Nox and Tanzoria Law Firm v Hakketomat

[Ater Nox]

All rise for the Chief Justice Louisistan.

Nox and Tanzoria Law Firm is suing Hakketomat for slander.

Tanzoria is acting as the plaintiff in this case, and I his attorney.

Hakketomat must arrange his own attorney, but I remind the court that he has deluded himself into thinking he has the power to disbar lawyers and that he himself has not been disbarred.

[Tanzoria]

Let's do some pre trial hearing before we begin. I'd like to clarify that not only Hakke is being sued by the Nox& Tanzoria law firm, but also by myself in a personal capacity.

[Ater Nox]

Your honor, Tanzoria has had a hard life. His parents were taken from him in a forest fire when he was three years old, and he was moved to an orphanage where he grew up.

The town he grew up in was poor, and his school extremely underfunded. Despite this, Tanzoria was a quick learner and went above and beyond his teachers expectations. He spent his weekends in the library studying books intended for college students, and his weeknights volunteering at a local soup kitchen. By the time he reached high school, he had mastered stochastic calculus, the intricacies of international policy and was a leading scholar in Eastern European Iron Age History.

Despite this, Tanzoria wasn't content. His classes were as easy for breathing for him, and his classmates unapologetically admired him. Tanzoria continued to give back to his community dispite his hardships by starting a Youth Volleyball Club for disadvantaged children. It was at this time that an electrical fire burned down his orphanage. Tanzoria blamed himself for the accident, despite being away on an interstate volleyball tournament. He graduated three days later, and enrolled in the Taco Island Fire Department.

He was the best recruit the department had ever seen, and the Chief took an instant liking to him. It was at the chief's advice that Tanzoria signed up to a local night school and continued his studies. By day, he saved the impovished and poor from fire, and by night he took every class he could. Nearly a year into his studies, Tanzoria found himself at the site of a tragic fire. An orphaned engulfed in flames, still filled with children. Tanzoria charged into the burning building and dragged a dozen children to safety. A hero, the public called him, but he didn't feel like one. It wasn't long however, before Tanzoria noticed some striking similarities between this fire and the one that burned down his orphanage.

Tanzoria took a semester of leave from his night class to investigate, and eventually uncovered that the two fires were linked to a hundred more by a notorious firebug. Tanzoria hunted down the criminal, and turned the information over to the local police. A court case soon rolled around, but the firebug was let free on a technicality and fled the country. The next day Tanzoria quit his job and enrolled at the top law school in the country.

He graduated in half the usual time and with perfect grades. Tanzoria then took any work he could, often refusing payment for those who were in real trouble. This Pro Bono work gain Tanzoria fame as the lawyer to go to for help, but he just saw it as doing his job.

The next few years for Tanzoria was history. In a heroic and historic campaign, Tanzoria was elected Taco Island's President, where he has worked tirelessly to make Taco Island the very best it could be. Not content with just that, he started his own firm to better help the poor. He also was instrumental in starting a law school to help others become lawyers, a school which he charges nothing for students to attend.

And yet, despite this, Hakketomat seems intent on breaking Tanzoria. Hakketomat has made slanderous comments towards President Tanzoria, his firm and his school.

Tanzoria is not here to make tacos. He is not here to get revenge. Tanzoria is just here to ask that the court stop Hakketomat spreading lies so that he can continue his good work as a Lawyer, Professor and President. All we ask is you help Tanzoria continue to save Taco Island from those who wish it harm.

[Ater Nox]

Thank you for clarifying that Tanzoria, I have issued our opening remarks so the case should be able to proceed.

[Tanzoria]

Dec 4, 2016 6:07:20 GMT -5 Tanzoria said:

Let's do some pre trial hearings before we begin. I'd like to clarify that not only Hakke is being sued by the Nox& Tanzoria law firm, but also by myself in a personal capacity.

Did you miss this?

[Tanzoria]

We don't even know who's representing Hakke yet?

[Ater Nox]

Dec 4, 2016 6:09:57 GMT -5 Tanzoria said:

Dec 4, 2016 6:07:20 GMT -5 Tanzoria said:

Let's do some pre trial hearings before we begin. I'd like to clarify that not only Hakke is being sued by the Nox& Tanzoria law firm, but also by myself in a personal capacity.

Did you miss this?

Yes.


Hakke can represent himself, I don't care.

[Tanzoria]

You left out how I'm an accomplished vampire hunter

[Ater Nox]

I will mention that later on.

[Tanzoria]

Let's actually introduce evidence exhibits this trial

[Ater Nox]

Your honour, tonight and over the course of this trial, we are going to prove the following.

1. Hakketomat slandered Tanzoria and his law firm.
2. Hakketomat is not a vampire.
3. Hakketomat has conspired to assassinate the Chilean President.
4. Hakketomat seeks to demolish the Taco Island legal system on behalf of corporate interest.


To do so, I first call Boltor to the witness stand as a character witness for Tanzoria. Boltor, in your own words, please describe your thoughts on Tanzoria.

[Ater Nox]

Ladies and Gentlemen of this court, Boltor's silence is deafening. Why would Boltor, a man with strong links to former Rwandan President Paul Kagame, a man who is an ancient Mesopotamian demon, and a man who is suspected in the murder of Bolty, not appear in court to defend my client? It's simple. Boltor doesn't want to defend Tanzoria because he knows that Tanzoria is a good man. Boltor's insidious desires to commit evil means he cannot stand before you and explain how Tanzoria had beenn viciously slandered.

I now call my client, President Tanzoria to the stand.

[Dominion of Compassion]

*wipes away tears while sniffling*

As the foreman of the jury, I think I speak for all of us when I say that was the most moving life history we have ever heard. How could this magnificent angel of a man be slandered in such a manner?!

[Tanzoria]

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

[Ater Nox]

Mr Tanzoria, can you please describe to the court the comments that Hakke has allegedly slandered you with?

[Tanzoria]

He said the my law firm has never won a case, despite the fact we have won over a hundred

[Ater Nox]

And Mr Tanzoria, why do you think Hakke would tell such a lie repeatedly? Did he have something to gain?

[Tanzoria]

Yeah, he claims to be a practising lawyer. He wanted to drag our firm down to boost his fortunes.

[Ater Nox]

There we have it, ladies and gentlemen on this court. A clear motive.

If I may broach a different subject Mr Tanzoria, do you involve yourself in any physical activities such as sport or hunting?

[Tanzoria]

I am an accomplished athlete. I am amongst the finest at the world in the sports of tennis, swimming, marathon running, cycling, archery, e gaming and competitive eating, as well as darts. I was a hunter in my youth, however I have since foregone any activity that will end the life of another being. This occurred after a spiritual experience in the mountains of Tibet.

[Ater Nox]

You say you have foregone any activity that will end the life of another being, but what about ending the lives of the undead?

[Tanzoria]

Certainly not. I currently work as an adviser to the Taco Island Vampire Hunter movement

[Ater Nox]

Is Hakke a member of the Taco Island Vampire Hunter organisation?

[Tanzoria]

He is not.

[Ater Nox]

Is Hakke a vampire then?

[Tanzoria]

He is not

[Ater Nox]

So he has no credible reason to fear you?

[Tanzoria]

Not one

[Ater Nox]

Mr Tanzoria, in a somewhat unorthodox move I am now going to open the court room floor to allow you to say anything you want.

[Tanzoria]

Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak