The Mad Surfer, February 2021 Feb 9, 2021 12:36:03 GMT -5 Taco Island Charities, HumanSanity, and 9 more like this
Post by The Mad Surfer on Feb 9, 2021 12:36:03 GMT -5
THE MAD SURFER
The Official Newspaper of the 10000 Islands
Newspapers have roughly the same relationship to life as fortune-tellers to metaphysics.
Water temp: perfect!
Waves: sharp break
With incumbent Control sitting this one out, the seat for New Republica South was open, and three candidates answered the call. But it was @dokansia who jumped out to a commanding early lead, one that was never relinquished. All murphtannia and Solarampa could do was watch Dokansia's victory lap and lick their respective wounds. Nevertheless, all candidates are to be congratulated on conducting above board campaigns.
The election for Blue Canaria North was a ho hum affair. Incumbent Wischland ran unopposed and held a modest celebration in her austere office, thereby saving the taxpayers a load of tacos, in keeping with her public spirited philosophy.
Government Officials of 10000 Islands
Last Updated: January 2021
The Council of Nine
Chief Executive: Markanite
Minister of Labor: Free Las Pinas
Minister of Immigration: Thedairos
Minister of Education: Grea Kriopia
Senior Senator for Himes West: Wille-Harlia
Senator for New Republica South: @dokansia
Senator for Lyonnesse East: Thedairos
Senator for Blue Canaria North: Wischland
-- Deputy Minister of Education: Kohnhead
--Deputy Senator for Himes West: Central Ruska , Margaux
Other public officials can be found here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/5756/government-officials-10000-islands?page=5&scrollTo=1798831.
Your Council of Nine have been earning their tacos by ratifying the Charter of the Partnership for Sovereignty. We'll let our Delegate explain it:
By unanimous decision of the Council of Nine, 10000 Islands has ratified the Charter of the Partnership for Sovereignty. The Partnership for Sovereignty is a joint defender Security Council voting and coordination bloc formed with our allies in The Rejected Realms and the South Pacific. The provisions of the Charter create a platform for advance coordination between the member regions on Security Council votes which implicate defender values, sharing resources to advocate for and "whip" votes on resolutions, and sharing of resources for drafting proposals. While the Charter begins with these three regions, it is deliberately left open for future expansion to other defender-aligned regions.
There's more to it of course, and we encourage you to learn the details here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40811/introducing-partnership-sovereignty.
It's time to rediscover the XKI Casino and a whole new level of entertainment! Come and experience all that's new at the XKI Casino. It's a whole new game!
You're gonna need a bigger wallet...
Mother Nature plays an active roll in the commercial world, it seems. @regionalreseve3 Chairman Woonsocket explains this mystery to us.
Due to a change in the solar cycle the seas around the Islands lost their ice cover early this year. As happens on land, those weary of all the ice came out to play and found things finally settled down after the recent events (specifically the tsunami). Optimism reigns as things warm up and spring is in sight! Due to this, those with the Fish Communication shop item earned a 2,500 taco bonus per item this month!
Mortimer Report: February 2021
Monthly Economic Effects
Sector: Special Items
Item: Fish Communication
Bonus: 2,500 Ŧ
Item that Mitigates Losses: N/A
Month: from January 1, 2021 to January 31, 2021
Average Change in Stock Price: +2,331 Ŧ (+5.8%)—stocks prices are growing
Average Dividend: 305 Ŧ
Individual stock performances can be found here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40887/february-thaw.
BEHIND THE NATION
Graciously granting us an interview this month was Eastern New England . Eastern New England has been part of the Islands since March last year and they are currently serving as the WA Secretary as well as the FA Secretary. Additionally, they are a TITO Knight and can be seen chatting on the regional Discord.
TMS: What country are you from?
ENE -I have lived my whole life in Denmark, but I am actually half-German and half-American.
TMS: What’s the grossest food you ever had to eat to be polite?
ENE - I'm not a picky eater, but I'm also not a big fan of olives. So yeah, the grossest food I've eaten to be polite is probably olives.
TMS: Who is your favorite musician?
ENE - I don't necessarily have a favorite, but I like listening to the band the Cranberries. I tend to listen to music from all different kind of genres, though.
TMS: What afterschool activity did you quit as a kid, and why?
ENE- When I was younger I quit soccer practice, after my best friend quit soccer. I wasn't good at it and I had only started playing because of him.
TMS: If you could turn the ocean into a liquid other than water, which one would you pick?
ENE- I have never thought about this before. I guess I'd choose milk, since I like milk. I don't think I'd bathe in it to be honest.
TMS: What is your favorite conspiracy theory? And do you believe in it?
ENE- My favourite conspiracy theory is probably the one about the birds working for the bourgeoisie and that all birds are automated robots, working for the government and spying on us since Ronald Reagan's presidency (in the U.S. at least). It's too crazy for me to believe in it.
TMS: Do you have a favorite author? If you could make them write for any TV show which TV show would it be.
ENE- I don't have a favourite author, but if I wanted to make an author write for a TV-show it should probably be Christopher Paolini, the author of "the Inheritance Cycle", writing for F.R.I.E.N.D.S., since I'd like to see a fantasy-comedy crossover.
TMS: If you could ban 1 food from the face of the planet what would you ban?
ENE- I'd probably ban nuts. I'm not a huge fan of nuts either, and many people have serious allergies to them, so it'd be helpful for the greater good.
TMS: What is your favorite hobby?
ENE- My favourite hobby is probably playing the flute. I've been doing it for almost 8 years now.
TMS: Who is your favorite comic book character?
ENE- I haven't read comic book in a while, but looking back, it'd probably have to be Donald Duck. I used to always read about him when I was younger.
TMS: What vice could you never give up?
ENE- I have a sweet tooth and I eat sweet stuff and candy almost everyday, even though I know it's unhealthy. I also can't stop eating mints for some reason.
TMS: If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
ENE- I'd probably have to be a tortoise. I love tortoises, and it'd be cool to become my favorite animal.
TMS: What will be the title of your autobiography?
ENE- I've always had a hard time coming up with titles. Perhaps "a Guide to Life" or something like that
The hallowed halls of the World Assembly were echo-y this month. While this made walking about in heels an absolute blast, I couldn’t help but wonder where everyone had gone to leave things so empty. Proposals trickled into voting every now and again, but both the SC and GA stood silent for extended periods of time. Curious about what the holdup was, and feeling a bit lonely, I took a stroll to the authors’ room to get an update on proposal drafting.
The closer I got to the authors’ room though, the louder things became. I could hear stridently yelled debate points from down the hall and it seemed like every person I passed was an infuriated ambassador storming out of the WA building. Needless to say, I sensed a juicy story and got ready to see some action. Sure enough, almost every one of January’s eight proposals was a huge dramafest, with some incredibly aggressive, personal, and even toxic arguments. Now let it be know that TMS in no way supports toxic behavior of any kind. But you better believe we’ll report on it! So, here’s a look at all of the spicy action in the WA this January:
GA “Regulating Remote Election Administration” (Did not pass): What a way to start of the month! This was a tricky proposal, that toes the line of breaking the GA’s “no ideological bans” rule with its regulation on early, expat, electronic, and mail-in voting. Author Cretox State sidestepped the rule by being careful to never mandate member nations have elections in their proposal. Unfortunately, this opened up a whole new can of worms, as this meant the proposal solely affected democratic nations. Fun little fact about the WA is that it has plenty of authoritarian members. Authoritarian nations didn’t particularly care for this election-related proposal. Democracies weren’t a fan of a proposal about them being voted on by both democratic and authoritarian nations. Combined with questions about the necessity of dictating election specifics, this proposal flopped during voting, with 89% Against.
SCR#339 “Repeal: ‘Commend The Western Isles’”: With the original resolution less than a month old, author Bormiar sped this repeal through the drafting phase. The repeal focused on the many flaws of the unpopular original commendation, rather than any flaws with The Western Isles itself. There was some weirdly aggressive forum debate over whether TWI deserved a commend and if repeals could be based on writing quality alone, but that didn’t carry over to voting, where the repeal passed with an easy 74% support.
SCR#340 “Commend Singapore No2”: A well-deserved commend for one of NS’s most accomplished issue writers, author Honeydewistania (under the puppet The Crazy Casbah Sound) had few problems with this resolution. After a more narrative-focused rewrite and a little wordsmithing, the resolution garnered plenty of positive reviews and passed with 79% support.
SC “Commend Northrop-Grummen” (Did not pass): Another resolution that faced problems with the WA’s rules, with a long back and forth over whether Northrop-Grummen’s creation of the NS Dark Theme could be included. In the end, author Makdon took out direct references, which unfortunately left the bulk of the commendation reliant on less noteworthy material. Without much of a leg to stand on, some funky voting patterns by major delegate pushed the proposal over the end, and it failed with 53% Against.
GA#533 “Repeal: ‘International Criminal Protocol’”: I was beginning to think that the failure of the month’s first GA proposal scared off all the GA authors, when Greater Cesnica’s repeal was brought to vote. This repeal emphasized the immorality of the original resolution’s allowance of the death penalty. I won’t disclose my own feelings on the death penalty, because it is a… touchy subject in the GA, if you catch my drift. Sure enough, the debate surrounding this repeal brought out the good, the bad, and the ugly in member nations, with numerous nations raving against a death penalty ban. Others claimed existing WA resolutions defacto banned the death penalty already, making the repeal unnecessary and starting a whole new line of debate. Regardless, the repeal was well written and a slick TG campaign was enough to convince much of the already liberal WA populace to vote for and pass the repeal with 76% support.
GA#534 “Fair Treatment of Prisoners”: Greater Cesnica followed up their repeal with this replacement proposal, which sought to protect prisoners from abuse and unfair treatment without the loopholes of previous proposals. As a highly anticipated and appreciated replacement, this proposal was something of a shoe-in, garnering favorable reviews during debate and passing with 84% support.
GA#535 “Death Penalty Ban”: The third in January’s quartet of prisoner’s rights proposals, and by far the most controversial, author Imperium Anglorum certainly had their hands full with this one. Short and simple, this proposal banned the death penalty for all crimes except those committed during a time of war under the military penal code. Nation after nation weighed in, seemingly coming out of the woodworks to passionately voice their support or opposition to the proposal, and throw in a dash of National Sovereignty arguments. The back-and-forth continued throughout the voting period, but the proposal managed to garner 67% support. Cue the flurry of mixed-quality repeal attempts.
GA “Protecting Sapient Life” (Did not pass): Ready for round four? The last in this month’s series of civil rights proposals, author Tinhampton looked to close off the exception for military tribunals in “Death Penalty Ban” by abolishing the death penalty in any and all cases. Everyone polished up their arguments from previous debates on the merits of the death penalty and jumped right back into the fray. However, complete abolishment of the death penalty proved to be too much for the wider WA (or perhaps they were just tired of the procession of proposals on the topic) and the resolution was defeated with a little under 55% Against.
TMS strives to offer a glimpse into the internal workings of other regions in an effort to remain culturally aware. Jabberwocky serves as Emissary to European Union, whose Commissioner of Internal Affairs, Inquista , has been kind enough to give us a glimpse into EU's inner doings. Please note that tacos are international. This concerns all of us.
The European Taco Act Ends in Catastrophe
The European Commissioner of Foreign Affairs returned to Europolis from his most recent trip to the 10000 Islands. While visiting the Islands, the Commissioner fell in love with their scrumptious tacos, which the Islanders use as their regional currency. The Foreign Affairs Commissioner met with the Premier Commissioner, and discussed the possibility of replacing Euros with deliciously edible tacos as a new and better form of currency. The Premier Commissioner was intrigued by the proposal and organized a meeting between the Foreign Affairs Commissioner and the Director of the European Central Bank. After some deliberation, ECB Director was happily convinced that replacing Euros with tasty tacos was a good idea. The Foreign Affairs Commissioner wrote a legislative motion on the matter and proposed it to the European Council.
The proposal was met with a passionate response. The Councillor from Icholasen was greatly hesitant. Icholasen is a country where nearly the entire population is violently lactose intolerant, and where dairy is classified as a controlled substance. After some debate, the Councillor from Icholasen proposed an amendment that would ban the tacos from containing any cheese or sour cream, and the amendment was subsequently passed. The Councillor from Inquista then expressed concern about the ecological impact of producing meat to put on all the tacos, and proposed an amendment that would make it mandatory that all tacos could only contain tofu. The Councillor from the Duxburian Union was very opposed to this, as Duxburians are typically required to eat at least 120g of protein every day as part of their diets. The Duxburian Councillors was out-voted on the matter, and the amendment was passed.
A debate then broke out between the Councillors of Angleter and Vayinaod, with the former of which arguing that the tacos should be heavily spiced, and the latter of which demanded that the tacos not be spiced at all. After the debate, the Council voted to heavily spice the tacos. The Councillor from Spain then proposed an amendment that required all tacos to have soft shells, rather than hard shells, which was then passed. The Councillor from Pravoslaviya was in disbelief of the whole proposal, and demanded to know why the EU was adopting an idea from the 10000 Islands, and then demanded that the Islands all be counted as to verify the claim that there were 10000 of them. The Council Speaker censured the Pravoslaviyan Councillor, and in the end, the whole Taco Act was passed.
The European Central Bank was converted into a massive kitchen, and the former ECB Director was replaced by the Head Chef of the Leagioan Eurocook competition. The new taco currency proved to be a disaster (and likely violation the EU’s Biological Weapons Act). The combination of the heavy spices, tofu and soft taco shell would almost always result in terrible food poisoning. Moreover, the tacos became an incognito smuggling conduit for the recently discovered ievonuia drug from Eastern Haane, which produces powerfully vivid hallucination. As food poisoning and vivid hallucinations created mayhem across Europe, the European Council quickly moved to repeal the Taco Act and motioned to impeach the Foreign Affairs Commissioner, who was last seen fleeing Europe on a flight to Blue Canaria North.
Commissioner, we appreciate this insight, and TMS encourages other Emissaries to likewise urge their respective regions to let us see how they work.
The citizens of The Ten Thousand Islands are an emotionally and psychologically well balanced bunch who evidently need no advice from our resident consultant. Consequently, Sandy is on vacation this month in some undisclosed balmy, sunny locale…which describes nearly anywhere in XKI. We hope some maladjusted individuals appeal to her so she can return to work next month. While it's true that she makes a respectable income at XKI Casino, she still needs the income our employer so generously provides her. A girl has to eat, after all.
January heralded the Ninth Annual Paffnia Prize Competition, in which citizens of XKI nominate those most worthy of merit for their contributions to our beloved region. This year's nomination featured a stellar lineup, the likes of which may never before have been seen. Ths winners were HumanSanity and Grea Kriopia for the XKI Summer Olympics. Second Prize went to Hakketomat for the highly popular Tacovision contest. Third Place went to Paffnia for the XKI Space Program, of which TMS has been a very vocal proponent. But we do them scant justice. It is well worth seeing the ceremony in its entirety here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40782/ninth-annual-paffnia-prize-winners.
Speaking of Paffnia Prize Second Place Winner Hakketomat , he was forced to respond to the overwhelming demand for a third installment of the wildly popular song Competition, Tacovision. As Hakke put it, “Hello everyone!
After a long and terrible wait, TacoVision is back for a third time!
The name itself is inspired by the real life event called Eurovision which is a contest in which participating nations send their own artists to compete in a song contest. In that contest, the songs have to be newly written and so, this contest departs from that format.”
As anticipated, the competition was hotly contested, but when the dust cleared, the winners were
1st Place: Wischland
2nd Place: Dokansia
3rd Place: Xoriet
BEST FLAG COMPETITION
THE Ministry of Immigration, with Thedairos at the helm, held a Best Flag Competition.
In keeping with the tradition, I am happy to announce the Best Flag Competition in February 2021! This contest was started many years ago by Anime Daisuki and has been revived last year by HumanSanity , along with a Best Motto Competition.
We are looking for the best and most creative national flag, which will be determined by vote. If you would like to participate, you can submit your flag until the 7th of February. After this, the flags will be randomly sorted into groups and voted upon from the 8th to the 14th until the winner will be determined in the final voting round between the 15th and 21st of February. All Islanders and Friends of the Islands are welcome to participate! TMS will keep readers apprised of the results.
POET LAUREATE CONTEST
Ministry of Labor has announced the Poet Laureate Contest.
Islanders, it's time for the Islands' February Poet Laureate Contest!
So much has happened in the past year, with Among Us gaining a lot of fame, people joking about the possibilities of WW3, and Prince Harry and Meghan Markle leaving the royal family. But above all, people persevered and showed bravery. For this iteration of the Poet Laureate competition, pieces can be any style of poetry, so long as it touches on the concept of courage/bravery. Have fun!
Only citizens may submit, and there's a limit of one poem submission per citizen. All entries must be your original work. Please PM all entries to both Free Las Pinas and Ministry of Labor by 12:00am UTC, Wednesday, February 11th. Do NOT post your entries here or otherwise share them with anyone else but Free Las Pinas . Good luck!
HOUSE CUP AND SHIELD COMPETITION
January was a big month for recruiting with the January Recruiting drive in full swing (sure, that was redundant, but we thought it worth repeating). Rather than duplicate Aschente 's work, we urge you to see the presentation of awards yourself here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40547/house-shield-competition-january-2021?page=1&scrollTo=1811077. We offer only this teaser, a list of recruiters:
Margaux - House of Louisistan 6993
Sulenia - House of Louisistan 6866
HumanSanity - House of Echolilia 6233
Grea Kriopia - House of Improving Wordiness 3111
Thedairos - House of The Tasmanian Islands 2591
Aschente - House of Markanite 201
Jabberwocky - House of Louisistan 83
Wischland - House of Louisistan 59
Porflox - House of Improving Wordiness 51
Zaberaz Hapang - House of Markanite 42
Kohnhead - House of The Tasmanian Islands 6
ROQ Q1 2021
Control has announced the new Rookie of the Quarter to be @dokansia. Please observe the ceremony here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40775/rookie-quarter-q1-2021?page=1&scrollTo=1808248.
The Mad Surfer is looking for highly qualified, motivated, dedicated writers. But maybe you would like to try your hand at it, too. And now WE CAN PAY YOU! Yes, we actually now have a payroll department! Pay commensurate with talent and ability to ingratiate oneself with Editor. Stringent job examination includes placing a mirror in front of your mouth to see if it fogs up. Please notify Jabberwocky or The Mad Surfer to apply.
The really big news is that Louisistan is retiring from his prestigious position as Mayor of Taco Island. If you think your qualified to fill his size sixteens, apply here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40894/hiring-mayor-taco-island.
SweetHaven is seeking somebody who is familiar with vBulletin, PHP, and MySQL, to assist them on a project (on vBulletin 5).
For more information, please approach SweetHaven in private.
Ministry of Labor is seeking an artist to render six Knight statues. For details, read this: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40289/sextuple-knight-statue-designs-needed.
A Graphic Designer is also needed for Flag Embellishment. Apply within: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40649/graphic-designer-needed-flag-embellishing.
To the consternation of local gamblers Free Las Pinas has retired from their post as Casino Manager. This naturally leaves an enormous void which Ministry of Labor is eager to fill. For details, read this: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40683/hiring-casino-shift-manager?page=1&scrollTo=1805415.
There is currently an opening for Emissary to Europe. Apply here: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/40514/hiring-emissary-europe.
You, too, can be one of the lucky few. Have TMS delivered right to your virtual door: 10000islands.proboards.com/thread/35671/subscription-sign-list.
The Mad Surfer is:
Staff Writers: Wischland , Jabberwocky , Sandy Shoals
Associate Editor: Grea Kriopia
Editor in Chief/Circulation/Advertising: Jabberwocky