The Mad Surfer, November 2019
Nov 7, 2019 15:54:24 GMT -5
Paffnia, HumanSanity, and 6 more like this
Post by The Mad Surfer on Nov 7, 2019 15:54:24 GMT -5
THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of the 10000 Islands
November 2019
The fact that a man is a newspaper reporter is evidence of some flaw of character.
Lyndon B. Johnson
Lyndon B. Johnson
Weather: Blue skies
Water temp: blissful
Waves: Breaking!
POLITICS
Senate ElectionsOur Chief Executive announced the latest cycle of elections, this time for Lyonesse East and Himes West. Within scant moments, LE incumbent United Royal Islands (TCP) announced her candidacy. Himes West is experiencing a paradigm shift, as standing Senator Flemingisa has elected not to run for re-election. However, it is encouraging to see two new candidates for the seat: Haivon (Independent) and Marxist Germany (TCP).
Good luck to all candidates. A note to citizens everywhere: be sure TO VOTE!!! It is both a privilege and a duty.
Our current Council of Nine consists of the following:
The Council of Nine
Chief Executive: Markanite
Delegate: Kuriko
Minister of Immigration: Sargon Reman
Minister of Education: The Tasmanian Islands
Minister of Labor: Paffnia
Senior Senator for Himes West: Flemingisa
Senator for Lyonnesse East: United Royal Islands
Senator for Blue Canaria North: HumanSanity
Senator for New Republica South: Aschente
--Deputy Minister of Immigration: Escanaba
--Deputy Minister of Education: Na Kanaka Isles
--Deputy Senator for Himes West: Central Ruska
BUSINESS NEWS
For owners of Desalination Plants, business was good last month, garnering a small bonus, and business in XKI was once again booming. We reprint here an excerpt from the September Mortimer Report:Seawater Services Processing Inc., 10000 Islands' largest desalination company, has announced a major breakthrough with the Thermionic Desalination processes. The new water reactor design allows for even greater amounts of seawater to be converted with less electrical input. 10000 Islands Desalination Plants anticipate the upgrades will increase revenue, and thus are producing an extra 5,000 Tacos this month to any islander owning them.
Mortimer Printout - October 2019
Economic Outlook
Sector: 3 - Regular Economy
Item: Desalination Plant
Bonus: 5,000 ₸
Mitigation: N/A
Adjustment: N/A
Individual stock performances can be found here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37906/thermionic-desalination-breakthrough-oct-2019?page=1&scrollTo=1708049.
BEHIND THE NATION
You know The Tasmanian Islands as the Minister of Education, a hardworking guy often found keeping late hours at the office to administer unto the needs of all Islanders. But we managed to reach him at home in a rare moment of relaxation, when he agreed to answer a few penetratingly insightful questions from our diligent reporter. TMS: What country are you from?
Tas: Australia, Tasmania actually being the small island state you see on the south-eastern corner of the country.
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
Tas: I was never a fan of raw cucumbers.
TMS: Who is your favorite musician?
Tas: I tend to listen to electo synth stuff, HOME and Overwerk are some of my personal favorites.
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
Tas: I used to play cricket for a bit, but I'm pretty bad at most sports.
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
Tas: Mountain Dew, I think the florescent colours would look pretty interesting for oceans.
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
Tas: That Lizardpeople secretly rule over us all, I for one welcome our Lizard overlords.
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write fan fiction for any TV show which TV show would it be.
Tas: Homer, creator of the Iliad, I wonder what kind of epics he'd make for shows which highlight recent conflicts like Band of Brothers and whatnot.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
Tas: I know I put down Mountain Dew to replace the oceans, but what if banned all caffeinated drinks, what would the scale of morning chaos be?
TMS: What is your favorite hobby?
Tas: I used to do woodworking, hand making small furniture like cabinets, tables and chairs. I found it quite soothing and enjoyable, maybe I'll go back to it one day.
TMS: What vice could you never give up?
Tas: Procrastination, I never could even when I tried.
TMS: If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
Tas: An Owl, they're basically cool and cute sky cats. Hoot Hoot.
TMS: What will be the title of your autobiography?
Tas: "20 years in and I still have no Idea what I'm doing" by The Tasmanian Islands.
Taz, TMS thanks your for your open candor, and for the glass of iced Mountain Dew.
WA SCENE
By
@thx1138
Once again we are happy to print the wheat that our intrepid reporter, @thx1138 , has separated from the political chaff in the WA Assembly Building at the United Regions complex. WA Scene November 2019
Yee-haw, pardners *pew pew* there’s a new WA Sheriff in town…oops, scratch that, I misread the press release... there’s a new WA Secretary in town… a gun totin’, cow punching, WA Secreta…. hmm, okay, no guns or cows… maybe I should read this release first…
Okay… we do have a new WA Secretary, and, it’s a brand new office in XKI, and, it’s our very own Minister of Immigration and renaissance man, Sargon Reman taking on the role. SR will be taking a portion of the workload from the Delegate’s office, spearheading efforts to reinvigorate regional membership and citizen participation in the World Assembly, developing strategies to increase our regional influence, giving voice to the region on the game-side on WA matters, and assisting burgeoning XKI authors in the creation of new WA resolutions… and he’s got a Deputy! A rootin’ tootin’, six-shootin’ Depu… uh, hmm, not that kind of Deputy after all… but a Deputy, nonetheless, and it’s Mingulay Isle, WA aficionado, and former Deputy WA Minister in TEP.
These two hardworking peacemakers will be blazing new trails across 10000 Islands, and leading the way to greener pastures. If you are not yet a member of the World Assembly, now is the time to hitch your wagon and join the train. Big things are on the horizon; but before we snap the reigns, a quick glance back to October’s WA activity:
General Assembly
GAR #472 Ban on the Sterilization of Minors etc.. This one flowed directly out of the September effort on the same subject but took a much less comprehensive approach to the subject. In fact, it read a bit like Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey into the Sterilization of Minors etc. Despite that, it hit into the warm and loving hearts of most voters, who are clearly much less cynical than I, and who like their minors fertile. The resolution passed with 77% support.
GAR #473 Responsible Land Management. A similar percentage of supporting votes elevated this resolution, which also flowed out of a repeal from the previous month. Where the target of that repeal fell short, this one excelled, providing a detailed blueprint for the protection of soils, natural vegetation, groundwater, and national ecosystems.
GAR #474 Financial and Economic Education. This was a very comprehensive consumer protection act, with an enhanced agenda for education around all things economic. Well, most things economic. Curiously absent was any mandate to educate citizens of their critical role through labour in their nation’s economy. I’m sure there exists some universe where all nations exist under an over-arching capitalist structure, but it is most definitely not the universe over which the WA presides. Perhaps the 84% of voters who supported this resolution simply forgot that fact.
GAR #475 Promoting Natural Sciences in Schools. The most popular resolution of the month saw a whopping 91% support. Universally beneficial and applicable to all WA nations, the goal here was to promote a reasoned understanding of the natural world and encouragement toward the scientific method. This promises to lead to future generations of dynamic thinkers and problem solvers.
Security Council
Repeal: Condemn The Black Hawks (did not pass). If the black hat fits, wear it. In fact, wear two. 82% against.
Happy Trails, Pilgrims.
LITERATI
Poet Laureate ContestSponsored by Ministry of Labor , October heralded a new Poet Laureate Competition, designed expressly for Halloween. The only rule was simple: With Halloween approaching, this iteration of the contest has the theme of fright. All poems must have something to do with fear, horror, dread, and/or scariness. The poem can be in any form and of any length. XKI was fortunate enough to witness three offering from some of the Islands’ finest wordsmiths.
Sir Aersoldorf has won the award so many times, it should be named after him, 18 times to be exact. Ordinarily, though, having an award named after oneself only happens posthumously, so Aerso will have to be satisfied winning the award once again, for the fifth consecutive time. To XKI’s avid readers of poetry (and who isn’t?), it comes as no surprise the Sir Aerso is once again our Poet Laureate. His poem in its entirety can be found here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37935/poet-laureate-winner-10-19.
A literary crisis looms on the horizon. Our Dear Editor has flat run out of submissions by XKI residents. It seems our local wordsmiths have exhausted their stockpile of words. We turn now to the reading, and writing, public for assistance. If you have any offerings, prose, poetry, or lyrics, please send them to our Editor, Jabberwocky , or The Mad Surfer . Otherwise we will be forced to print these things our Editor has written; trust us, you don’t want that.
RECRUITING
Our Minister of Immigration, in case you were wondering, is Sargon Reman . He’s not the type to loiter about the office when there is work to be done in the field, and he’s quick to dirty his hands on the nuts and bolts of daily recruiting. This month he was diligently working with his team of top tier recruiters, hitting the flux of incoming newbs fresh off the boat to help maintain the vital active population in XKI.XKI WANTS YOU!!! To prove this point, Minister Reman launched a November Recruitment Competition, to run the course of the month. To be specific, we quote the Minister:
The MOI would like to announce a November recruitment competition for all Accelerator account holders. The competition will run from November 1st to November 30th. In order to level the playing field for other recruiters, The World’s Greatest Recruiter of All Time, the legendary Escanaba , has withdrawn from the competition. Unfortunately, no one else gets quite the same success rate as does Escanaba; we’ll just have to muddle through without him. The prizes are based on the highest number of nations recruited and include the following taco payouts:
1st Place: 400,000
2nd Place: 300,000
3rd Place: 100,000
Additionally after the 15th of November the Ministry will create 3 puppet nations in celebration of American Thanksgiving and move them to a puppet storage region. The puppets will have a flag with a turkey on it and the words "10KI" in the motto section. The discovery of each nation is worth 5,000 tacos. To be eligible for the money the puppet must have a recruitment TG from you in its inbox.
