Citizens of the Kingdom shall elect, every five years, three Regional Senators to serve as Cabinet Members. Citizens residing on Onesge Island and departments west shall elect a Western Regional Senator; citizens residing on Fire Island shall elect a Central Regional Senator; and residents on Qúpsóg Island and areas east shall elect an Eastern Regional Senator. All such elections shall be held according to an Instant Runoff Voting Procedure.

3. The Minster of the Census, Statistics, and Public Records shall certify candidates for Regional Senate. Any candidate submitting nomination forms containing the signatures of 2% of the total population of the Region based on the last Census, who is a Citizen age 16 or over and resident of the Region, shall be so certified.

4. No member of the Assembly shall receive any salary or wage for serving in the Assembly.