The Mad Surfer, December 2019 Dec 9, 2019 16:04:40 GMT -5 Paffnia, HumanSanity, and 5 more like this
Post by The Mad Surfer on Dec 9, 2019 16:04:40 GMT -5
THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of the 10000 Islands
A newspaper is a mirror reflecting the public, a mirror more or less defective, but still a mirror.
Weather: sunny skies
Water temp: skin temp
AND THEY’RE OFF! The autumn winds blew in a harvest election, featuring the usual pair of contests.
The election for Lyonesse East was a one trick pony in a minimalist field. Incumbent United Royal Islands watched the election results from home with a nice cup of tea as she coasted to an easy, uncontested victory. The seat for Himes West proved to be a fierce competition as Marxist Germany and Haivon battled neck and neck until the former eked out a late lead to carry the day. Congratulations on running clean campaigns.
Our current Council of Nine consists of the following:
The Council of Nine
Chief Executive: Markanite
Minister of Immigration: Sargon Reman
Minister of Education: The Tasmanian Islands
Minister of Labor: Paffnia
Senior Senator for Blue Canaria North: HumanSanity
Senator for Lyonnesse East: United Royal Islands
Senator for New Republica South: Aschente
Senator for Himes West: Gaming User (Marxist Germany)
--Deputy Minister of Immigration: THX1138
--Deputy Minister of Education: Na Kanaka Isles
--Deputy Senator for Himes West: Central Ruska
--Deputy Senator for Blue Canaria North: THX1138
On the diplomatic front, our Delegate Lenlyvit has established a new, groundbreaking coup, along with the Delegate from The North Pacific, McMasterdonia, by completing an international accord known as The North Pacific and 10000 Islands Cultural Exchange. We quote Kuriko’s press release:
The North Pacfic and 10000 Islands are pleased to announce that we will be co-hosting a cultural exchange, a fun event open to all. The event will run for one week (November 30th to December 7th).
The cultural exchange will be hosted in a special server for the purposes of the event. You can access the server here.
The event will include the following activities:
[*]Military operations between TITO and the North Pacific Army;
[*]A non-canon roleplay ball for characters from across both regions to attend, converse and create drama and intrigue; and
[*]An adventure based roleplay for all characters to get involved in.
This is a great opportunity to get to know other players and to build people to people links between our regions. We encourage everyone to get involved!
Kuriko doubled down and scored another victory with The Southern Islander Accord, negotiated with The Minister of Foreign Affairs of The South Pacific, Omega.
The Council of Nine of 10000 Islands and the Cabinet of the South Pacific are pleased to announce the ratification of the Southern Islander Accords.
The first treaty between 10000 Islands and the South Pacific, it helps to symbolize both regions' commitment to the Defender community. Both regions anticipate continued, if not even increased, military cooperation on efforts to ensure natives continue to be protected from those who would seek to destroy their communities. In addition, both regions will endeavor to increase cultural ties with one another in order to bolster our already healthy communities. It is our hope that this treaty can help strengthen the Defender community at large and that this is the start of a long and prosperous relationship between 10000 Islands and the South Pacific.
BUSINESS NEWSAt 10:43 am, a meteor entered the atmosphere and due to the extreme heat of entry, and the pressure that resulted from the rapid deceleration, broke apart into several fragments. Luckily for us Islanders, the fragments splashed down in the MinnaCaroline Ocean, the Himes Ocean, the Iwerddon Sea, and the Fleeb Straits. No land mass was hit. Due to the fragmentation and resultant impacts, a series of small tsunamis spread around the Islands causing minor damage. The damage was absorbed with little economic impacts to the affected islands, however those who had the foresight to purchase tsunami blockers from the store had an economic boost due to various treasures being stirred up and being caught by the blockers. 500 ₸ is awarded to those nations as a result.
In addition, our peerless Regional Reserve Chairperson United Royal Islands has decreed a holiday bonus for the Islands, to help spread holiday cheer. And tacos. As we all know, more tacos = more cheer. So cheers!
Mortimer Printout - November 2019
Sector: 1 - National Improvements
Item: Tsunami Blocker
Bonus: 500 ₸
From 01-October-2019 to 31-October-2019
Average Change: +405 ₸
Percent Change: 1% - Stocks are growing
Average Dividend (Base/Dividend): (285/290)
As usual, individual stock performances can be found here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38036/meteor-hits-islands?page=1&scrollTo=1715305.
BEHIND THE NATIONTMS scored a direct hit this month by bagging for our in depth interview the highly regarded TITO Tactical Officer Twobagger, caught in a rare respite between critical missions.
TMS: What country are you from?
I'm from the United States! Specifically, I'm from Texas, which some would say is pretty much it's own country already.
