The Mad Surfer, April 2020 Apr 9, 2020 15:23:05 GMT -5 Paffnia, HumanSanity, and 5 more like this
Post by Jabberwocky on Apr 9, 2020 15:23:05 GMT -5
THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of the 10000 Islands
“Every time a newspaper dies, even a bad one, the country moves a little closer to authoritarianism…”
Weather: sunny skies
Water temp: skin temp
POLITICSNS SECRETARY GENERAL ELECTION
Let’s take a moment here to congratulate our Delegate, Lenlyvit , for her astonishing come from behind victory to become our new Secretary General. Her running mate was The Potato Poet of Salaxalans from the region Spiritus. Please note that her domain extends far beyond just XKI, which, as we all know, is the center of the known Universe, to incorporate the broader NS world as well. Well done, Kuriko!
You want elections? We got ‘em. Take, for example, the March contest.
The race for Lyonesse East featured a single candidate, incumbent @ royaleuramathania (TCP), so it was no surprise she won easily. What raised our collective eyebrow was that nine voters refrained from voting for her. We can only construe this as a protest against the very notion of running unopposed.
The contest for Himes West was also…no contest, as TCP candidate Marxist Germany tallied nearly 92% of the vote.
In fact, the most excitement was provided by the special election for New Republica South, which at least had the good grace to have two candidates. In this matchup, we saw first time candidate HN67 (MSPP) square off against Dorab (WIP) in his sophomore effort. With nearly 50% of the vote in, it was tied, but in the legends HN67 gained a lead he wouldn't relinquish. We congratulate HN67 on his victory, and Dorab for a campaign well run. We are certain to see Dorab on the political scene in the future.
Last but not least we saw incumbent XKI Delegate Lenlyvit (TCP) in one corner, facing last minute candidate Hakketomat , the first offering for TIP in a year. Predictably, Kuriko won in a landslide, but we at TMS appreciate his valiant efforts to keep the political system vital. Well done, Hakke.
Government Officials of 10000 Islands
Last Updated: April 3rd, 2020The Council of Nine
Chief Executive: Markanite
Minister of Labor: HumanSanity
Minister of Immigration: THX1138
Minister of Education: The Tasmanian Islands
Senior Senator for Himes West: Gaming User (Marxist Germany)
Senator for New Republica South: HN67
Senator for Lyonnesse East: United Royal Islands
Senator for Blue Canaria North: Pelanesomunk
--Deputy Minister of Education: Sargon Reman
--Deputy Minister of Immigration: Haivon
--Deputy Senator for Himes West: Central Ruska
Our investigative staff recently discovered that our Minister of Immigration, Sargon Reman has been removed from office by our Chief Executive, Markanite . Minister Reman was removed due to particular violations against XKI. While it is our public mandate and sad duty to report this incident, from respect for all parties involved, we won't delineate the details here, despite the fact that any sensationalist publication would milk it for more sales. We resist the impulse to be lurid, and instead provide this link for interested readers: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38654/sargon-reman-departing-minister-immigration. Let it be noted that TMS remains, as always, an outspoken supporter of our CE.
However, as one door closes, and all that. Reman’s departure created an opening, and Mark was quick to fill that vacancy as he appointed @thx1138 as the new MoI. Mr. T, as he is affectionately known to those closest to him, is also well known as a scribe for this very publication, and we trust the Ministry is in good hands under his oversight.
Of course you’ve noticed that THX1138 had to vacate his post as Senator of Blue Canaria North in order to assume his post at the Ministry. Our CE was once again hard at work, naming Pelanesomunk as Senator of BCN. Pelanesomunk has only been in XKI for a couple of months, and acts also as an XKI recruiter, but is rapidly making a name for himself on the local scene.
This seems like a perfect segue into the new Minister's Immigration Report. There were some technical problems within Accelerator this month, but by month's end, our population was greater than at month's beginning. Here too Pelanesomunk distinguished himself by being the leading recruiter for March, an honor typically held by The All Time Greatest Recuiter, Escanaba .
Restarting the Economy: Woonsocket has announced that payouts for Shop Items have resumed. A number of lucky businessmen finally got what was due them.
ROLE PLAY WRAP UPHimes West Senator Marxist Germany announced the April Trade Pacts Competition. As GM himself said: The objective of this competition is to try to get as many people as you can to join your trade pact, you have until April 30th to do so. The winning trade pact will receive 10,000 tacos for each member to be split evenly amongst them. This should be very straightforward and I hope that more people will be participating in this competition as opposed to the last one we held. We encourage you to seek further details here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38723/april-trade-pacts-competition.
TMS has been covering the story about the development of a new NS region devoted specifically to Role Play. That region is on the verge of becoming a reality, and our CE Markanite is looking for a name for said region. As he put it: Following the passage of the above law we are going to create a region for the purpose of hosting Regional Message Board (RMB) Role Play. The region shall have an embassy with the main region of 10000 Islands and only with the main region of 10000 Islands, it will a way for RMB users to roleplay without interrupting other conversations on the rmb! Be sure to read the specifics at: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38734/name-10000-islands-roleplay-region.
The Eurovision 2020 NS Singing Competition is currently open to new contestants who want to blow out their pipes. Hosted by South St. Marten from Europe, the contest is open to Europe and affiliated regions, who will compete for the winning spot. The preliminary rounds will be held in Target Field and the final rounds will be held in King Edward III Stadium. Do not submit an actual video, but rather, make up a singer/group and song/act that would be popular in your nation.
For full details, check out this Dispatch: www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=1333953.
For the record, Jabberwocky has entered the contest with his locally famous Taco Island Surf and Blues Band. Be sure to get in on the fun.
BEHIND THE NATION
It is our great pleasure to feature an interview this month with someone who needs no introduction but will bloody well get one anyway. The winner of the recent election for Himes West is also a reputable writer in his own right, and famous in gaming circles as well. Among his many accomplishments, MG is a journalist, writing for a prestigious publications. This multitalented man is no other than our very own Marxist Germany .
TMS: What country are you from?
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
MG: Unlike most people, I do not force myself to eat gross food to be polite, I usually just answer with "no thanks", and take an extra portion of some food I prefer.
TMS: Who is favorite musician?
MG: I actually do not know, I don't listen to music that much, but I'd say Beethoven sounds good.
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
MG: Football, no not American football, but actual football. I quit because I was bad at it and got frequent injuries, nothing major however.
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
MG: Hydrochloric Acid.
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
MG: The conspiracy theory that the CIA murdered JFK. Not sure if I believe it or not.
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write fan fiction for any TV show which TV show would it be.
MG: George R. R. Martin is a great author. Fan fiction for Game of Thrones, the show was unsatisfactory.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
TMS: What is your favorite hobby?
MG: Reading books, unless playing video games counts as a hobby.
TMS: What vice could you never give up?
MG: Procrastination, oh boy I'm really good at procrastination, one moment I have plenty of time to do something, the next I realize the assignment is due tomorrow.
TMS: If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
MG: Cat, I would get spoiled by my owner.
TMS: What will be the title of your autobiography?
MG: Not sure about this one... how about "Why being smart sucks".
Our Editor insists that being smart does NOT suck...and he's convinced he's the smartest guy around.
In the immortal words of John Lennon: ‘Nobody told me there’d be days like these…’
As far as months go, this last one is right up near the top of my weird-meter. With all this time in relative isolation, one might assume I’d make great use of all this unencumbered free time. Well, one would be wrong. In fact, I’ve managed to find a variety new and exciting ways to procrastinate and shirk responsibility – no small feat given that I was already a card -carrying member of the slack brigade.
The time has come, however, to put pen to paper (or well-washed fingertips to keyboard) and draft up this month’s WA Scene, which should make our editor happy, given that I’ve been dicking around for days, and he’s been sending me gentle ‘reminders’.
Before we take a stroll through the abstract gallery of March oblations to the WA gods, a quick shout out to our own Kuriko, and congratulations on the resounding victory in the recent Sec-Gen election. Like Hera on Olympus, I’ve no doubt Kuriko will rule with compassion and thoughtfulness, and with only the occasional smiting of those mortals who dare to oppose…looking at you Joco.
Oceanic Hazardous Waste Disposal Ban (GA, Legality Challenge, withdrawn) Probably the best so far of the numerous attempts to block nations from dumping hazardous waste into the Ocean (which you’d think would be a no-brainer) but this resolution happened to tread on ground covered in legislation elsewhere, and so, got snuffed before it had a chance to pass.
Liberate The East Pacific (SC, did not pass) There is, of course, room for humour in the Security Council, but none could be found here. This just ended up confusing those who thought they were doing some good by supporting it and drew the ire of those who felt this resolution was simply frivolous. The vote was closer than expected, but 56% went against, removing the need for the inevitable insta-repeal, had it passed.
Repeal "Promotion of Recycling" (GA, did not pass) This repeal made some dubious claims relating to how nations or businesses might use recycling to somehow gain competitive advantage over others, which all seemed a bit Ayn Rand to me. Recycling, despite its many flaws and inefficiencies, is mighty popular with folks, and repealing this one is not likely anytime soon. 81% voted against repeal.
SC#298 Commend Kindjal A slow-burner of a resolution, that built its case quite nicely. Kindjal as a nation is pretty good at a lot of things in NS, and the best in the world at a lot of others. Longevity notwithstanding, those are some enviable national stats, and while not the usual form for an SC commendation, voters appreciated the fresh perspective and gave it 72% support.
GA#484 (but not for long) Disease Naming Compact The first of a couple of COVID-inspired resolutions in March. I didn’t hate it. Seemed simple enough to have one body oversee the naming of communicable disease strains so we’d all be singing from the same hymn-book, but, this song wasn’t meant to be sung. More on that shortly.
Commend Cormactopia Prime (SC did not pass) The author here seems resigned to being an ongoing pain in the ass in the SC, and this was the first of a two-part Commend/Condemn split, for the same controversial target. This resolution cherry-picked positive aspects of the target as a means to divorce those actions from the less savoury stuff to come, in the heavily foreshadowed part 2. The whatever quotient was high. 68% against.
Interference-Causing Equipment Standards Act Pretty sure only about 14 people actually read this resolution, which outlined some restrictions on ownership of electronic devices that are specifically designed to mess with the performance of other electronic devices. That, and some general rules about device shielding to prevent it happening inadvertently. Seemed sensible to me, but 76% of voters refused to answer the call.
On The Health and Financial Well-being of Workers (GA, did not pass) Seeking to capitalize on the anxiety and fiscal instability surrounding the health-crisis-du-jour, this half-hearted resolution was about money and sickness and stuff. Judging by the haphazard construction, this res may have been written while the author was...let's say, 'otherwise indisposed'. Fortunately, it failed to pass by a thin margin. Let's hope the author didn't have the same problem.
Condemn Cormactopia Prime (SC, did not pass) Weary of the shenanigans, 75% of voters expressed their fatigue in no uncertain terms.
GA#458 Repeal "Disease Naming Compact" Disease Naming Compact, we hardly knew ye, but your repeal shall live forever.
…Strange days, indeed.
ROOKIE OF THE QUARTER
Senator Marxist Germany has announced the winner of the Rookie of the Quarter. Since this is the second quarter, that is known as the ROQ Q2 2020. MG stood at the podium before a small crowd of enthusiasts while orating briefly on his appointee:
We are gathered here today to honor Pelanesomunk as the new Rookie of the Quarter. Pelanesomunk joined the 10000 Islands in November and the regional forum on the 26th of February. Since then, they have accomplished many achievements including:
He was top recruiter for April with over 5500 TGs, and has already recruited 90 new islanders.
He has joined The Circle Party, and has been appointed as Senator for Blue Canaria North by Chief Executive Markanite recently.
He has joined TITO and deployed on 5 missions already.
He is an active spammer in Taco Island and has posted on over 700 occasions.
He has been hired as a Buddy, and has welcomed 24 nations.
It is my honor as Senior Senator to present Pelanesomunk with the Rookie of the Quarter award!
This month's letter writer is seeking advice for an age old problem that nearly all of us have experienced at one time or another. Get out your noseplugs and delve right into this one.
I am a college freshman, living on-campus in a shared dorm room. Everything is going great, and I'm making friends, classes are going okay, but I have one very big problem. My roomie stinks. Don't get me wrong, he's clean, and he's an okay guy, but his farts reek, and he farts all the time. I've never known anyone who farts so much. I come back to the dorm after classes, and the smell hits me like a truck. I call him on it, and he just laughs at me. I told him to keep the window or the door open, but he complains it's too cold or too noisy. I tried to talk to the RA but there are no other beds available right now. They told me to get an air-freshener for the room, but that just made it smell like mountain rain and farts. I need a solution fast. I'm starting to smell it even when he's not around, and I'm afraid it's seeping into my clothes.
SS: First, ew! I'm so sorry you're having this problem. Unless your room-mate has some sort of illness, their gassy outbursts are probably diet related. Maybe they eat too much jumk. Maybe they're allergic to lactose or gluten. Whatever the cause, I'd recommend having a candid talk with them about adjusting their eating habits to try and reduce their environmental impact. If he's a straight guy, use the single greatest motivator: girls don't like guys who smell. If you can get him on side, and get him eating a little differently, the problem should fade away. In the meantime, get a few packs of matches and leave them in the room. Lighting a match, then blowing it out will clear the room of any bad odor in seconds. Show your roomie this trick, and ask him to do the same when you're not around. That should hopefully clear the air between you two.
Are you troubled too? Are you one of the many who seek advice for personal or professional problems? Ask Sandy Shoals !
BEST FLAG AND MOTTO COMPETITION
Minister of Labor HumanSanity has announced a new competition for Best Flag and Motto for XKI. This is to represent XKI in an NS wide contest. You know there’s going to be a pileup at the admissions desk. For details on how to enter, as well as a very impressive banner, hasten thee hence to: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38741/best-flag-motto-competition.
Newly elected NS Secretary General Lenlyvit is seeking a Secretary of State. It is not entirely clear just what the job duties are, which can also be said of the SecGen’s position, but any interested parties should apply within: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38763/seeking-secretary-state.
The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But maybe you would like to try your hand at it, too. Please notify Jabberwocky to apply.
Markanite is looking for a new WA Secretary. For job scope and qualifications, as well as to apply, seek within: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38656/wa-secretary-needed.
As always, XKI needs Emissaries to help conduct our foreign affairs. Please apply here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37610/emissaries-needed.
You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/35671/subscription-sign-list.
The Mad Surfer is:
Staff Writers: Jabberwocky , @thx1138 , Sandy Shoals
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky
Associate Editor: Marxist Germany