The Mad Islander - August 2015 Edition Aug 1, 2015 14:56:08 GMT -5 Boltor, Elite, and 4 more like this
Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2015 14:56:08 GMT -5
The Mad Islander Returns
After nearly 9 months of laying dormant, we are pleased to announce that the Mad Islander has once again opened its doors for business. We hope that you enjoy our efforts and we welcome any comments or suggestions that you may have.
You may be wondering why we decided to start the magazine up again after such a long period of dormancy. The reasons are many, but here are a few:
- When contacted by TMI staff about his decision to assume ownership and get the magazine rolling again, Mayor Aersoldorf said 'I love a good laugh and I got tired of looking in the mirror or at my approval ratings to get it.'
- Former Senator Barry was found wandering the back alleys of the shady part of Taco Island, picking up cans to sell in order to support his bourbon habit. The staff took pity on him and offered him a chance to earn an honest taco to which he replied 'sure, so long as I don't have to do anything to earn it.'
- Hahiha / USSR, Ater Nox, Jin and Louisistan were added to the staff after an all-night kegger party that the Mayor attended. When asked about it later, he confessed that he thought he'd stumbled into a talent scouting agency and didn't realize that Major Update was underway at the time.
We are still in the process of trying to decide what features we'd like to include in each of our monthly editions, so while we are hopeful that you'll enjoy the offerings in this issue, we can promise you that more is to come in the future.
Letters to the Editor
Dear Mad Islander,
I'd just like to provide my congratulations to the Mad Islander on it's re-re-opening, and inquire about the home delivery program that I was promised when I subscribed to your magazine eight years ago. Will I be receiving my copy delivered to my house before or after I take your fine magazine to court? Additionally, what security measures do you have in place to ensure the safety of your readers from your delivery boys? My old friend Larry Lurchester told me a story about thugs pretending to be delivery boys just to break into people's houses and steal their kitchen appliances and mustache trimmers. I'm very proud of my mustache and would hate to have to replace my personal grooming tools. I would also appreciate the magazine's written guarantee that their delivery staff do not work also for the Taco Island Tax Department. After a troubling incident with a tax collector disguised as a Sherpa whilst half way up Mt. Everest, I am fully aware how far our Mayor will go to attempt to collect unpaid taxes.
- Maurice Mills
Dear Mrs. Mills,
Thank you for your kind correspondence. After consulting with our legal department, we are extremely happy to let you know that we will be providing you with home delivery of the Mad Islander.
Here at the Mad Islander, we are extremely concerned with the safety of our readers. Without them, we'd all be out of a job and living on the street! As such, each month we will provide to you a 128 digit security code via email. When a delivery person arrives at your house, you may then read this number to him. Once they confirm that it is the correct number, they will then recite an equally long number back to you. Simply send us a postcard with this number on it, and we will confirm to you by post that the delivery person at your door is actually there on behalf of us, and is not a thief.
With regards to your concerns about Taco Island Tax Department officials disguising themselves as Mad Islander Delivery Personnel, I can assure you that our staff have been thoroughly vetted to ensure none are working for the Mayor. Each staff member at the Mad Islander is required to start the day by denouncing the Mayor and his tax regime with a straight face, before allowing our security guard Geoffrey to grope their face to ensure they aren't wearing a fake nose or wig. Our offices are also filled with numerous traps for Tax Collectors, which involve large cages that drop from the ceiling and trap anyone reading documents lying around such as incomplete tax return forms, unfiled tax declaration forms or a rare copy of 'Taxation Law in 7th Century Bolivia' by Kenneth Kennelwood. As such Mrs. Mills, you can rest easy knowing that no tax collectors will come from our office.
- The 'Editor'
For her letter to the editor, Mrs Mills will be provided with a free copy of next month's edition of the Mad Islander, autographed by all the workers at the paper factory used to supply us with paper. To write your own letter to the editor, please send a properly stamped envelope to 'The Document Shredder, Level 6 C/O The Mad Islander, 101 Taco Drive, Taco Island 10101
Mr. Fox Investigates
Mr. Fox is the Mad Islander's greatest undercover journalist. Each month he will scour the region and bring to your attention some of the more unusual, fantastic and/or disturbing events that he notices taking place here in our fair home. His first report may be too shocking for young readers, your discretion is advised.
While walking along Main St. in the central business district of Taco Island on Tuesday, Jonathan Banks, 39, spotted a medium sized cloud overhead. Three hours later, when he returned to the same spot he noticed that the cloud was missing.
After questioning nearby members of the public, Mr. Banks was still unable to locate the cloud and decided to contact the local authorities.
Two days later, the authorities were yet to locate this missing cloud. Mr. Banks then returned to the local police station to describe the cloud to a sketch artist. The following image was distributed to authorities throughout the 10000 Islands:
A further six days later, the cloud has yet to be located. The cause of its disappearance, and the authorities' complete failure at locating it, are both cause for concern.
Noted cloud expert, Suzanne Fogg, suggested that this may not be an isolated incident. 'Over the last few years I've noticed an increase in cloud disappearances.' she told the Mad Islander. 'Some days, there isn't a single one in sight. No one knows where they are going, or even whether they will return or not.'
To confirm this troubling suggestion, we contacted the 10000 Islands Meteorology Bureau. Their only response to our questioning was 'Stop calling us, we aren't interested in buying insurance.'
Senator for Blue Canaria North, and semi-professional potato eater, Hahiha, spoke exclusively with the Mad Islander's Mr. Fox. 'When I got the call, I knew it was really big. The cloud that is, the call was actually quite short.'
'I figured that if I figured out where all these missing clouds went I could be promoted to Vice Senior Senator and get an office with a window. So far, I've diverted all council funds for my district to tagging the clouds with microchips. Unfortunately, the microchips are just falling to the ground, so we've taken some high interest loans to hire weather balloons to try and follow the clouds. Unfortunately the weather balloons all got lost, so I am now selling the rights for companies to advertise in school classes so that I'll be able to afford top of the line airplanes to aid in the search efforts. Should I receive the appropriate kickbacks, the airplanes will run out of fuel before they succeed and I will try something else.'
Detective Gate of the Taco Island Police Department says this is just another reminder for you to keep an eye on your clouds. 'Cloudnapping is a serious crime, but you can protect yourself by making sure you follow the following advice. Lock your clouds up at night, and don't let them play unsupervised in the front yard.'
(note from TMI - this interview was conducted a while back but was saved to be included in our first issue. As such, the timing of some comments may seem dated, but we felt that it would be better to include the full interview than to trim out the WW bit since it gives more of an insight into our favorite dancing chicken's mind.)
Jin: Today we are here with Elite, TO for TITO and former NRS Senator. He has graciously given us his time and I appreciate that he has made time.
Jin: Welcome Elite, I am glad you could join us. You are my very first interview, If you don't mind I would like to just jump into the questions. First off, how has your role of TO been? How did you obtain this position? Did you ask about it or were you asked to be a trainee?
Elite: Well, Jin, to answer that, I was appointed as a TO in October of last year, and it was after over 4 years of being a soldier in TITO. I wasn’t ever told why I was appointed, but I believe it was because I was a decent coastwatcher and always took an interest in coastwatching during updates. There was an opening that I applied for and Command accepted me. Simple as that.
As for the question about how it has been, it has been a lot of fun. Command has always had great people in it who are fun to interact with on a daily basis, and the strategic thinking element of being a TO has also been great.
Jin: You seem to be enjoying yourself a lot. Please,tell me about your previous Senator position and any other previously held positions. What was it like?
Elite: I was the emissary to Atrigeas for a while, which was a nice enough region, but it became severely inactive and while I was a senator, we voted to end relations with them. I only served one term as a senator, I don’t believe I did a particularly great job so I didn’t run in the next election.
Jin: I am sure you did fine, you are a generally great person, don't down talk yourself so much. You said you felt you didn't do well, what made you feel that way and what did you think went wrong?
Elite: I didn’t really have any ideas as to how I could better the Islands when I ran, so informing the rest of the Co9 on the state of Atrigeas was basically all I accomplished. If I run again, it’ll be after rigorous brainstorming so I can actually put my term to good use.
Jin: I look forward to the next time you run, you definitely have my vote. Let us talk about something more lighthearted. As some might know, you are currently hosting a WW game. Do you feel that you are comfortable hosting considering this is your first time? Tell us a little about the WW game.
Elite: It has been nice seeing everything happen for once instead of guessing what happened every night. I’ve been having fun, pretty much everything I’ve written (aside from the new Mystic role, and a few of the day themes) has been completely spontaneous. I didn’t even decide to have a village map until after I posted the sign-ups.
Jin: Well, you have done good so far, I wish you luck in the future. Let's get a bit personal now if you are alright. Tell us about the man behind Elite. Do you plan to go to college? What do you plan to major in? What do you do outside of XKI and NS? What else should we know about Elite the Bachelor?
Elite: I’m an 18-year-old from Australia that just finished high school late last year. I’m currently studying jazz for the year away from home, and next year I’ll move back closer to home to study statistics. At the moment, I don’t do a whole lot outside of NS apart from uni stuff, seeing friends, playing video games, watching anime etc.
Jin: What type of anime do you watch?
Elite: I’m generally into romance animes, my friends and girlfriend can get sick of me watching that and nothing else sometimes though.
Jin: Oh, saucy, well you go right on ahead and watch that! Let me pull you back onto the topic of XKI for a moment. When you first started out in XKI, who was a huge help to you? Is there anyone you are close to in XKI at this point? What would you like to say to the people or a specific person that helped you along the way?
Elite: My biggest helps were people like Ananke and Minna when I joined XKI, those two have always been very welcoming and inviting to newcomers, and I’ve tried to keep that attitude in mind whenever I log onto NS or the XKI forums.
In regard to the other question, I’m not sure who I’m close to these days but I used to spam and chat a lot with Wordy, Guy and Woon. Those were fun times. Wordy has also been a massive help throughout all my years in XKI, she was a wonderful leader, mentor and defender and thoroughly deserves all the praise she has gotten over her many years. I’ll miss her dearly for the rest of my time here.
Jin: I never got the pleasure to meet Wordy but I haven't heard one thing bad about her and she seemed like such a great individual. I want to tell you that it was a pleasure having this intimate conversation with you and again, I am so grateful for your time and patience with me. Thank you very much and I wish you the best on your future endeavors.
Elite: Thank you for the interview.
Jin: There you have it folks, a stunning interview with Elite. He is a great person and an awe-inspiring TO. Until the next Jinside Edition, be safe and stride on.
Once again, we truly hope that you've enjoyed our first issue. We hope to add many more regular features as we go forward. We will also be sponsoring contests and giving away prizes in the very near future. If anyone is interested in working for the Mad Islander, please send a pm to Aersoldorf or @madislander.