Ten Thousand Islands News Network- Region Report

[Serconea]

Based on CNN's World Report This is a place for nations to post interesting news stories from their country's media.

They can be serious, light-hearted, whatever.

Here's an example...

SCA News
/Video of a traffic jam with cars with Serconean number plates.
The summer holidays have begun in Serconea and as usual, the roads will take the strain. But this year, there's a new solution from the Transport Ministry- they're allowing you to drive on the hard shoulder.

Transport Minister Alexei Rasken explained:
/Cut to interview outside Transport Ministry
"By opening up our hard shoulder during the school holidays we can effectively increase traffic space on our motorways by a third".

However, not everyone agrees, such as Road Safety Campaigner Anna Kouter-
"This will increase the lives lost to accidents. The police and ambulance services won't be able to get to accidents quickly".

Who will be right? We'll just have to wait and see.

[aranisland]

AIBC

/Video of drunken revellers, lively music in the background

The People of Aran Island have taken a break from their customary hard-working routine to throw an impromptu week-long party. Never before have national events inspired such a flurry of feeling. Morag Coughlin is one of the party organisers.

/cut to a close up of a young woman wearing a "We put the bite on Bight" T-Shirt

So Morag, why has this party gone on quite so long?

Now if your friends got out and you got a new home on the same day would you not be throwing a huge party?

You're referring to the liberation of the North Pacific.

To be sure! AND gettin' to come and live in 10000 islands where all those hunky TITO lads live! <looks at camera> Yez are all welcome boys, come and party.

/back to studio shot
But not everyone can enjoy the fun. We spoke to Jack Flaherty of the "Harp and Bodhram" bar.

/Brief cameo with more drunken revellers in the background, and a harrased looking middle aged man in foreground.

I don't know how much longer we can keep going, here. There's only so much Beamish in the whole of Aran Island, and there'll be a riot if we run out.

/Studio voice continues

Brewery and transport workers were also on overtime to attempt to meet the unprecedented demand. Hotels and guest houses are also reporting record numbers of visitors as word of the party spreads. Where will it end? We can only hope that the nation wakes up soon and realises that there's work to be done.

This was Forbes MicMichael reporting for the Aran Island Broadcasting Comission.

[Bonaduce Alander]

BANN
/Radar footage from a local weather station depicting a gigantic hurricane, known as Bonaduce Alander's legendary F6.
This year has brought another of our legedary F6s. Citezens are fed up with the consantnt abuse.
/ An angry looking senior citezen on her front porch.
I have had enough of this. I have to rebuild my home every month! Bonaduce Alander's government has to find a solution.
/ A bald male in his 40's wearing a "Science Rulz" plaid turtle neck.
I think I have found the sullution to Bonaduce Alander's problems. Nuclear explosions! If we dotonate a nuclear bomb in the eye of the Hurricane then it will cause the eye wall to colapse. Of course this may mean poluting our surrounding waters and this will only cause chatistrophic effects on Bonaduce Alander's weather........ But hey it will get rid of the Hurricane won't it?
/back to studio shot
Sounds like a good idea to me John.
John just shakes his head.
Now for sports.

[icouldhavelied]

ICHL National News:


/Video footage of Deputy Primeminister making his way out of The House Of Commons after being dismissed for Conduct Unbefitting of a Politician.

Our top story today, Deputy Primeminister Christopher Snook has been sacked from his position after it was proved he has attempted to bribe the Foreign Minister into making a falsified report about our allies 'Reptaland' (not sure if that is a real nation).

/cut to footage of Primeministers speech

In a statement earlier today, the Primeminister wished Mr Snook the best of luck with his future career and said he was sorry about the circumstances of his removal but that it had to happen to avoid any future complications concerning Reptaland.

More on this story as it reaches the news desk

[Parthini]

This is Jehn Parathimoip reporting for GRNN. Our top story: in the Parathian Zoo today, the first feather-bellied platypus litter, since their extinction in the late 1760s, was born today. 2 years ago, famed nobel-laureate scientist, Schlann Gertulu, hatched the first litter of feather-bellied platypi from an artificially inseminated Parthinian platypus female."

"Scince then, several hundred more feathered platypi have hatched, in what is called the greatest come back since the Pirates' last season."

"Head Zookeeper Salay Parakopu is here with me. Salay?"

"This is an absolutely wonderful event. I mean there is nothing more wonderful in the world right now. I think if everyone knew how wonderful this was, all the wars, and poverty, and death, and dying, and boredom would stop now, because they would want to be part of the wonderful...wonder."

"Wonderful.... In other news, Grand Prince Sarthui has announced that he is looking for a wife to father the new Grand Prince. Maybe he should head over to Aran Island.... This is Jehn Parathimoip signing off!"

[fierza]

FNI National News

"Rob Bower, reporting on a sensational story. A fight breaking out in the Most Serene Republic of Fierza."

"That's right John, apparantly, a fist fight started off in downtown Lazyville early this morning. The participants were said to be "a giant lizard" and "an enormous praying mantis". More on the story now from John"

"It's Rob, Diane. Anyway, there have been reports that the giant lizard can breathe fire and has recently emerged from the depths of the nearby Bay of Tranquility. Can we get a source on this? A drunken oaf? Well that's good enough for me."

"Thank you, John. In other news, the great and beneficient despot of Fierza reminded people today that a new law making voting compulsory is now in effect."

"It's Rob, Diane. That's right, the most worshipful despot also reminded the people that democracy is a sacred gift, so everyone must vote. In the forthcoming election one name stands out in particular: that of the most triumphant despot himself. Because his is the only name on the ballot paper."

"That's right, John. His most gloriousness also wishes to build on the last election result: 100%. It's a tall order, but independant polls already put his approval at 110% A new record!"

"That's right Diane, another record. That shows our glorious leaders' exellance. The 10th straight record election victory! What a virile, amazingly good-looking man. Why, I bet even you would go out with him, Diane."

"Oh, John, stop! You're making me blush. On a lighter note, the UN condemned the last election results as "highly suspicious". Oh, that UN They'll do anything to get attention, won't they John?"

"It's Rob"

"Well, from all of us here at Fierza News Incorporated network, good night"

[cordella]

ASC Newswire: 4:45pm

Pres. Billy Clanton put into congress a draft to charge 20 % of all revenues created by Uratech Holdings, Cordella's main and largest industrial intrest.

"Ridiculous, 20 % of all revenues period? Plain ridiculous!", said Tony Paychek, UTech's spokesperson.

A presidential spokeswoman stated that the president feels this will give them a look into the businesses books legitimately, to make sure weapons grade uranium is not being sold off-handedly.

"We dont want this stuff to fall in the wrong hands, and end up with it falling on our heads.", said treasury head Jay Casheti

[squirrels]

Today the Commonwealth of Free Squirrels awoke to a new day and a new structure in it's government. For years it Silver Council, head of it's Federal Government structure, has been run by a Council of Nine members. That all changed today as the Council was formally expanded to Eleven seats in light of the recent migrations to the Commonwealth of several recently discovered oppressed people's of neighbouring Regions and even fellow Nations of the 10000 Islands Region.

Though there is some concern from more isolationist factions on the Silver Council that perhaps this granting of Two permanent seats to the recent additions to the Commonwealth could upset the balance of power. Spokespeople for the remaining Council members have made it clear they felt this was the only "Right" decision in making sure that the new "citizens" of the Commonwealth felt safe and part of their new home.

[Beta Aurigae VII]

BAVIINN Report

This morning the Militarized States of Beta Aurigae VII stepped into a much larger universe with the launching of its new space fleet. After the war with the Ragnark some 61 years ago the government decided it was time to build up a large space navy to combat future threats both to the 10000 Islands and itself, the results of this measure were seen this morning as the fleet was deployed to their guardian and patrol areas. The official ship numbers are still unavailiable but the government has told the media that the combined offensive and defensive fleets will number 3,000 total ships. We will continue to monitor this story as it progresses.

[squirrels]

Today the Silver Council and the entire Commonwealth endorsed it's support and good wishes to the remaining Tribes in once more founding their nation in freedom. Thanks to the recent purging of the bad two-legs from the DEN, the Tribes have returned to their ancestrial homes.

Though still represented on the Silver Council by their two representatives, they will be given extra ley-way to run their own internal affairs, as long as this does not conflict with the views of the Commonwealth.

Rumours of recent species-cide being practiced against two-legs inside the DEN by the returning Tribes has been denied by the Silver Council. The Tribes refused to comment.