Post by The Mad Surfer on May 11, 2019 16:10:00 GMT -5
THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of the 10000 Islands
May 2019
“The best fiction is far more true than any journalism.”
― William Faulkner
― William Faulkner
SENATE ELECTIONS
With the close of the last election cycle, our new Senators immediately set to work rather than resting on their laurels. RP development is off to a great start. But XKIers like the political process, and the next round of elections is already in full swing. Jabberwocky has been Senator of New Republica South for a year, but declined to run for reelection this time. He has been quoted as suggesting that the recent success of the Taco Island Surf and Blues Band has left him with insufficient time to do the job on the same high level of proficiency and dedication his constituents expect and are entitled to. However, worried voters have nothing to fear, as the somewhat overqualified Dominion of Compassion (MSPP) promptly threw his hat into the ring, and, at this point, appears to be runing uncontested, an increasingly familiar phenomenon here in the Islands.
Before the cheering faded, longtime veteran of the XKI political scene entered the fray to represent MSPP in the special election for Himes West. Political pundits were all atwitter as Flemingisa took up the mantle for MSPP. As MSPP strives to increase its influence, we can only speculate how TIP and the recently formed TWP (The Workers Party) will respond. As of press time, TIP had no viable candidates, and TWP failed to respond to our initial inquiries. Given that TWP was formed only a few months ago, in March, to be precise, and that hard upon the heels of Senator Jabberwocky’s controversial decision to close two parties due to lengthy periods of inactivity. It bodes ill that TWP fails to take this opportunity to announce its presence with authority. This is even more emphatically true given that the election for Blue Canaria North still has no one running for office for any party. This lack of political activity is further heightened by the fact that the last elections were the most active in recent memory.
BUSINESS NEWS
There is every evidence that the business sector continues to grow at a slow but steady rate. At least it is according to the latest Mortimer Report, which we duplicate here:
It appears that some islanders have discovered a new gas reserve and have successfully caused an increase in the production of gas so that gas stations can heighten their profit margins. Congratulations!Mortimer Printout - April 2019
Economic Outlook
Sector: 3 - Regular Economy
Item: Gas Station
Bonus: 500 ₸
Mitigation: N/A
Adjustment: N/A
Stock Market
Average Change: +1,769 ₸
Percent Change: 4% - Stocks are growing
Average Dividend (Base/Dividend): (290/300)
MList Statistics
Mortimer Shop Payments: 6,154,500 ₸
Mortimer Dividend Payments: 516,080 ₸
Mortimer Payment Adjustments: 469,500 ₸
Mortimer Accounts Inactive: -426,360 ₸
Grand Total Mortimer Payment: 6,716,720 ₸
Total Cash Value: 270,128,993 ₸
Total Shop Value: 123,090,000 ₸
Total Stock Value: 58,427,540 ₸
Grand Total Value: 451,646,533 ₸
CASINO SCANDAL NEWS
Although TMS is a big advocate of the Casino, in particular our Editor, who is frequently seen lurking about, even if only to admire the showgirls, our investigative bulldogs are stymied by the fact that the Lottery has evinced no activity since the third week of March, leaving disgruntled gamblers to loiter about the lobby making a nuisance of themselves. Truth be told, we're stymied...mystified...stumped...But our publisher is jonesing, because he finally started winning and found himself rather enamored of the sensation. Once again, those at Himes West are unavailable for comment or interview, and, hey, that's our bread and butter. In the meantime, doors and windows at the XKI Casino are once again boarded up and shuttered.
BEHIND THE NATION
Our in depth interviews of XKI celebrities and notable citizens has proven to be wildly successful based upon the letters we’ve received. This is due, no doubt, to the insightful and personally penetrating (read intrusive) queries posed by our diligent staff. Next up in this singular series is our very own Chief Executive, Markanite, stepping outside of his Procrustean political punditry to deliver a side of himself that most Islanders never get to see.TMS: What country are you from?
- I'm from Northern Ireland originally but I live in England now and work as a teacher.
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
- Crayfish sandwiches I think they were called. That was in a posh restaurant where they assured me it was lovely. It was absolutely vile.
TMS: Who is favorite musician?
- My taste in musical is awful. I like pop music, the cheesier the better.
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
- My dad signed me up for football when I was young, I lasted 25 minutes before we both decided it wasn't for me. Bear in mind I was 8 at the time so I must've had no ability or skill whatsoever!
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
- Probably green tea, I drink so much of the stuff daily! Although, tea is really just dirty water anyway so I'm not sure I answered this one!
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
- My favorite conspiracy theory is all the flat earth stuff. It never fails to make me laugh. I, obviously, don't believe it!
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write fan fiction for any TV show which TV show would it be.