Have fun!
EMPIRE OF POWER ANNEXATION DAY
October 19 marked an important day in XKI history, one without which these Islands would no longer exist but for the valiant combined efforts of several regions. Our Chief Executive, Markanite , explains it much better.Today marks Empire of Power Annexation Day, a day in which we remember when the Empire of Power became an official state of the 10000 Islands and became under complete authority of the 10000 Islands.
TITO defeated this region and the hordes of invaders which it housed. This triumph came as a response to an unprovoked attack from the Empire of Power. Back in 2003, they were the region that saw 10000 Islands as an easy target. With the help of a nation known as New Boniventure, the 10000 Islands was alerted to the Empire of Power attack. From there, the call for help was put out to many, many regions. Some regions answered our call that night and came to help. Most of those defenders that night came from the Urbanites, Texas, the Rejected Realms and others.
After the defeat of the Empire of Power, it became the goal of TITO not only to defend the shores of the 10000 Islands, but to also help other regions unjustly attacked. To date, we have defended over 3000 regions. The Empire of Power has been ultimately defeated, TITO lives on triumphant.
10000 Islands will never falter, never fail and will continue to help those who cannot defend themselves against the bullies of this game.
Long live 10000 Islands, long live TITO and long live the values that we share.
Mark
Chief Executive - 10000 Islands
COMING SOON!!
TMS has learned that many people in XKI are seeking advice about love, personal relationships, how to succeed in business without really trying; about etiquette, how to conduct oneself in social settings or to climb the ladder; what is the proper dress for the correct occasion; and many others among life’s complexities. These pressing concerns have lead us to include and advice column in next month’s issue. If you are one of those confused citizens seeking clarity, please send your questions to our publisher, The Mad Surfer , or our Editor in Chief, Jabberwocky via PM/TG. Naturally, all submissions shall remain anonymous, unless otherwise instructed. Thanks and a tip of the hat to XKI newcomer Sandy Shoals for giving us an idea we should have come up with on our own a long time ago.
XKI UNIVERSITY CLOSED!!
Last month TMS reported the possibility of the closure of our local bastion of higher learning, XKI University. Despite the valiant efforts of Minister of Education The Tasmanian Islands , Dean Palman and Deputy Dean Sargon Reman , plus the loyal professors and hardworking support staff, classrooms remain empty and the hallowed halls House hollow echoes. Taz offered this brief announcement:
To all visitors to XKI University
Today I must unfortunately announce the official closure of XKI University. Due to the high amounts of inactivity within the University threads and no interest shown to any of the proposed courses, classrooms are filled with nothing but empty desks and chairs. Though this is not the first time the university has had to close down, I do feel somewhat upset at myself for not being able to reinvigorate the University which was one of my primary objectives when I first took office earlier this year, so I apologize to everyone for not being able to carry out this duty.
I'd like to thank Dean Palman and Deputy Dean Sargon Reman for their work within the University in the past year, as well as all previous professors who tried to put their courses forward. I hope you may all continue to teach knowledge and wisdom throughout the Islands by other means.
All current threads in the University will be archived in the coming days.
The Tasmanian Islands - Minister of Education
FLOTSAM AND JETSAM
Old Regional Reserve - CTE has announced the appointment of a new Deputy RR Chair, Woonsocket , who moonlights as Regional Pollster as well. The former Chief Executive had been taking a semi-retired approach to life, but is now back in the headlines.
In an exciting move, Deputy Cartographer General Free Earthian Yap has completed the final phase on four different versions of the regional map. Be sure to stop by and admire his work at: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37982/xki-map-versions. In an intriguing twist, nations are now free to develop trade routes and pacts with other nations. For details please read this: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37984/introducing-trade-routes-pacts. And don’t forget to read the October Immigration Report: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37970/october-moi-report?page=1&scrollTo=1712536.
Calendar
In the month of November we have several important dates for Islanders in the know to mark on their calendars:
Nov. 3 – Woonsockens Day: Commemorating and celebrating the union of Woonsocket and Wordy on the anniversary of their XKI wedding.
Nov. 4 – Commemorating and celebrating the union of Woonsocket and Wordy on the anniversary of their XKI wedding.
Nov. 14 -
Shelter's Taco Island Day: Commemorating 10,000 Islands most popular spam forum, Taco Island.
The Ten Thousand Islands has reached the very respectable age of 300 NS years. For the reverential, Paffnia observed the occasion with a modest ceremony appointed in very good taste but at no expense to the taxpayers. Happy Birthday, XKI!!!
EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES
As usual, the Ministry of Labor has a number of job opportunities for those willing to do a little actual work to earn your daily tacos.
10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37610/emissaries-needed
The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But maybe you would like to try your hand at it, too. Please notify Jabberwocky to apply.
You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/35671/subscription-sign-list.
The Mad Surfer is:
Staff Writers: Jabberwocky, THX1138
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky
