Taco Island Intelligence Agency

[Ater Nox]

I'm sure you are all wondering why I've gathered you here today.

A while back in one of the *CLASSIFIED* spam threads, members of Taco Island took on the role as *TOP SECRET* Agents. Enter the *REDACTED* code here for more information:http://10000islands.proboards.com/post/1044482/thread

This thread is for further missions to be undertaken.

Anyone brave enough to take part in extremely dangerous missions should meet at the Taco Island marketplace. Enter from the south at 10:13am and wear a red shirt and a grey belt. I will wait near the fountain reading a 1953 edition of the Mad Islander. Upon giving me a code phrase, I will give you a top secret mission. Agent Barry, you may want to bring along a change of clothes, things may get messy for you.

This message will self destruct in 9 seconds...

[Louisistan]

Hey! You didn't fill out form #6284 "Creation of a pseudo-government-agency" and #23409 "Notice of impending intelligence operations"... oh wait, there they are. Carry on then.

[Barry]

*reassembles exploded message after picking tape out of his ears, nose, mouth, and other orifices; listens to "Toppy Secret" communique under ultra-violet lamp in garage "priest hole"; packs grey shirt, red belt, along with an assortment of dresses and Justin Bieber, Billy Joel, giraffe, bunny rabbit etc., disguises, Bourbon, and 3 and a half rolls of paper towels; rushes over to the Unofficial-Not Really Taco Island City Clerk's Office to pick up Form #URA-007-QT, "Application to Do Big Secrety Stuff Like *%^#(@% and #^*$!)*"; then jumps on Red Bull-powered roller board and heads to TI Marketplace*

[Ater Nox]

*Flies to the marketplace in a black, unmarked helicopter*

*speaks into radio*

It looks like we have a Code Violet situation, have additional surveillance placed on all taxi drivers in the vicinity of the cafe and proceed with mission as planned.

*gets out of helicopter and takes a seat near the fountain. Then gets a copy of a 1946 edition of the Mad Islander out a briefcase and reads it while filling out important documents and then immediately redacting any written comments*

[Louisistan]

*Starts blacking secret documents*

[Barry]

*arrives at TI marketplace, disguised as a Hungarian pretzel & ceiling tile salesman; rents a room for 20 minutes on top floor of The Hotel Taco Belle*

This gives me a pretty good line of sight!

*looks through binoculars and sees man reading 1961 editon of the Mad Islander near fountain*

Yee-haw! I think we got us a Mission!

*grabs bullhorn and blares 'secret passwords' at "Fountain Man" from room balcony:*

"THE CANDLE NEVER MELTS BRAZILIAN WAX IN THE WINTER TIME, EXCEPT, OF COURSE, IF IT IS UNUSUALLY WARM OR IT'S WINTER IN NORTH AMERICA, WHICH MAKES IT SUMMER IN MOST ALL OF SOUTH AMERICA. INCLUDING THE SUBURBS OF SAN PAOLO!"

[Ater Nox]

Ah, that sounds like Agent Barry's code phrase!

*puts his left hand on his head and gives the secret signal of jumping up and down 7 times and waving his other hand over his head*

*pulls out a large fog horn and replies in morse code*

AGENT BARRY STOP. GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU STOP. WAS IMPRESSED TO HEAR OF YOUR SUCCESS IN LAST MISSION TAKING DOWN CROOKED PIZZA DELIVERY DRIVER STOP. YOUR NEXT MISSION IS TO INFILTRATE A DANGEROUS OUTFIT OF COUNTERFEITERS STOP. MEET YOUR CONTACT AT 1800 OUTSIDE LOCAL FIRE STATION STOP. SHE WILL BE DISGUISED AS WOOL WHOLESALER STOP. YOU MUST BE COVERED IN MUD STOP. GIVE CONTACT 6 BANANAS, A LARGE HANDKERCHIEF, AN AIR TO AIR MISSILE AND A COPY OF YOUR DRIVERS LICENCE STOP. IN EXCHANGE YOU WILL RECEIVE FURTHER INSTRUCTION STOP. GOOD LUCK AGENT BARRY STOP.

[Coryo]

I can't keep up with so many threads you guys made over the last few weeks. Silly committee to this??? This is crazy.

[Ater Nox]

Hmmm... *flicks through the latest list of code phrases from HQ*

I don't recognise that code, what are you trying to say?

[Coryo]

Sept 22, 2014 22:50:20 GMT -5 Ater Nox said:

Hmmm... *flicks through the latest list of code phrases from HQ*

I don't recognise that code, what are you trying to say?

Codes? You mean the Alpha Beta Charlie Delta Epsilon Foxtrot something like that?

[Ater Nox]

Alpha Beta Charlie Delta Epsilon Foxtrot?

*hands Coryo a sniper rifle, a picture of a squirrel, a copy of the Taco Island Phone book and a pair of sunglasses*

Your target will be travelling be train tomorrow at noon. Don't miss Agent Coryo.

[Coryo]

Sept 22, 2014 22:53:49 GMT -5 Ater Nox said:

Alpha Beta Charlie Delta Epsilon Foxtrot?

*hands Coryo a sniper rifle, a picture of a squirrel, a copy of the Taco Island Phone book and a pair of sunglasses*

Your target will be travelling be train tomorrow at noon. Don't miss Agent Coryo.

Gotcha. *wears a pair of sunglasses and prepares to move*

[Louisistan]

*finished filling out and then blacking all the forms* *burns them in the middle of the market place*

[Ater Nox]

*shreds the ashes of the burnt forms and then crushes the remains and feeds them to pigeons who have passed a security check*

[Louisistan]

Agent Ater Nox, the flowers bloom a blue blossoming while the dove excreets her timid "shoo" onto the shoe of the idle passer-by, does it not?

[Ater Nox]

The wind in winter whistles while the grass grows green in Georgia.

I have slipped a ticket for the gondela up Taco Mountain into your back pocket. Use this to plant a listening device into the concierges office at the top and listen in on all conversations. Your contact will enter the office and say 'Good Morning'. When they exit the office, confirm your identity to them by reciting a poem about teeth and they will provide you with a red umbrella. Wait outside the cafeteria with the umbrella half opened and you will be contacted further.

[Louisistan]

Right, and off we go.

*travels up Taco Mountain and plants the device*

[Ater Nox]

*flies off with a jetpack while putting on a red wig and fake glasses. Pick's up Agent Coryo's target Mr Squirrel and drives him to the train station in an orange minivan.*

Have a good trip Mr Squirrel.

Oh damn, look at the time!

*uses the ejector seat to shoot up to a jumbo jet and hitches a ride towards Taco Mountain before parachuting off and onto the mountain. Enters the concierges office wearing a chefs hat.*

Errr, good morning, can you direct me to the cafeteria?

*quickly heads to the cafeteria after stealing a maroon umbrella off a nearby tourist*

[Louisistan]

Starts shouting at the man with the chef's hat:

Teeth! Teeth Teeth Teeth!
Oh, ye wonderful teeth!
How I will miss you after my visit
to the dentist
tomorrow.

Takes the red umbrella, opens it halfway and stands before the cafeteria.

[Barry]

Damn! Agent Ater Nox foghorned me my instructions by Morse Code! I'm a bit rusty in that department.

*puts on Morse Code Decoder ring and starts translating*

AGENT BARRY STOP...GOOD ...(undecipherable)...PIZZA.. (undecipherable)...
MISSION IS TO...COUNTERFEIT...YOUR CONTACT AT 1800 OUTSIDE LOCAL FIRE
STATION STOP. SHE WILL BE DISGUISED AS...SALER STOP. YOU MUST BE
COVERED IN...BANANAS... AN
AIR TO AIR MISSILE AND...COPY...YOUR DRIVERS LICENCE...
STOP...AGENT BARRY
STOP.

*scratches head* Glad Agent Ater Nox liked the pizza here, but his message is a bit confusing. Still, I think I have the crux of it.

*puts together air-to-air missle from "Missiles 'R Rockets, Too! Kit"; attaches bananas and driver's license to belt of disguise as a sailor on leave from the Zambian Navy; and shoots self out hotel window toward the fire station*

[Shy Guy]

Secret Morse Code Message to Ater Nox,
.-- . / .... .- ...- . / -.. . - . -.-. - . -.. / .- / -. . .-- / ... .--. .- -- -- .. -. --. / - .... . .. ..-. --..-- / -.-. --- .-. -.-- --- .-.-.- / ... . -. -.. / .- / .- --. . -. - / - --- / -.. --- / - .... . / .-- --- .-. -.- .-.-.- / -....- ... .... -.-- / --. ..- -.-- .. .- .-.-.- / .--. ... ---... / .- .-.. ... --- / - .... .. ... / -- . ... ... .- --. . / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / . -..- .--. .-.. --- -.. . / .. -. / ..... / -- .. -. ..- - . ... / .- ..-. - . .-. / -.-- --- ..- / .... .- ...- . / .-. . .- -.. . -.. / - .... .. ... / ... . -. - .- -. -.-. . .-.-.-

morsecode.scphillips.com/jtranslator.html

[Ater Nox]

*decodes message*

WE HAVE DETECTED A NEW SPAMMING THEIF, CORYO. SEND A AGENT TO DO THE WORK. -SHY GUYIA. PS: ALSO THIS MESSAGE WILL EXPLODE IN 5 MINUTES AFTER YOU HAVE READED THIS SENTANCE.

Oh no! Excellent work Agent Shy Guy, the academy said you were one of the best! You will need to get on this case immediately.

I recommend you go undercover at the local Furniture Store and see if you can sell a table with a listening device and camera hidden in it to our suspect.

[Barry]

*lands on top of Fire Department, eats banana from belt of his sailor's disguise, rushes downstairs and outside to look for counterfeit female sailor contact*

Oh No! I don't see my contact! Where is she? Oh what will I do, what will I do?
 
*thinks, then rushes back into Fire Department, and - showing Fire Chief his driver's license - "commandeers" a fire truck on the pretext of taking it over to the Top Secret Naval Base to help extinguish a bacon-grease fire in the Mess Hall; then roars off down the street with sirens blaring and Dalmatian dog barking out the passenger seat window*

[Coryo]

*goes about spamming*

[Shy Guy]

*goes to IKEA*

[Coryo]

*buys some furniture*

[Ater Nox]

The cheetah has eaten the melon, I repeat, the cheetah has eaten the melon.

[Boltor]

)@*%4_$!$*^*57($)^mr)####Auto message decryption level 6

Overlord to all agents, HQ will now issue all agents with smart shoe-phones, pen-guns and concealable allen keys, pick them up at your designated bravo pickup sites.

-Overlord out.
This message will mow re5$%)&@#$KTM# $__#$_)%+235

[Ater Nox]

*speaks into radio connected to a speaker attached to the dalmatian's collar*

Agent Barry, good work on meeting up with Agent Bones. Your next mission will be to escort Agent Bones to the nearest park. You then need to use the telescope in the truck's glovebox to observe any suspicious people who come into contact with Agent Bones as he patrols the perimeter. We believe that an enemy agent known only as 'The Dog Walker' has been smuggling illegal immigrants into Taco Island while pretending to take his pet sheepdog for a walk. If you spot any suspicious people, tag them with the tracking device hidden in the spare tire. You have authorisation to follow and eliminate the target. Be careful Agent Barry, we believe this criminal is armed and dangerous so you may need to use extra cunning when approaching them.

[Shy Guy]

*walks into the IKEA of Taco Island CEO:s Office*
Shy Guyia: So i have founded out that one of my friends wanted to buy your new table design.
CEO: What do you want? Who are you?
Shy Guyia: I'm working for TIIA, Taco Island Intelligence Agency. After our little talk i need to brainwash your head.
Shy Guyia: I want you to give my friend "Coryo" this table. *takes out a table from my pocket*
CEO: It's the same table design, so you need to pay for this.
Shy Guyia: How much? TIIA Have the most Tacos in 10000 Islands.
CEO: But what about the Regional Reserve?
Shy Guyia: Who cares about the Regional Reserve?
CEO: Whatever, you need to pay 1000000 Tacos.
Shy Guyia: Sure *gives the CEO 15 tacos*
CEO: This is only 15 tacos..
*brainwashes the CEO and walks away*