- I'm a big Tolkien fan, I have been since I was very young. I have amazing memories of reading the Hobbit and LOTR as a child and when I re-read these I still feel so nostalgic. The second part of this was tough, I wonder what Tolkien would do with the Star Wars material, how he would interpret it or what he would make the characters do.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
- Probably the crayfish sandwiches. I would never ever try them again. Or maybe Quiche.
Thanks, Mark, for taking the time out of your busy schedule to spend a few minutes with TMS.
- I'm from Northern Ireland originally but I live in England now and work as a teacher.
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
- Crayfish sandwiches I think they were called. That was in a posh restaurant where they assured me it was lovely. It was absolutely vile.
TMS: Who is favorite musician?
- My taste in musical is awful. I like pop music, the cheesier the better.
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
- My dad signed me up for football when I was young, I lasted 25 minutes before we both decided it wasn't for me. Bear in mind I was 8 at the time so I must've had no ability or skill whatsoever!
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
- Probably green tea, I drink so much of the stuff daily! Although, tea is really just dirty water anyway so I'm not sure I answered this one!
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
- My favorite conspiracy theory is all the flat earth stuff. It never fails to make me laugh. I, obviously, don't believe it!
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write fan fiction for any TV show which TV show would it be.
- I'm a big Tolkien fan, I have been since I was very young. I have amazing memories of reading the Hobbit and LOTR as a child and when I re-read these I still feel so nostalgic. The second part of this was tough, I wonder what Tolkien would do with the Star Wars material, how he would interpret it or what he would make the characters do.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
- Probably the crayfish sandwiches. I would never ever try them again. Or maybe Quiche.
Thanks, Mark, for taking the time out of your busy schedule to spend a few minutes with TMS.
WA SCENE
GAR #460 – Atronomical Data Repository. Intended to create a database to document unique astronomical data to advance education and astronomic studies, Establishes an agency within the World Assembly Scientific Programme (WASP) named ‘Astronomic Science and Technical Research Organization’ (ASTRO) and tasks it with organization, administration, and maintenance of a database of raw astronomical data. GAR #461 – Protecting Personal Data. Seeks to protect customers from exploitation by businesses.
We here at TMS have a question regarding these two resolutions: what if your personal data is astronomical in nature? There could be an inherent conflict here, and an interesting ethical dilemma.
GAR #461 – Repeal Protecting Personal Data. Repeals GAR #461. Just a part of the silly political chicanery hapless citizens have come to expect from the WA.
GAR # 463 – Repeal “Endangered Species Protection.” Do you see a pattern here? Propose, pass, repeal, repeat.
GAR # 464 – Protection of Airspace. Recognising every nation's right to protect the sovereignty of its territory and convinced airspace is an integral part of this territory; Prohibits any member nation from exercising territorial control over international airspace, unless required by an existing World Assembly resolution. That’s the short version, and there’s a lot of gray area regarding what goes on overhead. Well worth reading.
GAR # 465 – Preventing Species Extinction. This one sounds a lot easier than it will actually be to implement and/or enforce, but it’s a really good idea as a hypothesis. Doubtless someone will try to repeal it. This and all resolutions can be found here: www.nationstates.net/page=WA_past_resolutions/council=1?start=460.
LITERATI
Dear Readers, we have a confession to make. While everyone is prone to make the occasional mistake, this one makes us blush. After a technical mishap with the printing press, or perhaps it was the dribbled sauce from the Editor’s fish tacos, somehow the identity of the author of this next poem was lost (please note our use of the passive voice as if it were not actually our fault). We had permission of said author to reprint it (no! really we did), and we hope that very author will step forward to claim responsibility for it. In any event, here it is.
Too young to see the danger.
I didn't know the devil you were,
That you'd fill me with so much anger.
At first you gave me comfort,
Numbed me from the pain,
But the light you gave me faded,
Brought blackness to my veins.
Your trap worked as always.
I am not the only one to fall.
So many friends forever gone now;
No one's left to call.
Dragged me to rock bottom,
Each day a life in hell anew,
Felt there was no possibility
Of breaking this dependence on you.
Every day I woke
With only you on my mind,
Desperate for your love,
More desperate for you to die.
Through time I saw you were evil.
I watched you steal my soul.
Each time I tried to get away,
You would not let me go.
Tried to scream and cry,
Eventually accepted my fate.
Everyone had tried to warn me,
And now it was too late.
Family and friends could never understand,
Couldn't hear my silent plea.
They did not want to see
The sick effect you had on me.
You locked me in a cell.
You made me freeze at night,
Made me deceive those I loved,
Made me live in constant fright.
Left broken, battered, and bruised,
My number of scars grew.
Both physical and mental,
While the number of wasted years flew.
Went through the motions like a zombie.
No longer did I see
Any type of future
You erased any shred of hope
When everyone turned their backs.
Difficult to escape this dark hole and cope,
Impossible to defend against your attacks.
I knew no church, no God.
YOU, my ultimate power.
No way to know real love.
I was now a rotted, dead flower.
Then one day it happened.
Most amazing hope one moment brings,
And I decided then and there
That I would grow my wings.
No longer will you take from me
Like you have stolen all these years.
You will never take my life.
No longer will I cry these tears.
I will deal with the pain.
I will swallow all my pride.
I will deal with my life of rubble.
I'm prepared for this difficult ride.
If it kills me to leave you,
Then I will gladly die,
Because with you I'm only surviving,
And I have been destined to fly.
I will soar, laugh, and smile,
Will breathe my life once more.
I will go back to a time
Before you came knocking at my door.
Ministry of Immigration
Minister of Immigration Sargon Reman officially announced some important reforms in his Department, including a new recruitment campaign. Here we quote his press release:The Minister of Immigration is proud to announce the regulation of higher pay incentives to recruiters. These pay incentives will significantly increase the amount of pay per telegram, award payouts, competition awards and other Immigration compensation.
New rates can be found here:
10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37062/public-comment-new-recruiter-rates
Cerb has been notified of the changes and he will begin work on them in July. However until then the Ministry will manually calculate recruiter pay in line with the pay increase.
Secondly the Ministry would like to announce that it will sponsor a Recruitathon which will occur on May 1st and end May 31st. The event will be hosted by Chief Executive Markanite and the recipient will have their nation placed on the regional WFE with a payout of 500,000 in tacos. The second and third place winners will receive 400,000 and 300,000 in tacos respectively.
Sign up is open to anyone interested. Having a current recruiter account is NOT required. The MOI will create Accelerator accounts where needed as sign ups occur in order to encourage wide participation.
Finally, the Ministry is looking for a designer to create three new awards for immigration award staffs. The designer will be paid 30,000 tacos per staff. Please see the Ministry of Labor job ad or notify Sargon Reman for hiring and info. The Project is commemorative in nature and will be confidential.
The sign up thread for the Recruitathon can be found here:
HEART OF THE ISLANDS
From time to time, an Islander is recognized for exceptional service and dedication to XKI. Markanite once again had the pleasure of presenting this award to one whose exemplary behavior established it’s own category. Since our Chief Executive is both articulate and erudite, we leave his presentation intact, to wit:Heart of the Islands Medal
I am very pleased to be honoring a committed and inspirational islander, who has long been a fantastic role model, to myself and countless others.
Over the years the Council of Nine at the direction of Grub has been empowered to consider individuals for the Heart of the Islands Award; honoring those who embody a spirit of service to the islands and who in their actions and work demonstrate the content of character which represents the best of the islands, often otherwise unrecognized in other areas.
Throughout his time in the islands, Klopstock has had a long and distinguished career in defending, protecting and defending many regions, and duly has been recognized by TITO Command with the Anime Daisuki Cross, 10000 Islands Distinguished Service Medal, Silver Star, Bronze Star, and Soldiers Medal, among others, during his time in TITO. We also recognize his service as Field Commander for two years, leading the next generation of defenders.
In considering this award, we highlight his works contributing to the culture and activity of the region, which may be lesser known. His serving as Poet Laureate, representing the region as an emissary, contributing to the founding of our regional Discord, helping new nations, acting as account confirmer, and always being a fun and constant presence throughout the region. For all these, and in other areas, Klopstock has engaged in our region wholeheartedly, without seeking acclaim, and thusly embodies the spirit of this award and the content of character which is present in all it’s recipients. Therefore: The Council of Nine is proud to honor and celebrate Klopstock as recipient of the Heart of the Islands Award.
Congratulations Klopstock!
VALIANT ISLANDERS
A brief ceremony was held recently in Commander in Chief Markanite's modestly appointed but nonetheless spacious office to honor a small group of Valiant Islanders. Our Peerless Leader said it best himself:I am pleased today to recognised the achievements and hard work of various valiant Islanders. Their support and commitment to the Islands make it the place it is today, today we recognise and honor them.
In recognition of their hard work in, not one but two ministries and their commitment to the Welcome Committee, I award The Tasmanian Islands the Iwerddon Service Medal. You are an amazing example to all Islanders!
In recognition for developing the Mad Surfer, an interesting and hilarious addition to our forum, I award Jabberwocky the Order of the Islands Medal
Lastly, I would like to recognise someone who has developed an important aspect of Island life, I award the Legion of Merit to Kortexia. For his tireless work and commitment to the Islands' Discord.
Thank you and congratulations to all!
- Mark
Chief Executive of 10000 Islands
XKI University is happy to announce a new Kitchen Sciences Class conducted by Palman. Better sign up soon, as seating is limited, and the class is filling up fast! 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37221/kitchen-science-signup-thread?page=1&scrollTo=1682192.
The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But we’ll settle for what we can get. Please notify Jabberwocky to apply.
You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/36968/mad-surfer-march-2019.
The Mad Surfer is:
Staff: Jabberwocky
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky
