The Mad Surfer, October 2019 Oct 7, 2019 12:11:44 GMT -5 HumanSanity, Escanaba, and 4 more like this
Post by The Mad Surfer on Oct 7, 2019 12:11:44 GMT -5
THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of The 10000 Islands
I read the newspapers avidly. It is my one form of continuous fiction.
Weather: Blue skies
Water temp: blissful
The special election for Lyonesse East was a veritable walk in the park for TCP candidate United Royal Islands, who had the questionable distinction of running uncontested. Despite the single candidate status, URI did not win unanimously. Seven voters declined to show her their support. We do not draw from this the inference that the abstainers don't like URI. It's possible that they protest an election with only one person running. Despite running unopposed, URI still offered a campaign speech in which to delineate her platform for the office.
The seat for New Republica South saw a pair of popular political pugilists pairing off. In the corner for the young TCP was an up and coming middleweight, the veteran TITO XO Aschente. Chomping at the bit in the other corner was MSPP journeyman Dominion of Compassion. Contrary to the predictions of pundits, Asch took a quick 30% lead, and never relinquished his hold, winning by a 15% margin.
Blue Canaria North: this proved to be the most interesting combat, with HumanSanity returning to these Islands after a years-long absence to hit the local scene with a splash by immediately running for office. His opponent was a relative newcomer to these parts, one who has made an impact nevertheless during his short time here, Gaming User (Marxist Germany). Human sanity jumped out to a rapid 35% margin and garnered 2/3 of the vote by the end of the fight. For a first Election, Gaming User put up a heck of a battle.
Congratulations to our new Senators! We have every confidence that, by gosh, NOW we’re going tp get things done!
Our current Council of Nine consists of the following:
The Council of Nine
Chief Executive: Markanite
Minister of Immigration: Sargon Reman
Minister of Education: The Tasmanian Islands
Minister of Labor: Paffnia
Senior Senator for Himes West: Flemingisa
Senator for Lyonnesse East: United Royal Islands
Senator for Blue Canaria North: HumanSanity
Senator for New Republica South: Aschente
--Deputy Minister of Immigration: Escanaba
--Deputy Minister of Education: Na Kanaka Isles
--Deputy Senator for Himes West: Central Ruska
BUSINESS NEWSWe reprint here an excerpt from the September Mortimer Report:
XKI - Sep 10th, 2019
The kick-off of the 2019 International Defense Arms and Technology Exposition (IDATE) is slated to begin later today throughout the Islands. Several sites have be selected to host weapons demonstrations and trade shows as the world descends on XKI to view the latest in military weapons and defense technologies. Top Defense and Security professionals are slated to give keynote addresses at several forums being hosted to accompany the grand displays. Weapons manufacturers throughout 10000 Islands have been gearing up all month to display their wares, generating an extra 2500 Tacos per factory this month to any Islander owning them.
Mortimer Printout - September 2019
Sector: 3 - Regular Economy
Item: Weapons Factory
Bonus: 2,500 ₸
From 01-August-2019 to 31-August-2019
Average Change: +1,621 ₸
Percent Change: 5% - Stocks are growing
Average Dividend (Base/Dividend): (265/275)
Of course, this is not the entire report, which can be found here:
BEHIND THE NATIONAs our Editor is quick to tell everybody, one of the most important jobs in these Islands is that of XKI Recruiter, the sine qua non of maintaining a vital population. Indubitably the best Recruiter of all time is Escanaba, and many have speculated just what makes such an All star tick. Fortunately for our readers, our johnny-on-the-spot, Jabberwocky, managed to corner the elusive Escanaba as he was hailing arrivals fresh off the boat.
TMS: What country are you from?
E: I am from Minnesota, USA. I am originally from North Dakota and still call myself a ND native. People from the Midwest may not think there is much difference between Minnesota and North Dakota, but we know the difference.
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
E: The worst food I have ever eaten was pickled perch. I went with a friend to visit his grandparents' farm and his grandmother served us sandwiches and pickled perch. It was indescribably vile.
TMS: Who is favorite musician?
E: My favorite musician is Otmar Liebert, who is kind of a fusion new age-flamenco guitarist and composer. I travel quite often to New Mexico where I discovered his music as he is very popular there (he lived in Santa Fe for awhile). My next favorite is Sergei Rachmaninoff because no one could create melodies like him.
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
E: I tried to play football but gave it up as I had little success as a 103 pound high school linebacker.
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
E: I would change the oceans to Diet Coke (I like Diet Coke).
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
E: The conspiracy theory that gives me the biggest chuckle is that Procter and Gamble company is owned by a Satanic cult. No, I don't believe it, but my mother-in-law at the time certainly did.
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write fan fiction for any TV show which TV show would it be.
E: I have always been a big fan of Ray Bradbury. He wrote one script for Twilight Zone (one of the best television shows ever produced) so I would love to see Bradbury-inspired scripts for a new Twilight Zone series.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
E: I have a particular dislike of kimchi, but it wouldn't be fair to ban something so popular just because I don't like it. Mayonnaise, however, I would be very comfortable banning that.
TMS: What is your favorite hobby?
E: I was thinking I could offer some information about my favorite hobby: collecting Southwest American Indian artwork. I have been collecting for about 35 years and my house is full of Navajo rugs, Hopi kachinas and Hopi, Jemez and Acoma pottery. However, I don't do jewelry. It is not a common hobby here in Minnesota and visitors to my house often react with variations of "well, this is ... interesting".
I started collecting after vacationing in New Mexico on a whim. I was struck by the artwork I saw and decided I would like to collect a little. A little has become a fairly big collection and I still enjoy it.
This was a difficult interview, because Escanaba paused to recruit a new arrival between questions, but we managed to patch enough of it together to make it reasonably cohesive…we think. Thank you.
by THX1138While the World Assembly diligently toils behind closed doors of massive carved oak slabs, in hushed chambers of padded, paneled walnut, whispers still escape the quiet confines of legislation. Lurking surreptitiously in those cloistered corridors is our man on the scene, THX1138 (who recently began moonlighting as the Deputy Senator for Blue Canaria North), wielding the tools of his trade to keep XKIers informed.
It was with ready hearts and hands that we at The Mad Surfer awaited the Southward Equinox, for with it came the promise of fresh new perspectives, burgeoning membership in the Assembly, and a cornucopia of challenging new resolutions on which to decide.
Alas, the auburn moon has spun forth on its celestial journey; and the fields - while not bare - did neither yield to our aspirations.
Hopeful hands, poised at the scythe, have turned to worried wringing. Was there more that could have been done to urge forth the seeds of inspiration? Is the well of creativity running dry? Has the soil on which the Assembly is founded simply failed under the burden of years of activity, with roots and remnants so deep and tangled that only the most cosmetic changes can exist?
This is, perhaps, just the freight on those of us who live in reliance on the cycles of systems beyond our control - the gatherers. Some may see the need for a heavier hand on the tiller, but greater intervention in the working of nature rarely improves the lot. Instead, let us leave the lands to their much-needed rest, without expectation, and make the most of those resolutions that did arise from the harvest season.
Ban on Forced Sterilization (did not pass). One of two resolutions submitted by prolific, local author Marxist Germany, this one failed by a narrow margin. There was always going to be a segment of the membership that would oppose this idea in the name of radical law and order and misguided eugenics. What came as more of a surprise was the opposition from more moderate voters, opposed to a loophole in the text allowing sterilization of children provided there was parental consent. The author was obliged to include this caveat due to existing WA law, and would otherwise likely not have allowed the exemption. Unfortunately, most voters didn’t understand why the clause was included, and saw it as contradictory to the aims of the resolution.
GAR #470 Repeal: Prohibit Private Prisons. Marxist Germany had greater success in the passage of his second submission, with an overwhelming majority of supporting votes: The first passage of an XKI generated resolution since 2017. This repeal highlighted some vague elements in the language of the target that could allow less scrupulous nations to maintain private prisons and usurp the law. In short, the target wasn’t air-tight, and, while most repeals don’t pass without an immediate replacement at the ready, the original legislation wasn’t all that popular. Most felt that a more comprehensive proposal on the subject could be drafted, in time, without much harm coming to the membership. Others still, supported the for-profit model from the get-go.
GAR #471 Repeal: Preventing Desertification. The perils of overworking the land, and removing vegetation were highlighted in the target of this repeal, but the measures suggested to prevent desertification were found to be less clearly defined. This left the target open to this well-thought-out repeal, which pointed out several flaws in the text and the preventative framework. Nearly 87% of voters supported the repeal.
Commend Mikeswill (did not pass). Was this an appeal to the better angels of the Security Council, or merely a ruse by the author, to hold up the inevitable failure of this resolution as justification for their ongoing chicanery, among his minions? One would have to tread the dark and labyrinthian psyche of the author to truly know, and really, who has time for that? 80% were against this commendation, due to the target’s ties to raider organizations, and the belief that those ties were a major contributor to the region having stood the test of time.
LITERATIBrevity is the soul of wit, and it was with that thought in mind that we selected this month's offering of poetry. Last month we were pleased and privileged to publish a couple of short pieces by Neutrality United. The unanimously positive response convinced us to print a few more. Here they are:
If rabbits were less lupine,
Would they still eat lettuce?
Or be content with water and starlight?
Screams, chaos invoke,
Flares of anger choke,
The peace in my soul, corrupt.
Darkness soon ensnares,
What of me that cares,
Leaves poison free to erupt.
Nothing gives a sound,
Of a war nobody could see.
But you felt it clear,
'Cause you were right here,
Fighting right alongside with me.
If I could only sleep,
In a state so deep,
I just wonder what I'd dream.
But I'll never know,
For at night, like so,
My mind continues to scream.
FEATURED NATIONDeputy Minister of Education Na Kanaka Isles has announced September's Featured Nation, Gaming User (Marxist Germany), a relative newcomer to these Islands, who also just made a bid for a Senatorial seat in Blue Canaria North (see story above).
The Constitutional Republic of Marxist Germany is a massive, cultured nation, ruled by Markus Neumann with a fair hand, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, zero percent divorce rate, and complete absence of social welfare. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic, devout population of 2.728 billion Germans enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.
Naturally, there is much more to this tale, to be read here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37706/islands-featured-nation-marxist-germany.
FLOTSAM AND JETSAMHouse Cup and Shield – Senator of Lyonesse East United Royal Islands has announced the latest House Cup and Shield Competition. Welcome XKI Houses! It's that time again. I am proud to announce as Lyonesse East Senator that the Fall 2019 Games (as mandated by NS185-1) shall take place in October.
Competition occurs on the Accelerator from October 1st, to October 31st, 2019.
During the period of the competition, participating nations will utilize the Accelerator to contact new nations and recruit them to the Islands. For rules and to enter this recruiting contest, start here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37712/house-cup-shield-fall-2019. In parallel to the Fall 2019 House Shield and Cup in October, and to help build house unity and spirit, we are proud to announce the return of the Prolific Posting Contest! This self descriptive contest features prizes of big tacos. Find out more here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37713/october-2019-prolific-posting-contest.
XKI's resident Cartographer General has appointed a new Deputy Cartographer General, Free Earthian Yap, to whom we extend congratulations as well as our appreciation. For the record, if you haven't seen the new map, we highly recommend viewing the latest upgrade to this most attractive feature, here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37700/map-10000-islands.
RECRUITING - Minister of Immigration Sargon Reman has been working side by side with his team of topnotch Recruiters to keep an influx of new blood rushing into XKI. Since July's low population tally of 980 has seen an increase to 1182 at press time. A great job by Sargon and his crackerjack team!
Your Council of Nine is requesting public comment on several current issues:
10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37826/public-comment-close-xki-university. Many of us here at TMS attended XKI University’s School of Journalism, so we have a tender spot in our collective heart for the hallowed halls of our beloved alma mater. Can it be saved? Should it be saved? Make your voice heard.
10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37827/public-comment-modify-duties-senator. You can actually help determine the role of an elected public official! Don't miss out on the opportunity.
10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37828/public-comment-payment-stamp-recruitment. As you know, we think recruiting is one of the most important roles here in XKI. Help promote your local Recruiter!
As usual, the Department of Labor has a number of job opportunities for those willing to do a little actual work to earn your daily tacos.
TMS would like to extend our gratitude to Echolilia and Jabberwocky for their generous donations, without which we would be perilously close to locking our doors and shuttering our windows. Thank you for keeping alive the Voice of the Islands.
The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But maybe you would like to try your hand at it, too. Please notify Jabberwocky to apply.
You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/35671/subscription-sign-list.
The Mad Surfer is:
Staff Writers: Jabberwocky, THX1138
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky