The Mad Surfer, December 2020
Dec 8, 2020 16:16:12 GMT -5
Taco Island Charities, Paffnia, and 8 more like this
Post by The Mad Surfer on Dec 8, 2020 16:16:12 GMT -5
THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of the 10000 Islands
December 2020
Reading someone else's newspaper is like sleeping with someone else's wife.
Nothing seems to be precisely in the right place, and when you find
what you are looking for, it is not clear then how to respond to it.
Malcolm Bradbury
Weather: sunny
Water temp: perfect!
Waves: nice medium swell
HAPPY HOLIDAYS
POLITICS
The month in between elections is often quiet as our dedicated public servants keep their noses to the grindstone of public service. But the Capital Building on Taco Island is abuzz this December. Our beloved Chef Executive Markanite has announced the first 10000 Islands Review, giving citizens a chance to offer their opinions on many weighty matters, such as What Should the Delegate do? What would yo like to see the WAS do? How to develop Taco Island? What would you like to see the Chief Executive do more of? This is your big chance to complain to our government officials the way you claim to want to do when you're down at the pub with the boys. The way you kvetch to your BFFs. People, this is better than a census, because you get to speak. Let them, and us, know how you feel, what you think, here:10000islands.proboards.com/board/260/10000-islands-review. The review runs throughout the month of December.
The departure of THX1138 resulted in an opening for the Minister of Immigration. We welcome the newly appointed Thedairos as MoI.
Government Officials of 10000 Islands
Last Updated: November 2020
The Council of Nine
Chief Executive: Markanite
Delegate: HumanSanity
Minister of Labor: Free Las Pinas
Minister of Immigration: Thedairos
Minister of Education: Grea Kriopia
Senior Senator for Himes West: Wille-Harlia
Senator for New Republica South: Control
Senator for Lyonnesse East: Thedairos
Senator for Blue Canaria North: Wischland -- Deputy Minister of Education: Kohnhead
--Deputy Senator for Himes West: Central Ruska , Margaux
Other public officials can be found here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/5756/government-officials-10000-islands?page=5&scrollTo=1798831.
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BUSINESS NEWS
Those who fail to understand the interrelated aspect of virtually everything will never comprehend the intricacies and complexity of the stock market. Events that occurred months ago, such as an earthquake, may yet have rippling effects that are felt today. Fortunately, we have The Regional Reserve to give us a primer in causality:
Last month, there was a huge uptick in shipbuilding (click here) due to October's underwater volcano and resulting tsunami (click here). Well, as one might expect, if you build a lot of ships, you've gotta use them for trade in order to recover the cost of their construction. As a result, those with the shop item Container Shipping realize a 250 taco bonus for each of those ships.
Mortimer Printout - December 2020
Economic Outlook
Sector: 3 - Regular Economy
Item: Container Shipping
Bonus: 250 Ŧ
Mitigation: N/A
Adjustment: N/A
Stock Market:
From 01-November-2020 to 30-November-2020
Average Change: -87 Ŧ
Percent Change: 0%—Stocks Decline
Average Dividend (Base/Dividend): (305/305)
Performance of individual stocks can be found here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40476/decembers-ship-traffic-increases?page=1&scrollTo=1801508.
BEHIND THE NATION
This month's guest was recently elected to serve as Senator of Lyonesse East, Thedairos , who doubles as the new Minister of Immigration. TMS: What country are you from?
- I'm from Germany.
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
- When I was in France, I once had some mash made of corn or grain and it tasted awful, but I still had to eat it because it was the main dish and I was hungry.
TMS: Who is your favorite musician?
- I don't have a favorite musician. I mostly listen to rock and metal music, especially bands like System Of A Down, Sabaton, Linkin Park and Skillet.
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
- I used to play handball for a long time, but I eventually quit because it became boring and I wanted to try something new.
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
- I would probably pick ice tea.
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
- There is a conspiracy theory in Germany that the town of Bielefeld actually doesn't exist. It is more of a joke, but it has even gone so far that the mayor offered a prize to the person who could prove that Bielefeld in fact doesn't exist.
