The Mad Surfer, February 2020 Feb 9, 2020 16:20:50 GMT -5 Paffnia, HumanSanity, and 6 more like this
Post by The Mad Surfer on Feb 9, 2020 16:20:50 GMT -5
THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of the 10000 Islands
People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.
A. J. Liebling
A. J. Liebling
Weather: sunny skies
Water temp: skin temp
LABOR VACANCYIf you’ve been in these Islands for more than about ten minutes, you know the name of Paffnia . This near legendary member of our society is widely known as our Registrar General, as well as the Minister of the Department of Labor. One of the hardest working individuals in XKI, he has announced that he is relinquishing his duties in these posts. But we’ll let him break the news:
“It is with a mix of emotions that I am stepping down from the Council. As of March 6th at 5 P.M. Pacific, I am resigning as both Minister of Labor and Registrar-General, and I have informed Markanite as much. It has been an honor to serve on the Council, implement new ideas to improve the region, work alongside and learn from my peers on the Council, help place Islanders in roles they enjoy and thrive at, and record and organize the laws that govern our region. I leave the Council for a few specific reasons,” but to know those reasons you’ll have to read the entire brief speech here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38420/stepping-steps-back. However, he made it clear that “I'm not going anywhere, though: I will remain on as Cartographer-General, Regional Genealogist, Ambassador, and Chairman of Taco Island Charities.”
That’s the good news. The bad news is that his now vacant jobs will require his Brobdingnagian shoes to be filled, in a kingdom where few Brobdingnags can be found. Paffnia, we wish you the best of luck in your new RL job as well, and we’re happy as proverbial clams that you aren’t leaving.
This election cycle turned out to be a lively one, with debates galore and candidates striving to impress the populace with their respective agendas. In the race for Blue Canaria North, @thx1138 (Independent) got off to a hot start by racing off to a commanding lead, one he never relinquished. His opponent Pologue (Independent) appeared in his first election and ran a clean campaign, but found life in XKI’s political trenches to be a rough road indeed, garnering only about 11% of the vote.
New Republica South offered us a different kettle of fish, as HumanSanity (MSPP) jumped ship to run for a new office, and Dorab decided to test his mettle for the recently formed WIP. Popular HS leaped to an early lead and garnered about 69% of the final tally, but Dorab made a good showing before fading in the final furlongs. Our congratulations to all involved, and our gratitude for helping maintain a healthy, vital political community.
But a word to the wise for our electorate: don’t relax yet. March elections are coming up for Lyonesse East and Himes West.
Government Officials of 10000 Islands
Last Updated: January 22, 2020
The Council of Nine
Chief Executive: Markanite
Minister of Labor: Paffnia
Minister of Immigration: Sargon Reman
Minister of Education: The Tasmanian Islands
Senior Senator for New Republica South: HumanSanity
Senator for Lyonnesse East: United Royal Islands
Senator for Himes West: Marxist Germany
Senator for Blue Canaria North: @thx1138
--Deputy Minister of Immigration: Haivon
--Deputy Senator for Himes West: Central Ruska
BUSINESS NEWSInvestors were alarmed when the December Mortimer report was not published in its usual prompt fashion, but it turns out the mysteriously missing money magnate Mortimer M. Mortimer was snowbound in a summit upon a summit in Switzerland. However, the December issue was posted belatedly, and the January report appeared as it should. It appears the trucking industry experienced a significant boost during the holidays, both as a result of holiday generosity as well as the abundance of returned merchandise. A summary of the latest stock report reads thus:
Mortimer Printout - January 2020
Sector: 3 - Regular Economy
Bonus: 250 ₸
From 01-December-2019 to 31-December-2019
Average Change: -885 ₸
Percent Change: -2% - Stocks Decline
Average Dividend (Base/Dividend): (285/280). The full report can be found here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38347/new-years-celebration.
NEWS ALERT! This latest bulletin just reached the Editor’s desk, and much to our astonishment, said Editor is actually IN his office, not basking in the sun or frolicking in the waves. But, we digress. The real news here is that United Royal Islands has been appointed Casino Manager by our exalted Chief Executive Markanite . No one will be happier than both our Editor and Publisher, both of whom can be seen tripping the Casino’s light fantastic on frequent occasions. Get your tacos in order, gamblers! XKI Casino is BACK IN BUSINESS!
COMMERCEA few months ago, senior Senator of New Republica South HumanSanity , drafted the Liberal Understanding and Commerce Agreement (LUAC). Member nations accede to this agreement in order to foster international trade to mutually grow their economies and national well-being and to protect the rights of the environment and those most vulnerable to the impacts of trade, who instead should and shall share fairly in its benefits.
This opened the door for the new Inter Islands Trade Pact (IITP), a recent agreement signed by Dorab and Jabberwocky , establishing terms of commerce between these two groundbreaking nations. To add another intriguing twist, these new trade agreements will be added to an XKI map as trade routes, an element added by Paffnia . Member nations of IITP encourage other nations to enter into similar agreements with them, provided new members are willing to adopt the provisions of the LUAC. Other trade agreements have been written in the past; Marxist Germany wrote one back in January (http://10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38235/10000-islands-free-trade-agreement), but this is the first to see a response. With some luck and entrepeneurial spirit, this move could foster Itrade between more Islands on the map.
BEHIND THE NATIONThis month’s interview features an Islander who has shown little activity in the last couple of months, so we figure we had better get this one printed before the guy goes CTE, after which point it would be sort of superfluous. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you Ammotangandia .
TMS: What country are you from?
Ammo: Missouri, USA. Home of the Arch
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
Ammo: Fried butter sandwich at a friend's house. Never again.
TMS: Who is your favorite musician?
Ammo: I am a big fan of Imagine Dragons.
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
Ammo: I played basketball for 2 years because I thought I would be good because I was tall. I was wrong.
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
Ammo: Hot chocolate. Love my hot chocolate.
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
Ammo: The world is controlled by alien reptile people and I don't believe in it.
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write fan fiction for any TV show which TV show would it be.
Ammo: I would think a Star Wars fan fic by JK Rowling would be something interesting.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
TMS: What is your favorite hobby?
Ammo: I've always liked soccer. And unlike basketball, I'm actually good at it.
TMS: What vice could you never give up?
Ammo: I usually have at least 2 afternoon snacks of chips.
TMS: If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
Ammo: Peregrine Falcon
TMS: What will be the title of your autobiography?
Ammo: The Incredible Story of Me
Despite the fact that we had hoped for a greater level of volubility, we nevertheless appreciate the fact that you took the time to illuminate these serious issues.
@thx1138Before the goods, a quick correction on a mistake made in the last issue. I erroneously stated that Kuriko had passed the most resolutions in the WA, when that honour belongs to Imperium Anglorum of Europe. Kuriko is the most successful resolution author in the Security Council (and judging by the SC at vote, she’s not done yet). Thanks to Marxist Germany for the spotting the error.
Speaking of MG, you’ll note two successful resolutions passed in January that bear his name, one SC and one GA. Great work, as usual.
XKI saw a big jump in WA membership in January. Between Sargon Reman’s new WA incentives and the influx of new nations from reddit, member nations in the region increased from 380 to 452, and endorsements for Delegate Kuriko now sit at whopping 364. That’s a bit of a good news/ bad news thing: Big endos on the Delegate give the region more voting power in the WA, but it also means that around 90 WA nations aren’t endorsing the Delegate, so that power could be greater still.
WA nations don’t forget to endorse the Delegate.
One last note, in the category of shameless self-promotion. I’ll be submitting an SC Commendation for a very worthy nation in February, so keep an eye out for it. The target is a very-good dude, who has done a lot for the smaller regions in NS. If there’s any decency in the world, it should reach quorum. If so, I hope you’ll give it your vote. Also, thanks to Kuriko for helping me out with the drafting, legal, editing, coding, etc, etc
And now, without further ado…the goods…
GAR#480 Wartime Healthcare Protections: This resolution looked to sheltering triage centers in combat zones, and to keep baddies from preventing soldiers getting the medical help they need. It was nicely written and very thorough and passed readily with 75% support.
