The Mad Surfer, August 2020
Aug 10, 2020 14:47:41 GMT -5
Taco Island Charities, Paffnia, and 16 more like this
Post by The Mad Surfer on Aug 10, 2020 14:47:41 GMT -5
THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of the 10000 Islands
August 2020
A newspaper is a mirror reflecting the public, a mirror more or less defective, but still a mirror.
Arthur Brisbane
Weather: sunny
Water temp: perfect!
Waves: nice medium swell
POLITICS
And they're OFF! July’s Senate Elections got off to an exciting start as the contest for Lyonesse East proved to be a three way race. Free Las Pinas (MSPP) jumped off to a quick lead, followed closely by Thedairos (TCP), with Haivon trailing by a substantial margin. At the finish line, it was Thedairos.
The election for Himes West was not without its highlights as well, as Marxist Germany declined the chance to repeat. XKI Deputy Cartographer Wille-Harlia (TCP) commanded the lead from the start, emerging victorious over Krystalveil. WH garnered 67% of the vote. Both candidates were running in their first XKI election, as were Free Las Pinas and The Dairos. Congratulations to Wille-Harlia!
But in a huge electoral surprise, this race for LE ended in a runoff, with none of the candidates garnering 50% of the vote. As a consequence, there was a runoff election. This is unprecedented in XKI history! (We didn't actually do the research to verify that, as the waves were seriously breaking, but it sure sounds sensational doesn't it, and we are, after all, in the sensation business). To make matters even more scintillating, the runoff election finished in a tie, 27 votes apiece. Fortunately, a law is in place to accommodate a tie. The Council of Nine will convene to appoint a victor.
TMS has always been an outspoken advocate of the need, may, the duty to vote, and we are gratified to see 60 voters make it to the polls. Nothing beats an actively engaged populace.
Government Officials of 10000 Islands
Last Updated: August 2020
The Council of Nine
Chief Executive: Markanite
Delegate: Lenlyvit
Minister of Labor: HumanSanity
Minister of Immigration: @thx1138
Minister of Education: The Tasmanian Islands
Senior Senator for Himes West: Wille-Harlia
Senator for New Republica South: Control
Senator for Lyonnesse East: Thedairos
Senator for Blue Canaria North: Grea Kriopia
--Deputy Minister of Immigration: Haivon
--Deputy Senator for Himes West: Central Ruska, Margaux
--Deputy Senator of blue Canaria North: Wischland
SIC BO IS BACK!
As you know, if you read this publication, XKI Casino is back in operation. The Lottery is active, and gamblers are cashing in. And now Sic Bo, everyone's favorite
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PHOTOGRAPHY COMPETITION
Oh, Shoot! Minister of Culture Grea Kriopia has announced the Cultural Offices first photography Competition. “ As many of us spend time on NationStates, it's easy to start to see overlap or little reminders in real life that remind us of the game we all enjoy,” he told TMS. “Therefore, the theme of this photography competition will be 'things that remind you of NationStates'. This is an intentionally broad topic because everyone has different perspectives of NationStates and different experiences in their life!”
The competition turned out to be a smashing success. To see the photos and to find out who was declared wineer, read this: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/39629/photography-competition-public-voting.
BUSINESS NEWS
Talk about rubbing salt in the wound! That noise coming from our Editor's office was the cry of pain as Jabber's wallet took a hit when his salt mines took a turn for the worse. Here's the word coming from the offices of The Regional Reserve: The Surgeon General of 10000 Islands has finally issued the long-awaited results on her 3 year study of the effects of excess salt on the human body. This study was prompted by they way many Islanders use salt, which is to shake many shakes of the salt shaker on all of their food before even tasting it. The study clearly showed a direct line between excess salt use and many health issues, including but not limited to googly eyes, morgellons disease, water allergies, foreign accent syndrome, fish odor malopathy, and skoptic syndrome. On hearing this, salt use plunged to levels unimaginable several months ago. People who owned stock in Salt Mines saw their stock lose an enormous amount of tacos this month.
Mortimer Printout - August 2020
Economic Outlook
Sector: 3 - Regular Economy
Item: Salt Mine
Bonus: -1,500 Ŧ
Mitigation: Inter Island Subway
Adjustment: -50%
Stock Market:
From 01-July-2020 to 31-July-2020
Average Change: -3,105 Ŧ
Percent Change: -7%—Stocks Decline
Average Dividend (Base/Dividend): (305/285)
The stock report in its entirety can be found here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/39742/august-health-scare?page=1&scrollTo=1788086.
XKI Space Program
Lunar real estate is going fast as Islanders are arriving there on a monthly basis. Get on board the Space Shuttle and get your own. To see what the lunar landscape looks like now, check out the Moon Map: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/38862/moon-map?page=1&scrollTo=1787938.
BEHIND THE NATION
Dorab is well known in these parts, especially after making something of a hobby of running for political office. We cornered him between campaigns and applied the pressure with these penetrating questions.
TMS: What country are you from?
Dorab: Nebraska, United States of America
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
I don't find much food gross, so this is a hard one. I think I would have to go with cooked radishes.
TMS: Who is your favorite musician?
Technically a composer, but Stravinsky. TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
String Orchestra because band is better. Band has diversity in insturments.
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
Tomato sause. Just imagine people coming out of the ocean dripping in tomatoes.
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
Maybe that Obama wasn't born in the US. It's just so dumb and random. I obviously don't believe in it.
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write for any TV show which TV show would it be.
Reaching back to my early years here when I say Andrew Clements. His books were simple, but always interesting and thought provoking. As for the TV show, maybe "The Good Place." I do not watch much television though.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
I'm noticing a theme here... Another tough question for me. I've never been particularly fond of provolone cheese, so I guess that.
TMS: What is your favorite hobby?
Either coin collecting or camping. My favorite coin is a 1853 French coin with Napoleon on it and I go camping monthly with my Scouts BSA troop.
TMS: Who is your favorite comic book character?
I never really got into comic books myself.
TMS: What vice could you never give up?
Picking my fingernails. I find it so annoying when they are long, and it gives my something to do when I am bored.
TMS: If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
A peregrine falcon! The thrill of diving through the air would be amazing.
TMS: What will be the title of your autobiography?
The Moments, Thoughts, and Random Facts of [INSERT REAL NAME HERE]
Thank you, Mr. D for stopping to chat with TMS.
A VIEW ABROAD
Beginning in this current issue of TMS, we feature what we hope will become a regular column. Herein, we offer a view of life and politics in other regions, specifically regions with whom we have Embassies. In this, the pilot column, we are gratified to introduce to our readers the Minister of Foreign Affairs of the European Union, Inquista, who has also resurrected EU's Embassy thread on our forums. To wit: The European Taco Act Ends in Catastrophe
The European Commissioner of Foreign Affairs returned to Europolis from his most recent trip to the 10000 Islands. While visiting the Islands, the Commissioner fell in love with their scrumptious tacos, which the Islanders use as their regional currency. The Foreign Affairs Commissioner met with the Premier Commissioner, and discussed the possibility of replacing Euros with deliciously edible tacos as a new and better form of currency. The Premier Commissioner was intrigued by the proposal and organized a meeting between the Foreign Affairs Commissioner and the Director of the European Central Bank. After some deliberation, ECB Director was happily convinced that replacing Euros with tasty tacos was a good idea. The Foreign Affairs Commissioner wrote a legislative motion on the matter and proposed it to the European Council.
The proposal was met with a passionate response. The Councillor from Icholasen was greatly hesitant. Icholasen is a country where nearly the entire population is violently lactose intolerant, and where dairy is classified as a controlled substance. After some debate, the Councillor from Icholasen proposed an amendment that would ban the tacos from containing any cheese or sour cream, and the amendment was subsequently passed. The Councillor from Inquista then expressed concern about the ecological impact of producing meat to put on all the tacos, and proposed an amendment that would make it mandatory that all tacos could only contain tofu. The Councillor from the Duxburian Union was very opposed to this, as Duxburians are typically required to eat at least 120g of protein every day as part of their diets. The Duxburian Councillors was out-voted on the matter, and the amendment was passed.
A debate then broke out between the Councillors of Angleter and Vayinaod, with the former of which arguing that the tacos should be heavily spiced, and the latter of which demanded that the tacos not be spiced at all. After the debate, the Council voted to heavily spice the tacos. The Councillor from Spain then proposed an amendment that required all tacos to have soft shells, rather than hard shells, which was then passed. The Councillor from Pravoslaviya was in disbelief of the whole proposal, and demanded to know why the EU was adopting an idea from the 10000 Islands, and then demanded that the Islands all be counted as to verify the claim that there were 10000 of them. The Council Speaker censured the Pravoslaviyan Councillor, and in the end, the whole Taco Act was passed.
The European Central Bank was converted into a massive kitchen, and the former ECB Director was replaced by the Head Chef of the Leagioan Eurocook competition. The new taco currency proved to be a disaster (and likely violation the EU’s Biological Weapons Act). The combination of the heavy spices, tofu and soft taco shell would almost always result in terrible food poisoning. Moreover, the tacos became an incognito smuggling conduit for the recently discovered ievonuia drug from Eastern Haane, which produces powerfully vivid hallucination. As food poisoning and vivid hallucinations created mayhem across Europe, the European Council quickly moved to repeal the Taco Act and motioned to impeach the Foreign Affairs Commissioner, who was last seen fleeing Europe on a flight to Blue Canaria North.
TMS is hoping our other emissaries will be inspired to persuade their regions to offer some cultural insight in these pages.
WA SCENE
By
@thx1138
Congratulation to Delegate Kuriko, who earned in July yet another SC feather for a cap that is already so dense with them, it's at risk of taking independent flight. There's a secret to all this success, I'm sure, and some part of it must involve the ability to create some manner of temporal vortex inside which one has time to write these things. Such a spacetime eludes me, but Kuri seems to have found a way to do it while raising barns and working full time and catching the occasional fish, so I doff my own (featherless) cap.
Also in the list of July authors is Marxist Germany, with an equally well-structured commendation that didn't quite get the love. Commendations are tricky things to write, and people's reasons for supporting them at vote time are often subjective. It can all be a bit inside / clubby sometimes. There are frequently political motivations behind a lack of support. Occasionally, someone said or did something in past that forever relegated them to the 'uncommendable' category. It's a mysterious, sliding standard that is as varied as people themselves.
Personally, I have a couple hard and fast rules about commendations that determine whether I support them or not, and I do my best to make it about a fair assessment of the target's contributions to the game or the community. That said, everyone's formula is a bit different. Some get passed over, and I'm not sure why, others get support and I'm left scratching my head. It's always a good idea to set your own bar, give the resolutions a good read, and make your own decisions. There are regions out there voting in blocs, and doing so early, to capture what they call 'the lemming effect' – the tendency of later voters to simply cast their ballots in a manner that a seeming majority already have. Just because a resolution gets a lot of initial support, doesn't necessarily mean it's worthy of it.
GAR#497 "Repeal: 'Military Identification Tag Act'”: The target passed just a couple months ago, and seemed to most to be a good idea. The repeal highlighted some potential flaws in the plan that could leave combatants open to unique forms of torture based on information provided on the ID tags. We’ll call this one 'lessons from Abu Ghraib'. The repeal passed with 80% support and the target is no more.
GAR#498 "Ban on Forced Blood Sports": A much tighter margin of support for this resolution, seeking to eliminate forced animal fighting like dogfights and cockfighting, and prohibiting forced gladiator-style fights to the death among sapient beings. For some reason, slaughtering an animal in the name of an imaginary deity got an exemption, which was enough reason for me to call BS on the whole thing. It still managed to pass by a sliver with 54% support.
GAR#499 "Access to Abortion": Despite a couple of attempts by minority players to undermine the WA approval process, this one eventually made queue. Gone are the heady days of Nation States where such a resolution would have inspired a tooth and nail battle to the last vote. Abortion must be available throughout the multiverse, and this new legislation will prevent those who maintain an ideological opposition from spitefully building their clinics on mountain tops. 71% support here, and that would probably have been higher if someone could convince IA to just use plain language occasionally. The support exists in the community, no need for the constant bafflegab.
SC "Condemn ravana" (did not pass): This lover's quarrel did not capture the enthusiasm of the wider community, and the general voter message was 'take it up with your marriage counselor'. 90% opposed.
GA "Peaceful First Contact" (did not pass): If memory serves, there was another attempt at something like this about 2 years ago. That one wasn't great but this one really failed to bridge the gap between a nice, albeit naïve idea, and the realities of how groups of people come together in no man's land. It got a rough ride with 75% of voters and went back from whence it came.
SC "Commend Christian Democrats" (did not pass): MG's most recent opus got hamstrung early by his inability to campaign for it. The target is a prolific author in the WA, has provided issues to challenge the community, has maintained leadership positions in a variety of regions…slam dunk, right? Well, no. A big early stomp set the tone, and this resolution never recovered. 84% of voters suggested that you can either be a contributor to the community, or a Christian, but probably not both.
GAR#500 "International Criminal Protocol": Designed to make clear that the abuse, isolation, and mistreatment of the incarcerated is no longer permitted. Most of the problem 'against' voters had with this (apart from the usual NatSov complaints) was in the ways it defined such abuses. For me, that hesitancy to support came around forced labour. I don't really see a problem with prisoners being made to lend their labour as part of their repayment of social debt, and not all jurisdictions practice the sort of corporate exploitation of prisoners that is common in some places. Prisons themselves are run by inmates in terms of day-to-day operations (like the cooking and provision of food, laundry, etc) and that's okay by me. It's not a paying job, it's punishment. The voting was close until day 3, when a 61% majority gave it ascent. I was not among them, despite agreeing with a lot of the other measures outlined. This one could see a repeal.
SC "Condemn Mikeswill" (did not pass): This was one of those condemnations that was really a commendation sort of deals, but really, no one cared either way. 69% of voters have apparently been ripped off by Mike in the card market, and karma's a b*tch.
GAR#501 "Wartime Journalism Protection Act": Great in theory, impossible to enforce in practice. This will serve as a polite suggestion about what shouldn't be done to journalists in warzones, and what sort of access they should be given, but it assumes that the combatants are going to play nice, which they never do. 64% support and a good potential for repeal once exposed to the cold light of day.
SCR#315 "Commend Vippertooth33": The first successful SC resolution of the month emphasized the target's ongoing fight against online Nazi types. I frequently have trouble differentiating between fervent ideologues on the right and fervent ideologues on the left, and don't tend to buy into the 'arsonists-for-progress' veneer, so it was a 'meh' from me. Regardless, 80% of voters gave it the nod.
GA "International Transportation Preclearance Act" (did not pass): I don't use the term 'dumb as hell' very often here, but now I have. 71% against.
SCR#316 "Commend Frieden-und Freudenland": Author, community involved, friend of the Forest. Easy pass with 84% support, and Kuriko has a couple more of these easy-to-love commendations in the pipe.
GAR#502 "Repeal 'Freedom to Seek Medical Care II'": Honeydewistania's third of the month, and second win. The repeal identified a loophole in the target, and 86% believed strongly enough in the flaw to support the target's undoing.
Until next month, I'll pluck the feathers and have them at the ready. Keep your eyes on the skies.
ROOKIE OF THE QUARTER
Jst as we were going to press, we received an alert from our InterIslands News Bureau. The Senator of Himes West, Marxist Germany, has named the RoQ for this, the third quarter of 2020. Therecipient of ard had to rush to this ceremony directly after receiving his Featured Nation Award, the very same Wille-Harlia! Evidently not one to rest on his laurels, Mr. WH was short of breath as he humbly accepted his awar
ASK SANDY
Featuring
Dear Sandy, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, he's now 32. He's a great guy but for one thing: a disturbing tendency to spend the night at his mother's house. She only lives 15 miles away, so we tend to see her frequently as it is. One evening while I was visiting my sister, he left our two young children alone in the house while he went to his mother's. Why? It was her birthday! To me, that's not a good enough reason to leave the kids alone overnight, even though he returned before they got up. He's very sensitive about the subject and doesn't want to discuss it. I'm on the verge of carrying the argument straight to her and tell her to quit interfering. Any advice? Hot Under the Collar
Dear Hot, this raises a couple of questions. I understand there is a clinical term for this condition: Mama’s Boy, sometimes known as Peter Pan Syndrome. He's 32? You have multiple kids without tying the knot? (I'm traditional that way) If he's endangering your children, it's just too bloody bad that he doesn't want to talk about it. I recommend marriage counseling...with a baseball bat! Mom is clearly manipulating junior, and it's time for you to gain the upper hand. Your inclination to go to the source is well founded, but gird your loins for battle, it's gonna get bloody. If he's not willing to side with his wife, it may also be time to consider other options.
FLOTSAM AND JETSAM
Our RMB roleplay region, known as A Taco Archipelago, is currently conducting a Flag Design Competition. The winner stands to gain 100,000 T. Designs must be submitted by August 7. For more details, read this: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/39647/flag-contest-taco-archipelago.
For Card Players in the region, we have a new Cards Co-op, a cooperative framework for developing regional card culture and sharing card resources. To get the pertinent information on this critical development, read this: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/39633/welcome-cards-op.
EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITES
The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But maybe you would like to try your hand at it, too. And now WE CAN PAY YOU! Yes, we actually now have a payroll department! Pay commensurate with talent and ability to ingratiate oneself with Editor. Stringent job examination includes placing a mirror in front of your mouth to see if it fogs up. Please notify Jabberwocky or The Mad Surfer to apply.
Chief Executive Markanite is seeking RMB Regional Officers for our new RMB Role Playing region A Taco Archipelago following the resignation of Gaming User (Marxist Germany) and HumanSanity. For full job specs, read this: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/39630/seeking-new-rmb-regional-officers.
As always, XKI needs Emissaries to help conduct our foreign affairs. Please apply here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/37610/emissaries-needed.
These job opening and more can be found publicly posted here: 10000islands.proboards.com/board/71/10000-islands-job-opportunities.
You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/35671/subscription-sign-list.
The Mad Surfer is:
Staff Writers: Jabberwocky, @thx1138, Sandy Shoals, Sherlock Quixote
Foreign Correspondent: Inquista (European Union)
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky
Associate Editor: Marxist Germany
Although it hadn't concluded when the issue came out