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
I unfortunately had to eat some very overcooked Brussels sprouts. They smelled awful, and tasted worse. But my then-girlfriend was cooking them for me, so I had to at least try them.
TMS: Who is your favorite musician?
I go back and forth between a few different ones. Lately, I've been listening to a lot of Dire Straits.
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
When I was younger, I quit football. At the time, my parents didn't approve. I was committed to other sports, anyway, so it was no huge loss for me.
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
I'd go with blood. I think it would look super cool, and it might even trigger the end of days. I've always wondered what that would be like.
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
My favorite conspiracy theory? Probably that the lizard people secretly control everything behind the scenes. And I'd never believe this. Everyone knows turtles run the world, anyway.
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write fan fiction for any TV show which TV show would it be.
I've always been partial to sonnets. I'd go with Elizabeth Browning. If I could resurrect her and make her write fan fiction for a TV show, it would have to be Schoolhouse Rock. I've always wondered what that kind of fanfiction you'd even write to go with that. I want to see what she'd come up with.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
Probably not surprising, but I'd ban overcooked Brussels sprouts. They smell absolutely terrible, and I'd want to jail anyone who tried to make me eat them.
TMS: What is your favorite hobby?
My favorite hobby would have to be board games! There's just something about sitting around the table with a group of friends, playing a game together. Sometimes it's co-op, sometimes it's everyone for themselves, and sometimes it's in the middle. My current favorite board game, by the way, is called Cosmic Encounters.
TMS: What vice could you never give up?
I'm pretty reckless sometimes. I don't know if I could ever give that up. It's kind of like gambling. There's just something about taking risks that gets my blood going... and I'm too poor to gamble all the time with money.
TMS: If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
Probably no surprise that I'd be the mighty turtle! I'd outlast everyone, as I proceeded slowly and steadily throughout.
TMS: What will be the title of your autobiography?
Turtles All the Way Down, I think. I really like that pun. I'd use it even if it was really tough to fit in casually.
@thx1138Is it just me, or is life getting awfully busy as we hustle into the holiday season? In a few short weeks, the decade will be over, empty champagne bottles will litter the streets, and we will find ourselves in the new 20’s, with untapped potential to be either roaring or boring.
That makes this the last WA Scene of the year, so I’ll take the opportunity to wish everyone a safe and enjoyable season, with my hope that all will experience the comforts of family, faith, food, and friendship.
If you’re like me, no holiday season is complete without another f-word, and that word, of course, is Festivus (for the rest of us). I’ve taken the liberty of covertly installing a Festivus pole in the hallowed halls of the Assembly, which security has thus far overlooked, likely confusing it for a poorly designed hat rack. And so, with the scene set, on with the celebration, and a review of last month’s WA activity, with the airing of grievances and some feats of strength:
GAR#476 Protecting Borrower Rights: A very popular resolution designed to keep debtors out of the luxurious confines of prison and ensure they are out in the world toiling endlessly to repay their benefactors. Alright, an honestly quite sound piece of legislation, which may have a critical flaw towards the end. There are some repeal rumblings, so we’ll see if it can hold.
SC#288 Commend Grays Harbor: The first of a slew of XKI generated resolutions in November, this one penned by local WA Sherriff Secretary, Sargon Reman. This one broke the mold a bit and touched on abilities in a target nation not often brought forward in commendations. The unique approach was well received, and 82% of voters agreed that Grays Harbor was their kind of nation.
Repeal: “Ban on Sterilization of Minors Etc” (Challenged, Illegal, Withdrawn): Lawyers, lawyers everywhere, and a late ruling from GenSec as to the legality of this repeal, citing Honest Mistake. This resolution went away.
The Amelioration of Maritime Conditions (did not pass): This one had everything: A vague indication of what nations should do, water stuff, love, some percentages, turtles, and a significant number of voters scratching their heads as to how it ever reached quorum. 79% against.
SC#289 Condemn Atlantic: Bad region did very bad things in the long, long ago, then they died, then one nation showed up there, and everyone feared more bad was to come, so the SC voted to hang a big bad sign on their door, or was it a welcome mat? I can never tell.
GAR#477 Convention on Animal Testing: Marxist Germany likes to see his name in print here, so he composed this successful protection for the wee critters. The Assembly had a love/hate relationship with the resolution, and the vote sheared just on the favourable side of 50%. There are vulnerabilities, however, and there is a repeal in the works, so we’ll likely talk about this one again in 2020.
SC#290 Liberate Aurelia: Delegate Kuriko is on a record setting run in the Assembly, much of it attributable to rock-solid research and a good instinct for when action is required. Protecting this historic region from poseurs was a priority for 85% of the Security Council, and a well-deserved nod goes to TITO and its allies in doing the post-pass heavy lifting.
