Post by The Mad Surfer on Jun 10, 2019 15:01:47 GMT -5
THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of the 10000 Islands
“The world isn't such a bad place at all - as long as one did'nt read the daily newspaper”
― Bill Aitken
― Bill Aitken
Water temp: perfect
SENATE ELECTIONSAs incumbent Senior Senator Jabberwocky surfed into the political sunset after a year at the helm of New Republica South (that's 24 NS years by our count), the election for his replacement (as though he could be replaced) was a quick wrap as Dominion of Compassion (MSPP) proved to be the only candidate, no doubt because Jabber's shoes (well, sandals) will be difficult to fill. Nevertheless, DoC brings sterling credentials and a lengthy history of public service that more than qualify him for this arduous task: overseeing the political party system here in XKI.
The race for Blue Canaria North generated some local interest as Tanzoria (yes, the former Detective himself) threw his hat into the ring for MSPP. Just as we began to surmise that he, too, would run uncontested, Hahiha / USSR joined the contest. It's worthy of note that Hahiha ran for WAPP, which party was closed months ago by the same outbound Jabberwocky due to inactivity. Some voters may interpret that move as perverse on Ha's part, but we here at TMS see it as indicative of his idiosyncratic sense of humor. In any event Tanzoria won in a landslide and finds himself decorating a new office.
In addition, we saw a special election for Himes West, due to the unceremonious departure of Aersoldorf immediately upon having won the previous special election for the same office. Fortunately, longtime stalwart on the political scene, Flemingisa stepped up to fill the very noticeable void. Unfortunately, Flem found himself running unopposed, a symptom we've seen far too frequently in recent elections.
This seemed a particularly appropriate time for the newly formed Workers Party to take advantage of the lack of opponents to get a leg up in local politics. We question what is to be gained by forming a party a failing to run, but perhaps they are waiting for a more opportune moment to make their presence known, despite our inability to picture such a moment. But then, the same question might be posed for the well established TIP, which rarely fails to offer a choice for eager voters.
In light of the exciting elections only two months ago, which was one of the most exciting races in recent memory, this one proved to be a rather dull affair. That contest featured some debate, close races, numerous candidates, and a lot of discussion in the political subforums. This one was highlighted by a couple of very brief campaign speeches, no advertising, and only marginal stumping in the arena. We can only hope for something more newsworthy in the next elections. With a new Senator of NRS, our political pundits prophesy big changes ahead.
Local businessmen and women once again find themselves befuddled, and wondering just what the heck is going on. Mysterious money magnate Mortimer M. Mortimer, once considered the stable keystone to the local business world, has virtually disappeared from sigh, and The Regional Reserve appears to have gone into hibernation. AMWERP payouts for May have still not been rendered. The impact is that local businesses that typically reinvest their lucre are unable to do so. We seem to be repeating ourselves; indeed we are clearly doing so, as we reported this same issue mere months past. In fact, the sketchy performance of the RR recently calls to mind yet another crumbling XKI linchpin, the formerly formidable XKI Casino. (segue to:)
CASINORegular readers, the ones we depend upon, have voiced their concerns about XKI Casino. While we heralded the return of an active Casino under the watchful eye of Twobagger, who rejuvenated the old Casino to the joy and relief of gamblers, it has been evident (by the vociferous complaining by our own Editor) that our beloved pastime has been put on hold. But Sic Bo Sunday hasn't worked its magic since the first week of April, and the Lottery has made no one richer since the end of March. However diligently our courageous reporter has been in ferreting out clues to this puzzle, the Casino office has failed to reply to our inquiries. Consequently, we are left to our own devices, and to speculate whimsically.
BEHIND THE NATIONSorya doesn’t spend a lot of time, neither words, in the forums or NS, but remains one of the cornerstones of XKI society. Many have had occasion to wonder just what goes on inside that head, and our intrepid investigative staff finally ran him to ground to inquire about the internal machinations that makes him so inimitable. This is what he had to say:
TMS: What country are you from?
S: I'm from the west coast (best coast!) of the United States.
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
S: A few summers ago I was home alone and my Grandma (who lives nearby) called and asked if I could come over and help her with some IT stuff (she's not exactly tech savvy). After I finished everything I came into the kitchen and she had really nice looking sandwich but but, being dutch, she also drenched the sandwich with mayo. I cannot stand mayo. At all. However, cause she seemed so pleased to be able to take care of someone I simply couldn't refuse and you bet I finished that whole sandwich with a smile, every single mayo-y bite
TMS: Who is favorite musician?
S: I'm rather fond of a British Indie band called Dutch Criminal Record.
