Taco Island Law School

[Ater Nox]

This is the top law school in Taco Island for learning about Taco Island law.

Professors: Ater Nox, Tanzoria

Students: Dominion of Compassion, Boltor, Hahiha / USSR, Hakketomat, Woonsocket, Aersoldorf, anyone else who shows up to class

[Ater Nox]

Lesson 1: Treat everyone as hostile, including the judge.

Taco Island judges, especially Hame, like to shoot people. Treat them as hostile, and ask if they can be restrained as soon as your trial begins.

[Hakketomat]

Why didn't you do this in the case Ater Nox v. Boltor?

[Ater Nox]

Lesson 2: The Bluff

Sometimes you gotta break one of the rules so the opposition thinks you're a terrible lawyer, when in fact you aren't.

That's why.

[Tanzoria]

Lesson 3: The Coffee Guy Question
Always ask an adverse witness the question 'Are you a coffee guy?' Even if this fact is not directly related to the case, the dominance of Taco Island's coffee industry by the loathed Boltor will cause a jury to think less of this witness if the answer is yes.

[Hakketomat]

So this is why you think I'm a terrible lawyer. I bluffed you without knowing it myself

[Ater Nox]

Lesson 4: The Double Bluff

Opposing counsel will often think someone is secretly a good lawyer when they do something dumb. As such, you need to occasionally throw out a double bluff by being a good lawyer so they think you are actually a bad lawyer who got lucky, and not a good lawyer.

[Tanzoria]

Lesson 5: Surprise Witnesses

Never disclose a full list of witnesses to opposing counsel. Always have at least 1 witness who may be called at any time, even after closing arguments and rarely, even if a verdict has been delivered.

[Ater Nox]

Lesson 6: The Stabbing

If you're losing the case and have no chance of winning, over the opposing counsel a cake during the trial. When they go to cut the cake, throw yourself on their knife and loudly proclaim that you've just been attacked. The judge will immediately find your opposition guilty of battery and they'll hopefully be replace by someone more incompetent.

[Louisistan]

How come nobody from the very respected law firm of Klopstock, Barry, Louisistan & Partners is teaching at this school?

[Ater Nox]

Nov 14, 2016 6:50:55 GMT -5 Louisistan said:

How come nobody from the very respected law firm of Klopstock, Barry, Louisistan & Partners is teaching at this school?

Don't you guys have something better to do with your time? You're welcome to guest lecture if your firm doesn't have any more important work to do.

[Louisistan]

I'm preparing a class action lawsuit against Echolilia, but other than that, I'm free.

[Tanzoria]

why are you preparing a lawsuit?

[Ater Nox]

Nov 14, 2016 6:58:26 GMT -5 Louisistan said:

I'm preparing a class action lawsuit against Echolilia, but other than that, I'm free.

How about you teach the class about how to perform your favourite defence?

[Hakketomat]

Nov 14, 2016 6:50:55 GMT -5 Louisistan said:

How come nobody from the very respected law firm of Klopstock , Barry , Louisistan & Partners is teaching at this school?

I also work here, so I obviously don't need a lesson on anything

What you guys have forgotten is trial by combat

[Dominion of Compassion]

*scribbles notes furiously*

What I learned in Taco Island Law School today is, what I learned in Taco Island Law School today is

[SweetHaven]

Cake, does it matter what kind of cake? Could it be a pie also?

[Sorya]

Cake pie!

[Louisistan]

Lesson 7:
Always plead immunity.

[Ater Nox]

Nov 14, 2016 15:24:32 GMT -5 SweetHaven said:

Cake, does it matter what kind of cake? Could it be a pie also?

You can use a pie if you want, but it's a risky plan.

[Hakketomat]

Nothing is risky if you're good

[Ater Nox]

Hakke, there's a reason why your the student here. The pie method is risky because why would you give someone a pie as a sign of respectful surrender?

[Hakketomat]

People love pie

[Ater Nox]

It's too suspicious, you will be caught and disbarred if you try it.

[Hakketomat]

What about cupcakes?

[Ater Nox]

Who cuts cupcakes with a knife?

[Hakketomat]

Those who only want half because... calories

[SweetHaven]

Hakketomat, plead immunity.

[Hakketomat]

I don't need to. I am already immune

[Ater Nox]

Lesson 8: It's not technically illegal to call the presiding judge a crunk old toad in Aramaic, just make sure you get your pronunciation correct.