Repeal: “Ban on Secret Treaties” (Challenged, Illegal, Withdrawn): This was not the first attempt to repeal this controversial legislation, and while the army of lawyers buried this particular repeal attempt, there is yet another repeal attempt in the chamber. The target resolution always puts me in the mind of Orwell’s Animal Farm, much loved and protected by those at the table, but likely of little good to those in the yard - even the cats. It probably should go, but it will take a Festivus miracle
LITERATIWe warned you this could happen. It was foretold, but our literary citizenry has let it happen anyway. Our archives have run dry and we are forced to entertain our Editor’s whim by printing something he penned. Don’t say we didn’t tell you in advance.
This is not poetry, but rather song lyrics, to wit:
It’s been a while since we did part
That day you left me with a broken heart
I saw you on the street, it was such a surprise
I walked up as if to catch your eye
You didn’t look up, you never glanced at me
Your handheld device was all you could see
When you walked out it broke me in two
I picked up the pieces to get over you
So when I ran into you yesterday
I only felt relief you didn’t look my way
I didn’t feel sad I didn’t feel blue
I did the only thing left for me to do
(I took a selfie)
A testament to one man’s pride
(I took a selfie)
Let the world know the way I feel inside
(I took a selfie)
Posted on the internet for all to see
(I took a selfie)
In case you forgot: it’s all about me.
(I took a selfie)
“No man is an island” no longer applies
(I took a selfie)
Tweet it or Facebook it and see if it flies
(I took a selfie)
Solipsism carried to its extreme
(I took a selfie)
My monument to ego is just what it seems
Naturally, a song is only complete with the accompanying music, and here’s a link to it: www.soundclick.com/music/songInfo.cfm?songID=12977634.
FEATURED NATIONOur Minister of Education, The Tasmanian Islands has named a Featured Nation for November. The lucky, not to mention meritorious, recipient of the monthly award is Dorab.
The Democratic Republic of Dorab is a small, environmentally stunning nation, renowned for its multi-spousal wedding ceremonies and irreverence towards religion. The compassionate, democratic population of 40 million Dorabians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.
The large, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Welfare. The average income tax rate is 43.8%, but much higher for the wealthy.
Be sure to catch the entire ceremony:
RECRUITINGMinister of Immigration Sargon Reman kicked off the November Recruitment Competition by going into the field not only to join his recruiting team, but to lead them into the fray. Sargon was at the vanguard of a blitzkrieg of telegrams sent to new arrivals in Nation States to invite them into the fairest region in the known universe. In order to give others a fair chance, The Greatest Recruiter Since the Dawn of Time, Escanaba, declined to compete. It turned out to be a fierce competition, and our fearless leader emerged from the fray victorious. The three top recruiters in this contest were Sargon Reman, HumanSanity, and Jabberwocky! These three winner took home 400,00 tacos, 300k and 100k. They spent little time patting themselves on the back however, for in spite of their valiant efforts, and those of our Welcome Committee, our regional population continues to decline. Although nearly 1300 TGs were sent, with almost 200 successful recruits, our population slowly wanes. This, of course, means we need more recruiters. This means YOU! Sign up today! Just contact Sargon Reman.
TMS has learned that many people in XKI are seeking advice about love, personal relationships, how to succeed in business without really trying; about etiquette, how to conduct oneself in social settings or to climb the ladder; what is the proper dress for the correct occasion; and many others among life’s complexities. These pressing concerns have lead us to include and advice column in next month’s issue. If you are one of those confused citizens seeking clarity, please send your questions to our publisher, The Mad Surfer, or our Editor in Chief, Jabberwocky via PM/TG. Naturally, all submissions shall remain anonymous, unless otherwise instructed. Thanks and a tip of the hat to XKI newcomer Sandy Shoals for giving us an idea we should have come up with on our own a long time ago.
FLOTSAM AND JETSAM
Old Regional Reserve - CTE announced a winner for Account of the Quarter Q4 2019, and that winner is no other than our own revered XKI Delegate, @lenlivit. Madame Delegate found a short break in her busy schedule to accept her award in her typically gracious manner.
As usual, the Ministry of Labor has a number of job opportunities for those willing to do a little actual work to earn your daily tacos.
This last opening is or particular importance. The Casino has been inoperative for more than six months, and legions of gamblers are experiencing symptoms of extreme withdrawal. Our Editor and Publisher are both in deep, and are lobbying vociferously to see this post filled and the bright lights of the Casino once more dazzle an overmatched populace.
The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But maybe you would like to try your hand at it, too. Please notify Jabberwocky to apply.
You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/35671/subscription-sign-list.
The Mad Surfer is:
Staff Writers: Jabberwocky, THX1138
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky
Assistant Editor: Marxist Germany