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
S: Golf, but it wasn't so much quitting as it was getting cut from the freshman team...as a sophomore. I was terrible at golf (still am) but I also was the only one on the team with leadership experience so the coaches kept me on for an extra year before realizing I was hurting the school's already atrocious scores more than my leadership was helping.
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
S: Iced Tea and Lemonade (aka the Arnold Palmer). Favorite drink of all time.
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
S: I think donut earth is far superior to flat earth. Unfortunately, I'm not nearly imaginative enough to actually believe it
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write fan fiction for any TV show which TV show would it be?
S: I'm rather split, actually. I'm very fond of Tolkien's works, he really has a way with words. At the same time, one of my favorite book series of all time is the Ralph Moody autobiography series. As far as fanfictions go, I'd happily see more from the LotR universe by Tolkien.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
S: American cheese. It is a disgrace that American chemists are even able to label that adhesives experiment gone wrong as actual food, let alone a cheese. There are no foods I hate more (even mayo).
Just before press time it was brought to our attention that Sorya has not been spotted in the vicinity in many months. Here’s hoping that giving him a little attention will bring him back to these parts.
Ordinarily, we provide eager readers with all the latest about the WA, but in an unprecedented move, the WA has been uncharacteristically quiet. In fact, since our last issue, no resolutions have been passed. Some may draw the conclusion that our politicians are off on yet another in a long series of vacations, deserved or otherwise, but we here at TMS prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt and prefer to think that they are busy researching pertinent issues.
LITERATILast month we printed a terrific poem, but due to our Editor’s saltwater soaked memory, were unable to tell eager readers who the author was. This month, the answer was found buried beneath a crate of surfboard wax, and we are glad to announce that said scribe was our own Thuringen Hesse. Sorry for the oversight, which we here consider corrected.
At least we can provide the provenance for this month’s offering, penned by the Iceman, Nate NBNS.
So Grow Me
I dreamed I was a human
But my toes dug hard the earth.
Imagined food through mouth
But leaves and roots filled me.
Ambitious to move and win
But toes dug hard the earth.
Wanted to travel experience
Not sun and snow on bark.
Squirrels put nuts inside me
A bank account with interest.
Birds also nested on me
Like children soon to leave.
Regarded eternal time line
Clouds and rain above me.
Faster, more direction full
Than leaves on forest floor.
That science complete and solved
Went to art seeking greater truth.
My third time colors were brighter
Than grim pine who had none.
That contest won, I turned
To things that quicken sap.
Some argue fire and chainsaw
Are better than old ones rot.
Considered such without resolution
While toes dug hard the earth.
Soon distracted by acorns who
In time became young saplings.
So cycle passes many times
A I put on more rings.
Should I try to run or diet?
Move what moves around me
FLOTSAM AND JETSAMFeatured Nation
The Tasmanian Islands once again has had the pleasure of selecting the Featured Nation for May. This time the distinction falls to Hamletus.
The Republic of Hamletus is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Chancellor Iohannes with an even hand, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, daily referendums, and devotion to social welfare. The compassionate, democratic, devout population of 1.16 billion Hamletusians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy thefreedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often. This, of course, is far from the entire story. For that you'll have to go here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37248/10000-islands-featured-nation-hamletus. Felicitations, Hamletus!
The celebration doesn’t end there, though. Once again our hardworking reporters discovered just prior to press time, that the new Minister of Education, The Archipelago Territory, has named the Featured Nation for June. Since we pride ourselves on providing our readers with the lates and the greatest, we extend our congratulations to The Kingdom of Trivia.
The Kingdom of Trivia is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Regele Mihai with an even hand, and notable for its zero percent divorce rate, frequent executions, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cheerful, devout population of 4.467 billion Trivians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.
The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Education, Defense, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Masyaf. The average income tax rate is 85.4%.
The thriving Trivian economy, worth 405 trillion Geralts a year, is dominated by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Basket Weaving, and Retail. Average income is 90,814 Geralts, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.2 times as much as the poorest. Again, this is just a summary; to learn more about Trivia, check this out: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37292/10-000-islands-featured-nation.
Old Regional Reserve - CTE has announced its newest Account of the Quarter winner, Haganham, who stands to win 75,000 tacos or its equivalent. Congratulations, Ming, on a job well done!
The Grand Debate Hall is filled to the rafters with busy minds young and old engaged in Socratic dialogue. Be sure to get in your two cents worth! There are several threads going even as we speak…I mean, type. 10000islands.proboards.com/board/180/grand-debate-hall.
As usual, the Ministry of Labor has a number of job opportunities for those willing to do a little actual work to earn your daily tacos. 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37201/deputy-minister-education-sought.
The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But perhaps you would like to try your hand too. Please notify Jabberwocky to apply.
You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/36968/mad-surfer-march-2019.
The Mad Surfer is:
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky