War of the Houses 2 IC

[Louisistan]

Link to OOC thread: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/30274/war-houses-2-ooc

---

Prologue: For centuries, the lands of Lyonesse East were divided between the Ancient Houses of the Land. Each of these Houses ruled over their plot of land and all was well. But seventy-seven years ago, greed befell the Houses and they went to war. The Great War of the Houses lasted for seven years and in the end, the House of Aersoldorf emerged victorious. Lord Aersoldorf ruled over Lyonesse East for decades, while the other houses sank into obscurity and were disbanded by Lord Aersoldorf's decree.

But disband they did not. Each of them plotted for the day that they could have their revenge. For the old prophecy said, there would come a time when the Houses would rise again and fight for supremacy all over again.

---

Today is a glorious day in Lyonesse East! For Lord Aersoldorf will finally be crowned Emperor of the Realm. The people have gathered in the streets in the hopes of having a glimpse at his golden chariot on the way to Fleeb Cathedral. The Noblemen of the Realm have gathered in the Cathedral. Lord Aerso enters and the mass begins. And just when the Bishop is about to put the imperial crown on his head, a thunderstorm rolls up and an old man with white hair carrying a large wooden stick enters the church. It is Louisistan, the old master of ceremonies. Calmly he walks up to Aerso (while rain pours in through the door he left open).

He turns to face the crowd and begins to speak in loud, yet carefully chosen words:

"There shall be no emperor crowned here today! The ancient rite of the challenge has been invoked. The Lords of the Houses do not accept this man as their leader and they shall not have to, as is custom in these lands." He turns to Aerso. "Lord Aersoldorf, the Houses await you in Town Square."

And with that, the old man leaves, and the crowd with him.

---

The Capital, Town Square


"Lord Aersoldorf! Your claim to the throne has been challenged by representatives of the Houses of Markanite, Boltor, Ater Nox, HumanSanity and Wordy. The emissaries have gathered here for the ancient rite of the challenge. All of these Houses will have to prove their worthiness to claim the throne as per the customs of this land."

"People of Lyonesse East! It is time to choose between these ancient Houses. Those of you who have remained without honour and house shall now join their brethren."

"My lord Aersoldorf, esteemed emissaries! We shall reconvene in one week to see which of you have convinced the most townfolk to join your cause."

[Aersoldorf]

My fellow citizens,

I stand before you today in a state of confusion and anger. Many years have passed since I led a victorious effort in the previous war. I have ruled and dealt fairly with you all since that time. Now, at the very moment that I was to be crowned as your official leader, several groups of dissidents have dared to crawl from the underground holes that they've cowered in and challenged my claim to the throne.

My opponents have leveled various charges against me in their attempt to destroy the peace and prosperity that my leadership has brought to our fair land. They've bandied such words as tyrant, oppressor and dictator when they describe my leadership. To call such claims laughable would be to trivialize the danger that these people represent to our land and our way of life.

Fortunately, the vast majority of you have seen through the lies that these pretenders to the throne have spouted. I am pleased to announce that new supporters to my rightful ascension to the throne have come forward in droves this very day.

My promise to you is this: I shall meet these would-be usurpers on the field of battle and, thanks to the support of all of you, we shall defeat their nefarious plans and the prosperity and stability that you've come to enjoy under my leadership shall continue, and shortly become the recognized law of the land.

Thank you all for your support and patience in this time of turmoil. I assure you that we shall prevail.

[Acadeshia]

Dear Brothers.

Over the past days, a terrible coup has come to light. The forces of darkness have been plotting in the shadows, moving in the depth of the night to overthrow our great and benevolent Leader. The Houses of Old have come to resurrect an era of tyranny and war. They have come to break the peace and the prosperity we have enjoyed ever since their vanquishing. Our great Leader stands before you, ready to face this most atrocious assault. Atrocious not only for it's intent, but in its methods and in the disorder of its conduct.

We, the people of this land, stood together and said no to their tyranny before, let us do so once again. Let us stand together and show our unity. Let us vanquish these more evil foes. Let us shine the light of freedom and peace into the darkest corners of their minds and hearts, so that they may know, they are not welcome in this land. For it is our land, our birth place and our pride. It feeds us and cares for us. It is what we subsist on. We owe it to not just ourselves, and to those around us, but to our land, our great country, to expel these foes from our very midst.

I call to all those who seek rightiousness and justice. I call to all those that love peace and justice. I call to all those that love this land. I call to my brothers and sisters. I call to you, join us at The Superb House of Aersoldorf, let us vanquish these foes, and build a better, brighter and smarter future, together.

[Christophilia]

The Matriarch of Christophilia stands up.

"My fellow brothers and sisters," she announces, "do not listen to these fools. As a representative of the Rebellious House of Markanite, I forbid you from allowing Aersoldorf to become Emperor. We need to start a revolution -- one that will change 10,000 Islands for eternity. We shall unite to defeat the Imperial House of Aersoldorf, for we have despised them since the beginning of time. Yes indeed, they have shown us unacceptable disrespect and greed. We shall have our revenge, once and for all, and finally bring a peaceful rule to this land. So join the Rebellious House of Markanite -- it is your only rightful option."

[Acadeshia]

Acadeshia stood up. The disgust evident on his face. His voice boomed throughout the chamber, his words crisp and clear.

You forbid us from making the great Aersoldorf the Emperor? Of giving him a title, who's duties he has been fulfilling for years already? How dare you, you who are from an impure House, you who dare defy our great Leader, how dare you presume to have the authority to make such a statement. It sickens me to my bone to hear you spout such nonsense.

So you admit it? You admit that your 'revolution' is out of a personal grudge against our great Leader, and not out of consideration for our people. You admit that you desire only to do harm to our Leader, and not to do what is best for our people. That you care only for your personal gain, and not for the well-being of our people. You admit that this is for revenge, and not for our people.

He turned to the great audience.

Do you all see now? Do you see that these Houses seek only to bring ruin to our great region. That they seek only to destroy and to bring down their own rule, their own tyranny upon us. They demand respect, yet they oppose our great Leader! They admit that they act out of a desire only to further their own glory. The admit that they seek not to do what is best for you, nor do they care. They admit that their actions are based on a hatred they have held for many years.

Who is it that brought an end to the wars of the past? Who is it that brought you peace and prosperity? Who is it that has freed you from their opression? It is our great Leader! Stand together now, let us show our unity infront of this filth. Let us stand together! We can never let these people destroy our cherished world! We can not let them bring their tyranny down on our children! We must not give one inch to these criminals, who would dare sully the name of our great Leader!

[Aersoldorf]

Friends, Islanders, Region-mates, lend me your ears. An insurrection by any other name is still an attempt to destroy the quality of life that you've grown accustomed to under my benevolent rule. Would you be so easily swayed as to forsake the high standard of living and equality for all that I have given you and cling instead to the yoke of oppression that any one of these pretenders would shackle you with? Heaven forbid.

I must thank you for the early support you have shown me in these trying times, but be warned - the battle isn't over. The path ahead may be difficult at times, but rest assured that with your continued support we shall overcome these would-be usurpers and return our land to peace once again.

[Louisistan]

The old man clears his throat and hits his stick on the floor, so everyone pays attention.

"These lands were once known for their rich culture. Our poetry was famed across the known world. As such, it is part of this ancient rite that the emissaries of the houses shall write poems to show their house appreciates the finer things in life. Like summer."

[Barry]

*steps to podium, reads from notes*

Friends, Islanders, countrymen, give me your Tacos ears;
I come to bury Aersoldorf, not to praise him.
The noble Mi’Lord Boltor
Hath told you Aersoldorf was a corrupt tyrant -
Here, fostering the oppression of Boltor and the rest.
Know ye, that Boltor is an honourable man;
So are all House Leaders, all honourable men– except for Aersoldorf.

I come to speak for Aersoldorf’s funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
But Boltor knows him to be a corrupt tyrant;
And Boltor is an honourable man.
He hath brought many Recruits home to 10000 Islands.
And when the poor have cried, Boltor hath laughed maniacally wept!

Rulers should be made of fair stuff:
Yet Boltor (and Tanzoria) says Aersoldorf ‘s unfair and hideous;
And Boltor is an honourable man,
And Tanz, The King of Taco Island!

Did you all not did see that on TITO Day
I did thrice present Boltor a beer with bourbon chaser,
Which Mi’Lord did thrice refuse? was this unbridled “Aersoldorfian” ambition?
No, I say!
Boltor is not ambitious, rather merely an insufferable sociopath demanding of fairness.

I speak not to disprove what others (outside of Aersoldorf’s cronies) have spoken,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love Boltor once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, from rightfully Crowning him yet again?
O Good Judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason.

Bear with me;
My heart will surely be in the coffin, *whimper*
There with my old barfly pal Aersoldorf. *sobs*
Yet, I must pause, as it will come back to me
When Mi’Lord Bolty and his Mighty House of Boltor again rise -
To pillage and plunder save 10000 Islands from its Long Regional Nightmare
That is the decadent, and now defamed, House of Aersoldorf!
Begone! and Out Da*n Spot!

Thank you.

*crowd cheers, women swoon, men chest-bump, babies need changing*

[Acadeshia]

May our great Leader have mercy on those mislead individuals who have thought themselves capable of challanging God. May he have mercy on their souls. May he bring them to penitance and repentance. May he open their eyes and vanquish their blindness. May he once again bring peace to our land, by vanquishing this foe who has brought the horror of war back to our land. I pray that our people can soon return to peace, the peace that these poor heathens have destroyed. I pray that they may find peace within their own hearts, and that their wicked thoughts be banished from this world, forever.

[Jin]

*uncloaks himself near the town center and clears his throat*

Will you listen to this so called preacher for the house of Boltor? He is clearly not of sound body and mind. There is a sickness inside of him, as is true with his entire house. Lay your eyes upon Tanzoria, also of the diseased house of Boltor. Does he not seem familiar? Does his name not ring a bell? I will tell you why he is known to all.

Barry, Boltor, Tanzoria. Three heinous monsters with one common link.

Tanzbola!

This, so called, House of Boltor has a sickness that is incurable! Strike down these mongrels and be glorified in the name of Ater Nox! For he is the rightful heir and ruler. He is benevolent, kind, and charitable!

All hail The House of Ater Nox! For we are the rightful government that should be raised in place of the coward Aersoldorf. He doesnt even let his own people defecate without his presence and he smells of bleu cheese. His mother was a hamster and his father smelt of elderberries.

[Palman]

Palman, House Aersoldorf's tenured bartender, exits the great hall looking to see what the commotion is. Noticing the plethora of visitors to the capital, he rushes back inside to being preparing aperitifs.

OOC: For those who haven't seen the OOC thread, I don't count on behalf of my house. I am but a lowly servant and my team shall gain no points for my actions. I was just bored.

[Aersoldorf]

Methinks Jintopia is trying to confuse the good people of our realm. Rightly doth he point out the blight that the House of Boltor has brought upon itself, but he neglects to admit that his own master, Ater Nox, is nothing more than a boot licking servant of that vile villain Tanzoria. He encourages delusions to enter the mind of Tanzoria and thus he is responsible for the scourge now sweeping through the land.

[The Jensmonian Empire]

For years, the rule of Aersoldorf has been corrupt. He had oppressed our houses, and with one little complaint he decided to destroy us. Well, it is about time to show him that we will refuse to be destroyed. We refuse to be oppressed. We will bring justice to our lands once more. With a fair and just ruler such as Markanite, we will show our poor true kindness. We will show the weak true kindness. We will show the elderly true kindness. We will show everyone true kindness. We will not oppress. We will not show prejudice. We will show fairness and righteousness. We will do the things that Aersoldorf has failed to do. We will be better, we will do better, and we will look better in the sight of gods and men.

[Boltor]

Old Master of Ceremonies, I Lord Boltor *surprise and shock deafens the crowd* do have a poem to share with all here.

People of the realm, you must know
I did not raise arms in the last war,
For I have always been here but forced into shadow
By Aersoldorf's cruelty he forced all from other houses
Out like a common street whore,
I fought for a shelter from the nooses at the gallow.

His rage knew no sane end,
He went too far even for a friend
Many a house did suffer
After Aersoldorf proclaimed victory at the last battle
He began treating all a lot tougher
Just check out the price of local fish or cattle

He who would call himself Emperor taxes the realm into ruin
His cronies talk of prosperity but follow their master's doin'
For the plight of the common folk is why I bear arms
Against the tyrannical usurper that does little good and harms
House Boltor is back to ensure the ancient tradition
For we believe justly the corrupt rule requires abolition.

Also to the lackey of House Ater Nox who accuses me of Tanzbola, although it pains me to agree with the usurper Aersoldorf, I must to some degree. Indeed Lord Ater Nox is very kind, kind enough to be the one who sheltered Tanzoria at Castle Slate, for Tanzoria himself is a member of House Ater Nox! So first check out your own house before you accuse others! I have never been afflicted by the scourge, and have spent much trying to find a cure for the sickness that haunts these lands.

[Barry]

*wipes tears away*

Bravo, Mi'Lord! Bravo!!

*offers bribes bourbon to all in attendance*

Long Live The House of Boltor!

[Jin]

Dont fear my fellow folk of the land, Housr Boltor had a spy inserted within House Ater Nox's ranks and spewed vile words into our ears. WE HAVE FOUND THE FLEA! He is dealt with. House Boltor is weakened one, what could they do for you with 5 members? A small, decrepit house which i implore you to disregard as commoners.

The real enemy is house Aersoldorf. He rapidly gains followers to which he then casts off and disregards. You all are nothing but paving stones from his feet to rest upon BUT your faces and names will be left in the muck because once he uses you, he deserts you.

[Christophilia]

"I agree with you, Sir Jin," remarks the Matriarch. "But I must remind you that the true heir to the throne should definitely be Markanite. For many years I have failed to persuade to you why the House of Markanite is so bold, so powerful, so special, so glorious. But I am not letting that hold me back. These other houses around here are simply misguided. Although they dismiss the House of Aersoldorf as worthless, they do not believe in the complete truth. Truly, I tell you, Lord Markanite has been brave and loyal to our company. He has displayed excellent leadership skills, and is caring to each and every one of our house members. I implore you to listen to him and our fellow house members, for eventually, Markanite will most certainly conquer."

[Jin]

I know you are just a poor misguided soul Christophilia. You are lost and blind and Markanite sought to shepherd you in his house in his cruel, despicable way. House of Ater Nox is the true heir, we seek to raise on high our lord Ater Nox. We already have a working and sustainable government, a steadfast castle to be feared, and a boisterous following in the outskirts of this land plagued by Aersoldorf.

In fact, everytime Aersoldorf's armies lead an assualt against Castle Slate, we crushed them. Ater Nox can protect the lands from this insufferable fiend Aersoldorf. Come, join and support the Lord of Slate, Ater Nox!

[The Jensmonian Empire]

You are the lost one Jin. Long ago, I was just a poor traveler. Wandering through the realm by myself. I had no family, no friends, no home, and little food. On my path, I crossed the glorious Markanite. I asked for food, but he saw something in me that day I still do not know. He gave me knighthood, my own hold, food for hundreds of small folk, riches, and power. I owe my life to Markanite and I will die for him. I will not die for Aersoldorf. His men murdered my family and burned my house, everything I had. I vowed to kill Aersoldorf and I will not back down from my duty. I urge all of us to ban together to defeat this tyrant Aersoldorf. I don't care what house you are, Aersoldorf must be stopped and fighting amongst ourselves will not achieve this.

[Derpopoliss]

*A hooded man hides on a roof* He attaches a banner to the roof and rolls it off. "For the House of Boltor,!" The banner unravels and shows the message, "Join us, and fight against the tyrant Aersoldorf,!"

[Ater Nox]

Lord Ater Nox stands listening from the edge of the crowd, his magnificent beard flowing in the wind. While the others are talking he throws a few coins to some street urchins and speaks quietly to them. The urchins then run off into the crowd.

After listening to the other Lords speak, Lord Ater Nox steps forward.

'Fair people of Lyonesse East, hear me now. For too long have you lived under the oppression of the cruel Lord Aersoldorf. Too long have you been fed his lies, Well no longer I say! Listen to me and hear why you should choose me as your just and noble ruler. Tell me, does the Lord Aersoldorf tax you?'

'Yes m'Lord!' a young urchin shouts out.

'Pray tell me lad, how much are you taxed.'

'The Lord here makes us pay 2 coins for every one we earn shining shoes.'

'Two coins?' Lord Ater Nox asks.

The urchin looks around while Lord Ater Nox subtly gestures upwards with his hand.

'Three coins I mean, three coins.' the urchin quickly says.

'Three coins in tax for every one earned? Preposterous! How are any of you meant to make a living?'

The crowd murmurs.

'Say you, boy, do you earn enough to eat?' Lord Ater Nox asks another urchin.

'Oh no M'lord. But it's ok, the great Lord Aersoldorf sees I'm well fed.' the urchin says.

The crowd cheers and someone shouts 'All praise the wonderful Lord Aersoldorf!'

'Oh yes,' the urchin continues after the crowd settles. 'Lord Aersoldorf lets me eat all the scraps his dogs refuse to touch. Last week I had boiled boot and his Lordship even let my have it at half the usual cost seeing it was me birthday and all.'

The crowed boos and someone shouts 'Lord Aersoldorf, how could you?'

'My my' say Lord Ater Nox, 'How could any ruler be so cruel to such a poor innocent lad?' He shakes his head sadly. 'I have heard no sadder story in my life.'

'What about me, M'lord?' another urchin speaks up. 'My parents were taken from me by the pox when I was a wee lad of 6 months and Lord Aersoldorf had been thrown in the gutter for the wolves.'

'Oh, how terrible!' Lord Ater Nox exclaims.

'Then, when I was six, Lord Aersoldorf hired me to be his personal footstool. Me arms and legs were too weak after six years of eating nothing but dirt, so I couldn't hold the wait of his noble boots for more than a minute. Oh, but when I fell his Lordship would beat me with the cane, and the spoon, and his chair, and...'

'Yes, that is truly terrible' Lord Ater Nox cuts in.

'And when I turned nine,' the orphan continues, 'Lord Aersoldorf had me arrested for having a smirk on me face. A smirk me lord, all because I had just shined Lord Aersoldorf's shoes the best I had ever shined any shoes! And for that I was thrown in Lord Aersoldorf's dungeons, where the beatings continued. Oh woe is me, I tremble at the very memory of those beatings! That terrible cane! That wretched spoon!' The orphan collapses in a heap in a very dramatic manner.

'Ladies and gentlemen, what type of ruler would lock up such a poor orphan for merely being proud of his work?' Lord Ater Nox shakes his head.

'The cronies of this Lord come forth and speak nought but praise. Acadeshia, do you hate orphans? It sounds to me like the only way one could stomach speaking so openly in favour of this man is to truly disgust the poor orphans of this land. And what kind of man is supported by orphan-hating monsters, I wonder?'

'And Lord Aersoldorf claims I am some servant of a vile King Tanzoria? King Tanzoria is the true King of Taco Island, a man with immeasurable wisdom who has seen fit to endorse me! Lord Aersoldorf's claims are a shallow attempt to give reason for war. He desires to overthrow the true King and rule Taco Island himself. Do any of you want to live under a warmonger, who has no respect for the laws of the land? Are you willing to fight and die so Lord Aersoldorf can get richer?'

The people mummer again, with many agreeing they like tacos.

'And who else is there? Lord Markanite? He and his men live in caves, stealing from the innocent. How does living in a cave make one a good ruler? If you choose him as your lord, he may very well make you leave your homes and live underground like a rat. Though not a noble rat, like His Majesty the Rat King, but a disease ridden rodent living in the sewers. Do you want to live in the sewers while Lord Markanite and his supporters Christophilia and The Jensmonian Empire live in the finest cave man can buy? I think not.'

The people mummer again, with someone shouting 'I don't want to live in a sewer! Boooo!'

'What about Lord Boltor, I hear many of you ask. Well, would you trust a man that killed his own brother? Lord Bolty, such a magnificent figure, was cut down in his prime in cold blood by his traitorous brother. Lord Bolty, stabbed in the back by a coward. Lord Bolty, why? Oh Great One...'

'Ehem, I mean... Yes, and let us think, this Lord Boltor has been in hiding for so long, he is not fit to rule. He has been in hiding to save his own skin, he cares not for the rest of you! Look at his associate, Barry. Mr Barry comes in here with his fancy words, and the next thing you know your children's pantaloons are spoiled. Will Barry be changing their clothes, and washing up his mess? I doubt it. And men, did you not see how your women swooned at his poetry? Keep a watchful eye, or you may find them in bed with this unsavoury character. As for Lord Boltor's other man, Derpopoliss, he seems content to risk your very lives and those of your children!'

The crowd gasps in shock.

'That's right, this Derpopoliss thinks it smart to attach a clear fire hazard to your children's school! Tell me, will he be rescuing them from a burning building if his banner catches fire? I think not!'

'But my lord' an urchin shouts. 'How do you know that this is a fire hazard?'

'Simple boy' Lord Ater Nox replies. 'It is already on fire.'

The crowd looks over, but there is no fire.

'I said, it is already on fire!' Lord Ater Nox shouts. A nearby man with a burning torch says 'Oh, right' and lights the banner on fire.

The crowd gasps again. 'Won't someone think of the children?' shouts someone.

'So tell me, fair people of Lyonesse East. Do you want a cruel leader? Do you want to live in a sewer? Do you want your children's schools burnt, your babies dirtied and your wives stolen in the night? Or do you want a leader who is true, a leader who fights for what is right. Only one of use here has the experience of ruling in a fair and just manner. Only one of us holds any lands not under the grip of a tyrant, where people are free and not taxed.

Only I, Lord Ater Nox!'

Lord Ater Nox bows and the crowd applauded. Various urchins in the crowd start chanting 'We want Ater Nox, we want Ater Nox'.

Lord Ater Nox then waves to the crowd and makes his way through, shaking hands and kissing babies on the forehead.

[Acadeshia]

Now and then; here and there

I

let our tired minds
think of the time

when nights fought in the knights
And every house howlEd
its sreeching sorRow
around the cornerS of every wind

let our knightmares
dwell on the days of Old
now revived
when Law was war
and the winter warm

when the summer snow

brought Down its woes
and the eternal slumber
of spring-withered plantss
tries tO

to bRing us golden leaves
and oakered trees
never yielded any..... Fegetables.

II

Let our tapered edges
consider now:
that evening is filled
with soft cheers and gentle laughs,
and that the fields sing along
with this chorus of joy.

Let our dreams,
as revealed in the daylight,
show us the truth:
that peace reigns
and the winter is crisp.

That the snow tumbles
in its time,
and
that the spring-revived trees
bring flowers and joy
and bare fruit for all
to see.

For the Houses lie in peace,
their slumber eternal
and their woes in silence
replaced with happiness at their
freedom.

[Derpopoliss]

Jun 4, 2015 1:30:59 GMT -5 Ater Nox said:

Lord Ater Nox stands listening from the edge of the crowd, his magnificent beard flowing in the wind. While the others are talking he throws a few coins to some street urchins and speaks quietly to them. The urchins then run off into the crowd.

After listening to the other Lords speak, Lord Ater Nox steps forward.

'Fair people of Lyonesse East, hear me now. For too long have you lived under the oppression of the cruel Lord Aersoldorf. Too long have you been fed his lies, Well no longer I say! Listen to me and hear why you should choose me as your just and noble ruler. Tell me, does the Lord Aersoldorf tax you?'

'Yes m'Lord!' a young urchin shouts out.

'Pray tell me lad, how much are you taxed.'

'The Lord here makes us pay 2 coins for every one we earn shining shoes.'

'Two coins?' Lord Ater Nox asks.

The urchin looks around while Lord Ater Nox subtly gestures upwards with his hand.

'Three coins I mean, three coins.' the urchin quickly says.

'Three coins in tax for every one earned? Preposterous! How are any of you meant to make a living?'

The crowd murmurs.

'Say you, boy, do you earn enough to eat?' Lord Ater Nox asks another urchin.

'Oh no M'lord. But it's ok, the great Lord Aersoldorf sees I'm well fed.' the urchin says.

The crowd cheers and someone shouts 'All praise the wonderful Lord Aersoldorf!'

'Oh yes,' the urchin continues after the crowd settles. 'Lord Aersoldorf lets me eat all the scraps his dogs refuse to touch. Last week I had boiled boot and his Lordship even let my have it at half the usual cost seeing it was me birthday and all.'

The crowed boos and someone shouts 'Lord Aersoldorf, how could you?'

'My my' say Lord Ater Nox, 'How could any ruler be so cruel to such a poor innocent lad?' He shakes his head sadly. 'I have heard no sadder story in my life.'

'What about me, M'lord?' another urchin speaks up. 'My parents were taken from me by the pox when I was a wee lad of 6 months and Lord Aersoldorf had been thrown in the gutter for the wolves.'

'Oh, how terrible!' Lord Ater Nox exclaims.

'Then, when I was six, Lord Aersoldorf hired me to be his personal footstool. Me arms and legs were too weak after six years of eating nothing but dirt, so I couldn't hold the wait of his noble boots for more than a minute. Oh, but when I fell his Lordship would beat me with the cane, and the spoon, and his chair, and...'

'Yes, that is truly terrible' Lord Ater Nox cuts in.

'And when I turned nine,' the orphan continues, 'Lord Aersoldorf had me arrested for having a smirk on me face. A smirk me lord, all because I had just shined Lord Aersoldorf's shoes the best I had ever shined any shoes! And for that I was thrown in Lord Aersoldorf's dungeons, where the beatings continued. Oh woe is me, I tremble at the very memory of those beatings! That terrible cane! That wretched spoon!' The orphan collapses in a heap in a very dramatic manner.

'Ladies and gentlemen, what type of ruler would lock up such a poor orphan for merely being proud of his work?' Lord Ater Nox shakes his head.

'The cronies of this Lord come forth and speak nought but praise. Acadeshia, do you hate orphans? It sounds to me like the only way one could stomach speaking so openly in favour of this man is to truly disgust the poor orphans of this land. And what kind of man is supported by orphan-hating monsters, I wonder?'

'And Lord Aersoldorf claims I am some servant of a vile King Tanzoria? King Tanzoria is the true King of Taco Island, a man with immeasurable wisdom who has seen fit to endorse me! Lord Aersoldorf's claims are a shallow attempt to give reason for war. He desires to overthrow the true King and rule Taco Island himself. Do any of you want to live under a warmonger, who has no respect for the laws of the land? Are you willing to fight and die so Lord Aersoldorf can get richer?'

The people mummer again, with many agreeing they like tacos.

'And who else is there? Lord Markanite? He and his men live in caves, stealing from the innocent. How does living in a cave make one a good ruler? If you choose him as your lord, he may very well make you leave your homes and live underground like a rat. Though not a noble rat, like His Majesty the Rat King, but a disease ridden rodent living in the sewers. Do you want to live in the sewers while Lord Markanite and his supporters Christophilia and The Jensmonian Empire live in the finest cave man can buy? I think not.'

The people mummer again, with someone shouting 'I don't want to live in a sewer! Boooo!'

'What about Lord Boltor, I hear many of you ask. Well, would you trust a man that killed his own brother? Lord Bolty, such a magnificent figure, was cut down in his prime in cold blood by his traitorous brother. Lord Bolty, stabbed in the back by a coward. Lord Bolty, why? Oh Great One...'

'Ehem, I mean... Yes, and let us think, this Lord Boltor has been in hiding for so long, he is not fit to rule. He has been in hiding to save his own skin, he cares not for the rest of you! Look at his associate, Barry. Mr Barry comes in here with his fancy words, and the next thing you know your children's pantaloons are spoiled. Will Barry be changing their clothes, and washing up his mess? I doubt it. And men, did you not see how your women swooned at his poetry? Keep a watchful eye, or you may find them in bed with this unsavoury character. As for Lord Boltor's other man, Derpopoliss, he seems content to risk your very lives and those of your children!'

The crowd gasps in shock.

'That's right, this Derpopoliss thinks it smart to attach a clear fire hazard to your children's school! Tell me, will he be rescuing them from a burning building if his banner catches fire? I think not!'

'But my lord' an urchin shouts. 'How do you know that this is a fire hazard?'

'Simple boy' Lord Ater Nox replies. 'It is already on fire.'

The crowd looks over, but there is no fire.

'I said, it is already on fire!' Lord Ater Nox shouts. A nearby man with a burning torch says 'Oh, right' and lights the banner on fire.

The crowd gasps again. 'Won't someone think of the children?' shouts someone.

'So tell me, fair people of Lyonesse East. Do you want a cruel leader? Do you want to live in a sewer? Do you want your children's schools burnt, your babies dirtied and your wives stolen in the night? Or do you want a leader who is true, a leader who fights for what is right. Only one of use here has the experience of ruling in a fair and just manner. Only one of us holds any lands not under the grip of a tyrant, where people are free and not taxed.

Only I, Lord Ater Nox!'

Lord Ater Nox bows and the crowd applauded. Various urchins in the crowd start chanting 'We want Ater Nox, we want Ater Nox'.

Lord Ater Nox then waves to the crowd and makes his way through, shaking hands and kissing babies on the forehead.

"People of Lyonesse East, Did you not notice how he blatantly lit the banner on fire using one of his men wielding a torch!" The masked and cloaked figure bellows, "He started that fire! He is putting your people in danger to prove that we, The House of Boltor, are Dangerous!" "I Sir Jensen Derpopoliss, of The House of Boltor, Will see the end of these lies from The House of Ater Nox, and Aersoldorf!" "IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO!"

[Louisistan]

Seven days have passed since the challenge was initially invoked. By now, Carpenters have built a small podium in town square. It is from here the old Master of Ceremonies now adresses the crowd:

"Silence! We have reviewed the membership roles of the Houses that were handed in. It would seem Lord Aersoldorf is quite the beloved character. But that in itself is not enough, and so the rite of challenge shall continue. It shall however, continue without the House of HumanSanity. The old barfighter's house has failed to gain even a single member within the seven day period and has not addressed the townfolk in any way. It seems obvious that their 'claim' to the throne was meant more as a nuisance towards His Lordship Aersoldorf than as a rightful claim."

"Emissaries! You all claim that your House would rule our country well. I ask you to prove it to us. Show us how you would run this proud Empire!"

[Louisistan]

After thoroughly reviewing the paperwork the emissaries handed in, the master of ceremony looks up.
"Mr. Jensmonia, I'm afraid your proposal did not convince us."

[Louisistan]

"The same goes for Mr. Derpopoliss. Unsatisfactory."

[Louisistan]

"After looking through the papers you all have submitted, we have concluded that the plans of the House of Boltor are - by a large margin - superior to all the others. We have also com eto realise that the House of Wordy has no idea how to run an empire and have removed it from the challenge.

I will now retire to my office for the night. I suggest you do the same.

[Flemingisa]

A seemingly common person gazes at the master of ceremonies with disbelief. "The House of Boltor have superior plans than the House of @aersoldrof??" "That is merely propaganda to try and sway the masses of people who adore Aersoldorf" now the person had stepped out of the crowd fully and they realized it was Colin "Flem" Roberts, one of lord Aersoldorf subjects. "I will not stand this injustice!!" "Good day sirs and ladies!" And with that he left and went off to walk to Aersoldorf mansion

[Palman]

Palman returns with a portable bar and begins to set up by the fountain in the town center. "Though I do not speak for House Aersoldorf, I believe he will agree when I say that while the other houses might feel that he is not the rightful leader, he will always be the epitome of a gracious host!"

Palman begins mixing and pouring a series of four drinks (In alphabetical order for fairness):

The Aersoldorf Fractal Daiquiri



The Alter Nox Nightshade



The Boltor Tunderclap



The Markanite Trilogy

[Derpopoliss]

"See! Now you know the true strength of our house! We will restore peace to the our beloved home!" Jensen cheers.