SCR#294 Commend Ramaeus: A 7 year resident of The East Pacific, and deeply engaged in regional government, including service as Delegate, Minster of WA Affairs, and Magister (which I’m assuming relates to Wizardry somehow). Ramaeus is a heavy hitter in the WA sphere, and a prolific author as well. There was little doubt this one would pass, and 80% of voters brought it home.
Subject State Enforcement Act (GA, did not pass): An effort to extend WA rules to non WA (or occasional WA) proxy nations of the member nation. Now, I’m pretty cautious about compliance with the WA, although I think I am the exception rather than the rule among member nations. Most don’t take it quite so seriously. That said, I hated this thing with a bile that I can not begin to describe. Deep down inside, I’m a NatSov guy, and when the WA tries to overreach, I’ll bite that feeding hand like an angry beagle. Thankfully, 77% of voters also lifted their leg, and away it went.
GAR#481 Data Protection Accord: It was there, then it got repealed, then it was back, then it got pulled, then it was there, then it passed! Quite the rollercoaster ride for author Marxist Germany, but tenacity pays off. MG got the W and the world’s data is a little bit safer thanks to their efforts.
Forensics Accord (GA, did not pass): This was a bit of a confused effort to direct nations toward the use of forensic genetics in determining causes of wrongful death and in proving identify. No one really seemed to understand why this was necessary, since it’s been a common medical practice for some time. The resolution was seen as attempting to fill a legal void that didn’t really exist, and 74% voted against.
GAR#482 Ensuring Safe Syringe Use: In short, outlining practices for use of needles in medicine, to ensure they are properly sterilized and to prevent the spread of disease. At first, I briefly questioned whether this one was necessary, but then, coronavirus, so yeah. 87% were in favour.
SCR#295 Commend Benevolent Thomas: Suffice to say, this one passed handily, and for all the right reasons. I mean, it’s right there in the nation name. Would it have done as well if the nation was called ’Malevolent Thomas’, or Thomas Who Hates His Grandma? Who knows? People seem to like the good guys, and that’s good enough for me. MG's second W of the month, as well!
Condemn Norrlands (SC, did not pass): People kinda like the bad guys too, and this RP condemnation aimed at vilifying and celebrating the target simultaneously. As always, the decision was deferred to the RP community, who know way more about all this stuff than we, the uninitiated. They said nay, and mainly because of limited participation across available platforms, and that led to an 87% vote against
Ban on The Involuntary Administration of Drugs (GA, withdrawn for legal reasons): This one went away while it was at vote, and probably for the best. It was both a convoluted morass of conflicting ideas, and, it was passing – likely because most don’t take the time to read these things. A legality challenge was brought, the resolution got yanked, and everyone celebrated with some involuntarily administered opioids and a nice glass of Chianti.
Commend Crushing Our Enemies (SC, did not pass): So, a good guy got the nod, and a ‘bad’ guy got the bum’s rush, and then came COE. Here’s a player that has contributed in a variety of ways to the regions in which they have resided, but they’ve done a fair bit of dirt in the past, through raiding. It certainly wasn’t a tough call locally, where raiding is universally frowned upon (and for good reason), but in some regions, where raiding exists in some sort of mental-gymnastics-grey-area-vortex, there was some idea that it shouldn’t matter. It matters according to the majority of the SC, and although the vote was close (mainly due to the target being in a WALL region) 54% voted against. Had this been a similar nation from any other region, that margin would have been much wider.
That’ll do, Pig. That'll do.
FEATURED NATIONOur Minister of Education, The Tasmanian Islands , has named a new Featured Nation: Ozierri.
The Armed Republic of Ozierri
'Watch out for space zombies'
National Animal: Space Dolphin
The Armed Republic of Ozierri is a small, safe nation, remarkable for its compulsory military service, frequent executions, and compulsory gun ownership. The hard-nosed population of 20 million Ozierrians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.
The medium-sized, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Healthcare, and Industry. The average income tax rate is 38.9%, but much higher for the wealthy.
That’s the short version. To get the full skinny, proceed thus: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38411/10000-islands-featured-nation-ozierri?page=1&scrollTo=1726407.
This month's problem made me a little queasy, dear Reader. I leave it to you to decide for yourselves, and please don't hesitate to let me know how you feel about it. I will be happy to print responses.Q: I grew up in London, and one of my favourite meals as a child was jellied eels, which consists of chunks of boiled eel meat suspended in a clear gelatin, and eaten cold. The jelly gives the eel meat a delicious sweetness, and it's a pretty common dish where I'm from. Problem is, I now live abroad, and the eating of eels this way is not very accepted. I had been craving it, so I made some last week, and was excited for my husband to try it. He was so disgusted when he saw it, he gagged and was nearly sick. He told me to throw it in the bin, and it caused a big row between us. I didn't want to waste it, so I took it to work the next day as my lunch. I got called into HR because my coworkers said that watching me eat it made everyone ill. Now, I'm very sad. I can no longer enjoy my favourite dish at home, and there are no shops here that make it. My coworkers whisper behind my back, and my husband hasn't kissed me in days. I've tried Unagi at the sushi places, but it's just not the same. I love this food, what can I do?
SS: I had never heard of 'jellied eels' before your letter, so I did an online search. Let's just say that's nothing I'd ever put in my mouth, but I get that people in different places eat different things, and I don't want to judge. A little research shows that eating eel is actually really good for you, lots of vitamins and minerals, high in omega 3 fatty acids, low in sodium, aids digestion and improves the body's metabolism. I think if you are going to fight for your right to eat your eels, your way, that should be your first line of defense. Find an online article on the benefits of this food, print it off, and casually leave it somewhere in your home where your husband will find it and read it. Hopefully, he'll get the message, and will bring up the subject with you. That's the time to push for your slippery friends, and maybe make a deal with him where you can make it on a night when he gets a pizza or something. That way you can still enjoy it at home when you get a craving, and he can eat his pizza while he watches the game or whatnot. You can't make him share your love for the dish, but since he loves you, it should be a workable compromise. As for taking the dish to work, I'm with HR, stick to non-exotic lunches for a while, and soon enough your coworkers will find someone else to whisper about, like that hussy Cheryl in accounting.
Are you troubled too? Are you one of the many who seek advice for personal or professional problems? Ask Sandy Shoals !
FLOTSAM AND JETSAMChief Executive Markanite has appointed a new Cultural Office, the office itself being new to XKI. Our new CO is none other than Senior Senator HumanSanity . TMS extends its felicitations to HS; we’re eager to see him in action.
You can find Senior Senator HumanSanity ’s latest Council Report here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38436/council-report-february-2020.
Our beloved Chief Executive Markanite has completed his first year of service in office. Well done, Mark! Sargon Reman threw a small party for Mark’s closest associates. No, we weren’t invited either, and that’s the end of that.
Scribe alert! February features the Poet Laureate Competition, running from Feb.1 to13. Sharpen your quills and give Aersoldorf some competition.
February 10 is Delegate Day, commemorating past UN and WA Delegates.
As usual, the Ministry of Labor has a number of job opportunities for those willing to do a little actual work to earn your daily tacos.
The Cultural Office is seeking a Cultural Office Assistant to run a small regional card farming operation in order to harvest high value cards to use as incentives in Cultural Office events. The position pays 2,000 per month. Contact Cultural Officer HumanSanity if interested.
The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But maybe you would like to try your hand at it, too. Please notify Jabberwocky to apply.
You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/35671/subscription-sign-list.
The Mad Surfer is:
Staff Writers: Jabberwocky , @thx1138 , Sandy Shoals
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky
Assistant Editor: Marxist Germany