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write for any TV show which TV show would it be.
- My favorite author is Markus Heitz, a German Fantasy-, Horror- and SciFi- author who often includes actual historical happenings in his stories. I don't really watch TV a lot, so I don't have any preferences there.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
- I don't think it's necessary to ban food when you can just decide not to eat it, but if I had to choose one, I would say olives.
TMS: What is your favorite hobby?
- I really like Kendo. It is something I got into only recently and I haven't had the chance to try it out myself yet, but I'm already looking forward to when the COVID-19 pandemic is over and the dojo will be open again.Apart from that, I regularly ride my bike, read books and play video games.
TMS: Who is your favorite comic book character?
- I never really read comic books.
TMS: What vice could you never give up?
- Cheesecake
TMS: If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
- I would like to be a duck, then I could move on water, the ground and in the air and people would feed me bread in parks.
TMS: What will be the title of your autobiography?
-'There is nothing to read here'
TMS is asking its readers to donate their used comic books to the Senator in order to overcome what is clearly a cultural deficiency.
WA SCENE
by
THX1138
It is with a heavy heart that we publish today the last of the popular articles covering the World Assembly. Our close friend and comrade in arms, THX1138, has made the decision to leave the 10000 Islands. His peculiar and highly idiosyncratic perspective on WA affairs will be sorely missed. Here is his final column.
This will be my last installation of WA Scene, and I wish to extend my gratitude to The Mad Surfer for the opportunity to contribute to this underappreciated regional gem. Thanks as well to the editorial staff for indulging me in my various riffs, rants, and repartee over the last year.
This week's entry will be a bit pedestrian, as I'm in something of a somber place, but I would like to thank all who took the time to read my monthly ramblings, and hope they have been enjoyable.
Finally, an appeal to support your regional newspaper. The Mad Surfer takes time and effort to create each month, but without readers, it will simply cease to be.
For November then, and one last spin around the sun…
GAR#520 "Landfill Regulation Act": Mainly dealing with landfill management, regulations around their placement, and operating standards to minimize environmental impact to adjacent areas and the water table. Well constructed, and passed with 79% support, but destined for a quick repeal down the list.
SCR#329 "Commend Moreover": Well known WA author and bon vivant, Moreover, was acknowledged for their work in both the SC and GA, and regional contributions in TNP and TRR. 84% voted for.
GAR#521 "Repeal 'GMO International Trade Accord'": A few flaws in the original were highlight in the repeal, including some vague language around language and some vulnerable definitions. 80% agreed that the target should be repealed.
SCR#330 "Repeal 'Commend Wintony'": This repeal cited some limitations in the target's contributions, which were mainly regional in nature, and offset to some degree by some controversial behaviour. 83% of voters supported repeal.
GAR#522 "Protecting Sites of Religious Significance": With many instances of religious sites being subject to desecration and destruction from other sects, this proposal seeks to protect them and passed with 65% support.
SCR#331 "Commend Sierra Lyricalia": Another heavy-weight in the community, ongoing Gen-Sec, and contributor to the forging of dozens of resolutions through that role. An overdue commendation that passed with 90% of the vote.
GAR#523 "Patient Travel Freedoms": A framework for the provision of and allowable restrictions on medical care to those seeking it across international boundaries. 81% support.
SC "Commend Ariusgrad" (did not pass): Written under nom de plume by an author you just might know; this one met some resistance from voters. A lesser known target, and perhaps a scope of accomplishment that didn't range widely enough to wow led to 68% opposition
GAR#524 "Repeal 'Supporting and Valuing the Humanities'": If at first you don't succeed in repealing a resolution, making the next attempt 25% more condescending seems to do the trick. 85% for.
SC "Commend Twobagger" (did not pass): Contentious, a bit of a political football, and with some glaring omissions and inaccuracies, this one failed to pass with 53% against.
GAR#525 "Repeal 'Landfill Regulation Act'": The aforementioned repeal, which wasn't all that strong, but environmental legislation tends to meet the same objections time after time. Those who feel this sort of resolution overreaches and interferes with the conduct of business find a way to bring them down, and 62% of voters did just that.
SCR#332 "Commend Kenmoria": Prolific WA author Kenmoria was celebrated for their many resolutions written and co-written, as well as their ongoing contributions through the WA forums. 81% support.
GAR#526 "Land Reclamation Regulation": As defined by this legislation, reclamation represents the manufacture of land areas in existing marine areas and provides regulation around the practice to protect marine ecosystems. Passed with 77% of the vote.
SCR#333 "Condemn The Free Joy State": A really nicely written IC Condemnation, citing Issue authorship and nefarious national character simultaneously. 70% support
So long, and thanks for all the fish.
As the door closes on Mr.T, yet another door has opened. Next month we feature a new columnist to cover the WA.Stay tuned!
ASK SANDY
featuring
@sandyshoals
Dear Sandy:
I've been married for five years. When we got married, our sex life was...invigorating. I am a petite 5' 1"` slender and vivacious. I've recently learned that my husband has a penchant...well, a fetish, really...for big women. I mean LARGE. He looks at photos online, reads articles about huge ladies, all while sitting next to me on the sofa. He has actually asked me to GAIN weight, which, as you know, is anathema to most women. I resist due to not wanting to develop the health complications that accompany obesity. In the meantime, our sex life has taken a decided downturn because he wants...more. I've insisted on counseling, but he refuses. What should I do? -- Itty Bitty Problem
Dear Itty Bitty: At least your husband isn't hung up on the anorexic models littering our catwalks. Still, if he won't seek help with you, and fails to appreciate your diminutive charms, you might consult someone yourself. Make it clear to your husband that you do not intend to risk your health to get chubby for him. Stand your ground…skinny legs and all.
Are you having problems with your love life? You don't know how to handle a business associate? Nosy neighbor getting on your nerves? Everyone needs advice sometimes. Fortunately, we have Sandy Shoals to help you straighten things out. Ask Sandy!
JOURNALISM
While TMS prides itself as being among the vanguard of Regional newspapers, we recognize both that we are not alone in the world of journalistic publications, and that there is a far larger world that we do little to cover. Fortunately, there are those who do operate in arenas to which we do not attend. One of that ilk is [nation]La Xinga[/nation], who seems to pick up a large portion of our slack. We urge our readers to stay abreast of NS affairs by reading this sterling global newspaper, The Nationstates News. The November issue is here: www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=1467702.
FEATURED NATION
Our Deputy Minister of Education, Kohnhead , has appointed the newest 10000 Islands Featured Nation, Astrobolt , www.nationstates.net/nation=astrobolt.
The Council of Astrobolt is a massive, socially progressive nation, ruled by Chairperson Flame with a fair hand, and notable for its museums and concert halls, smutty television, and national health service. The compassionate, democratic population of 2.806 billion Astros hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.
The large, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Galactus. The average income tax rate is 87.5%, and even higher for the wealthy.
Naturally, there's more to it than that, and you can find it here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40379/10000-islands-featured-nation-astrobolt?page=1&scrollTo=1800170.
EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES
The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But maybe you would like to try your hand at it, too. And now WE CAN PAY YOU! Yes, we actually now have a payroll department! Pay commensurate with talent and ability to ingratiate oneself with Editor. Stringent job examination includes placing a mirror in front of your mouth to see if it fogs up. Please notify Jabberwocky or The Mad Surfer to apply.
Ministry of Labor is seeking an artist to render six Knight statues. For details, read this: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40289/sextuple-knight-statue-designs-needed.
There is currently an opening for Emissary to Europe. Apply here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40514/hiring-emissary-europe.
You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/35671/subscription-sign-list.
The Mad Surfer is:
Staff Writers: Jabberwocky , THX1138, Sandy Shoals
Associate Editor: Grea Kriopia
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky
