The Mad Surfer, May 2020
May 10, 2020 16:19:48 GMT -5
Lenlyvit, Marxist Germany, and 4 more like this
Post by The Mad Surfer on May 10, 2020 16:19:48 GMT -5
THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of the 10000 Islands
May 2020
May 2020
I'll give anything for a good copy now, be it true or false, so it be news.
Ben Jonson
Weather: sunny skies
Water temp: skin temp
Waves: crunchy!
POLITICS
Didn't we just have an election? In fact we did, but we XKIers love our political process. This cycle features contests for Blue Canaria North and New Republica South. With the echoes of the opening bell still clanging in our ears, Grea Kriopia (MSPP) had already declared his candidacy for BCN. She finds herself opposed by a longtime veteran of the XKI scene, Shy Guy , who is running as an Independent. Much to our surprise, newcomer dollystana also spoke publicly about running , but does not appear to qualify.
The race for NRS finds itself with a pair of contestants, Dorab for WIP, and Control for MSPP. All candidates have issued campaign statements, to be found here: 10000islands.proboards.com/board/118/10000-islands-election-board.
Government Officials of 10000 Islands
Last Updated: April 3rd, 2020The Council of Nine
Chief Executive: Markanite
Delegate: Lenlyvit
Minister of Labor: HumanSanity
Minister of Immigration: @thx1138
Minister of Education: The Tasmanian Islands
Senior Senator for Himes West: Marxist Germany
Senator for New Republica South: HN67
Senator for Lyonnesse East: United Royal Islands
Senator for Blue Canaria North: Pelanesomunk
--Deputy Minister of Education:
--Deputy Minister of Immigration: Haivon
--Deputy Senator for Himes West: Central Ruska
--Secretary of State: Grea Kriopia
BUSINESS NEWS
In a nearly unprecedented move, The Regional Reserve has announced its intent to restart the economy. These fine words were backed up with solid tacos as monthly payouts for Shop Items were brought up to date, and Mortimer Reports were issued for April and May. To quote Woonsocket :
A lot of people found themselves with some excess time at home in April. With tons of spare time, an inventor named Joe King and his capable assistant Cody Pendant invented, patented, and started selling on the Shopping Channel a new device that detects diamonds in the ground. As a result, those wise folks who invested in Diamond Mines will receive an extra bonus for April.
In May, our favorite scientist Joe King and his trusty assistant Cody Pendant have done it again! They took an existing shop item, Clear Well Vision, and adapted its scanner with its famed clarity of vision to allow owners to look down into the ocean and spot mineral deposits. Gold, silver, platinum, rare earths - the economic value of these deposits is
staggering! As a result, owners of Clear Well Vision will receive an extra bonus as noted below.
Buy shop items. Buy stock. Make money, so you can buy a rocket and join the space-faring nations of 10000 Islands! The stock market at latest report:
Mortimer Printout - May 2020
Economic Outlook
Sector: 2 - Special Items
Item: Clear Well Vision
Bonus: 2,500 Ŧ
Mitigation: N/A
Adjustment: N/A
Stock Market:
From 01-April-2020 to 30-April-2020
Average Change: +21,445 Ŧ
Percent Change: 34%—Stocks are growing
Average Dividend (Base/Dividend): (325/435)
ROLE PLAY WRAP UP
TMS is happy to announce the addition of a new staff writer, Haivon , who has something to say about the state of RP in XKI. In his own words:
Looks Like 10000 Islands is not only entering in a Golden Era of population, but of Roleplay!
There have been too much events that's even difficult to count! In first of all, Paffnia created the newest RP project, the Islands Space Program, the new technology and RP advancement of all the Region! It's very fun, and I'm sure you will invest a lot over it, like, who doesn't like moon colonies? And if this looks brilliant, there is more! Gaming User (Marxist Germany), the RP minister, did a competition of Trade Pacts, which lead in a competition of people trying to expand their Pacts as much as they can! A lot of Pacts did a lot of impressive works, but the one who became ahead over all was the Liberal Understanding and Agreement on Commerce (LUAC), created by Paffnia and HumanSanity! Congratulations to all competitors for investing their time for the development of the Trade Pacts! Looks like a lot for Roleplay for one month, but believe me, there is more. Thanks to the glorious effort by Dorab, now 10000 Islands have it's official RP region! A Taco Archipelago! You must think, well it's not too much people who would care of a Secondary region, right? Wrong! Everyday, a lot of people fight against each other, form factions and play as... Nations! It may look a RP for quick fun without quality, but trust me, it's very fun. If you are a fan of politics and conflicts or evens science, don't forget to check out this region. To clarify: you can now buy all the Shop Items necessary to join the Space Race, to launch a mission to the Moon to explore or claim a plot of Moon real estate. The initial outlay is considerable, and the payout is minimal compared to the expense, but it may gain you an international reputation that cannot be matched, and incomparable bragging rights. Imagine running into Elon Musk at the club and lording it over the arrogant little punk!
www.nationstates.net/region=a_taco_archipelago is the new region dedicated solely to RolePlay.
BEHIND THE NATION
This month's interview is with TITO XO Aschente.
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
Asch: The grossest thing I've ever had to eat to be polite was a sandwich I had picked from a plate at a volunteer thing labeled turkey. It had neglected to mention that it had like 7 pounds of horseradish on it and I struggled to eat half of it before someone started talking and I was able to ignore it in favor of listening to the person.
Asch: I am from Michigan in the United States
TMS: Who is your favorite musician?
Asch: I don't really have a favorite musician. I listen to a fair amount of electric music though
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
Asch: I never really quit an after school activity. I was fairly active in the av club through high school.
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
Asch: some sort of fruit punch probably. You can't really do carbonated things cause it would go flat and I'm not a fan of cold tea.
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
Asch: my favorite conspiracy theory is easily that earth is flat. If you dig into it there are some insane things they say to attempt to convince others. And I certainly do not believe it.
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write for any TV show which TV show would it be.
Asch: It's a solid tie between Jim Butcher and Rick Riordan. Though I'm not sure I would want them in charge of the shows. Their writing is very detailed and visual adaptations never do justice to stuff like that.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
Asch: Any sort of fish. I hate 99% of it.
TMS: What is your favorite hobby?
Asch: Video games are probably my favorite hobby. Especially now that I've started streaming on twitch a few days a week, it takes up a lot of my time.
TMS: Who is your favorite comic book character?
Asch: If fantasy animals are allowed then a dragon would be my choice, otherwise I would say a wolf.
TMS: What vice could you never give up?
Asch: .probably junk food... I am trying to eat less of it but I would never be able to fully stop lol
TMS: If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
Asch: If fantasy animals are allowed then a dragon would be my choice, otherwise I would say a wolf.
TMS: What will be the title of your autobiography?
Asch: "Why are you reading this biography" or something. I haven't done anything super interesting in life. Not yet at least.
Asch, thank you for the insight into your inner workings.
WA SCENE
By
@thx1138
Ordinarily we would edit out the first sentence of this article, but since THX1138 speaks in glowing terms about our Editor in Chief, he insisted we leave it.
There is a happy coincidence, however. My slackassery will likely cause this month’s edition to drop serendipitously on the annual day of Mothers (in most countries). Good timing for a reminder to do something nice for your Mom and tell her ‘thanks’ if you are able. Moms like that sort of thing.
Speaking of maternal figures, regional matriarch Kuriko is in the spotlight yet again, and again, for good reason. If winning the recent Sec-Gen election made Kuri a household name in NS, then being prominently featured in the recent video by that Drew fellow surely took the show on the road. The stars most certainly aligned for Kuriko in April, and during the unprecedented ingress of new nations to the game, and with new-found celebrity that made XKI the destination region, Kuri was also the focus of a long-overdue SC Commendation that passed with monumental support. And what’s this? 840 endorsements and counting? Now that is one hell of a month!
Oh, there was some other stuff to, here’s a look:
SCR#299 - Condemn This Game As far as April Fools resolutions go, this one seemed a bit tortured. The gag hinged on the title, but once past that, the joke was already over. It got repealed later in the month, but not before we all threw up in our mouths a little bit.
SCR#300 - Commend Kuriko 80% support says it all. The 20% opposition wanted their vote to say more, but it just said more about them than anything.
SC - Condemn Nations Creating Regions for SC Props (did not pass) an attempt at meta humour tied into an already tired joke. Porca miseria.
SCR#301 - Repeal “Commend This Game” Is it over? Please make it be over.
GAR#486 - Prevention Of Forced Sterilisation This one took a while to get dialed in, but persistence paid off, and in the end had huge support. No more cutting this and tying that (figuratively or literally) for those that would play god with their citizens.
SCR#302 - Commend The Holy Principality of Saint Mark The second really nice, well-rounded SC Commend of the month, citing the target’s regional participation and contributions throughout the game. 70% support.
GA - On Marijuana (did not pass) It wasn’t an abysmal resolution, but it did get right up in everyone’s NatSov. The ‘full pardon’ piece of this proposal made the roll a bit too tight for a ‘yes’ vote, so 75% of voters bogarted.
SC - Condemn Deruuu (did not pass) Yeah, the server crashes were a pain for everyone, but were we really going to condemn a nation that brought in this much new blood? Not likely.
GA - Repeal ‘Reproductive Freedoms” (did not pass) Speaking of new blood, I suspect MG thought that with all these thousands of new nations, perhaps there would be a collective change of heart, but the act of attrition was for naught. With 77% opposed, we’re likely to see the main event pass next time it comes up, instead. A for effort, but the writing here is on the wall.
SCR#303 - Commend Destructive Government Economic System Built mainly around NS cards and emphasizing the target’s contribution to that aspect of NS. I have voted in opposition to all these card-related resolutions. It just does not seem to fit into SC for me, given the meta aspects of collecting. I can’t get my head around it, personally, but voters took to it in droves, and the Commendation passed with 87% support.
That’s it for the cruelest month. Enjoy your May, keep your distance, and don’t forget to endorse the Delegate!
FEATURED NATION
Deputy Minister Sargon Reman has appointed the latest Featured Nation. This month's recipient is Constantinolia . In short: The Byzantine Empire of Constantinolia is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Andronikos VI with an iron fist, and notable for its rum-swilling pirates, infamous sell-swords, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 6.515 billion Byzantines are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night. Naturally, that blurb is only a teaser. To get fully acquainted with the talented Mr. C., read this: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38922/10000-islands-featured-nation-constantinolia.
ASK SANDY
Featuring
It’s unusual for Sandy to encounter a request the answer for which she is wholly unqualified to answer. After all, she’s a bit of a know-it-all and considers herself able to provide a solution to nealy any problem. However, this month’s writer left her befuddled and she had to seek help from another source, fortunately, her source works, for lack of a better term, in the adjacent office, so she didn’t have to look far.
Q: I'm new to the Islands, and to surfing. When I paddle out to catch a wave, the locals give me the cold shoulder and even act belligerent towards me. I am getting a complex. I'm just trying to make some friends. What am I doing wrong? -- Single Surfer
SS: I know little about surfing but how to watch it from shore, so I asked our resident surfing legend and author of the bestselling Surfing All Ten Thousand Islands, widely considered to be the Bible of surfers across the globe, Jabberwocky .
J: It's true that local surfers from a tightly knit, rather exclusive bunch who tend to be surly, if not downright bellicose, with new surfers, particularly newbs. My advice is to begin making your initial forays toward the end of The Dawn Patrol, the period known as the Gentlemen's Hour. Departing locals will get accustomed to seeing you in the water, and slowly realize your serious intent. As your surfing skills improve, start showing up a little earlier, catch a gnarly tube or two, act nonchalant when you wipe out badly. As you begin to approach the Dawn Patrol, get in line, and above all, do not nab a local's happening wave. That means trouble. Good luck and happy surfing!
Are you troubled too? Are you one of the many who seek advice for personal or professional problems? Ask Sandy Shoals !
Immigration Report
Our renowned recruiting team has been working a lot of overtime this month, and we have YouTube to blame…or to thank. Evidently, YouTube featured a video touting the charms of NationStates, resulting into an overwhelming influx of new players. XKK has seen 1000 fresh recruits in a week. This is no accident. We have the most diligent team of professional recruiters to be found anywhere in the NS world. This trend has continued into May, and we currently have exceeded 3200 nations! Huzzah!
STREET BEAT
In the course of his investigative inquiries, reporter Sherlock Quixote stumbled inadvertently upon a story which began as a sidebar but resulted in this story instead. Alas, Mr. Q., whatever his other talents can not take credit for this sad story. Rather, this spotlight illuminates a facet of our society of which the vast majority of our citizens remain blissfully unaware. We're talking, of course, about the widespread proliferation of ducks, which have become nearly as ubiquitous as the homeless on our streets, in our city. But one citizen, Throckland , has suggested that ducks deserve our compassion and understanding too.
Trouble in Quackerton: A Duck's Tale
Quack Quack!", said the duck, whose name was actually John Quackson. To the humans feeding him bread on this particularly warm Spring's day, John looked quite content, but he was actually suffering on the inside. Karen, his now former wife, had just divorced him a few days ago and had taken the ducklings with her. Was it because she thought he was eyeing the younger hens? Or was it because everyone knew he peaked in high school? John didn't care, he couldn't change the past.
Even though it had only been 3 days, John was already becoming a breadaholic, eating his worries away. Some of the humans who frequented the park noticed his habit of eating bread for hours until he couldn't eat anymore, but they either didn't care or didn't notice, and basically encouraged John's addiction. The other ducks noticed, and soon there was no duck who dared be near John. After about a week, they didn't even allow him anywhere near the pond. He was too depressed to give a damn.
Coincidentally, John overheard two humans talk about something called a dam.
"...yeah, we need to replace some parts on the generators, they're just too damn old." said the more muscular-looking one. "But won't there be too much water in the reservoir?" asked the other, who looked like he was only made up of skin and bone. "Nah, it'll be a quack, I mean quick fix..."
John didn't care enough to listen to the rest of the human's conversation, because was already flying to where he thought the dam was. He had heard months before that dams were made of concrete, a very strong, very gray material, so he flew to the enormous grey wall in the distance.
Once he got there, a very tired John examined the scenery. The dam, which he was standing on, was indeed very tall (at least to a duck, but probably not compared to actual dams), at around 108 feet. The reservoir ahead of him extended as far as the eye could see. He could even make out several flocks of ducks, who looked like they were having fun, swimming around in the water.
Eager to start his new life as a reservoir duck, John flew over to one of these flocks, hoping to fit in and to be a happy duck once again.
Now that this has seen the light of day, we beseech XKIers to look inside their hearts and show some understanding the next time they encounter a duck.
FLOTSAM AND JETSAM
CE@Markanite has announced th appointment of a new WA Secretariat, Eastern New England . It is worthy of note that Eastern New England has only recently arrived in XKI, in fact only a little over a month ago. For such a newb, this is indeed a prestigious post, and indicates some upward mobility on the part of NEE, to whom we extend our congratulations.
Showing that our Executive Branch is working hard for its salary, Chief Executive Emeritus Woonsocket has announced that Paffnia has accepted the position of Deputy Regional Reserve Chairperson. As TMS has always been an outspoken advocate of Paffnia, who rin recent months has scaled down his activities in XKI. We’re happy to see him leave his footprint in Officialdom again.
EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITES
The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But maybe you would like to try your hand at it, too. Please notify Jabberwocky to apply.
Minister of Labor @hmansanity is looking for motivated writers to compose Welcome Messages for new members. These guides include:
Guide to Houses and Generations.
Guide to 10000 Islands economic system.
Guide to 10000 Islands government (including the Constitution, Council of Nine, Council Lobby, and separation of powers).
Guide to WA membership and activity in 10000 Islands (including endorsing the WA Delegate, voting on WA resolutions on site and on the forum, and WASP).
The pay is 10,000 tacos per guide. For the full job scope and to apply, go here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38633/new-member-guides-needed.
As always, XKI needs Emissaries to help conduct our foreign affairs. Please apply here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37610/emissaries-needed.
You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/35671/subscription-sign-list.
The Mad Surfer is:
Staff Writers: Jabberwocky , @thx1138 , Sandy Shoals , Haivon
Guest Writer Throckland
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky
Associate Editor: Marxist Germany
