OOC Battle Tag Chess II: The Race!

[Harmonious Treefolk]

It's time for the ultimate 10 billion mile race! There are no limits and no rules! LET THE RACE BEGIN!

Okay, there is a rule or two. This is a race between whoever wants to join. And you race using whatever weapons and gimmicks you want, whatever allies you want, WHATEVER STUPID ATTACK YOU CAN THINK OF!

Let the carnage begin!

[Harmonious Treefolk]

*starts jogging*

[New Dracora]

*rocks up in his Tachyon Hover Tank*

yo

[Harmonious Treefolk]

*jogs slightly faster*

*pulls out a walkie-talkie and gives orders to the Anti-Tank guns to set up position 10 miles ahead and wait for the tank*

[Inquirius]

*Joins the race, riding on Cthulhu's head*

Haha puny mortals and their guns...

[Haicho]

*Starts digging, figuring that he can hit the finish line on the other side of the planet faster this way...*

[Harmonious Treefolk]

*Yog-Sothoth rips a hole in the dimensional fabric, sending all mortals who gaze upon it into instant madness. It taps on Cthulhu's shoulder. (Everyone knows Yog-Sothoth pwns Cthulhu!)*

*the anti-tank guns open fire on ND's tank*

*molemen scramble to attack the diggings of Haicho*

*HT keeps jogging*

[Haicho]

*Throat Punches all molemen*

*Calls in air strike on surface dwellers*

[Harmonious Treefolk]

*gets out a really, really good umbrella to defend against the air strikes*

*sends a squad of soldiers back to Haicho's hole to drop grenades on Haicho's head*

[Haicho]

*Pulls the pins on the grenades and tosses them back, killing all but 3.5 of HT's soldiers...*

*Starts launching land mines upwards for unwary joggers*

*Keeps digging, it's getting hotter now*

[Harmonious Treefolk]

*presses a button on the Earthquake-mo-tron, causing an earthquake that is only mildly felt on the surface...but will collapse any tunnels in the earth*

*sends a massive herd of mudkips ahead of him to blow up any mines in his path*

*jogs a little faster*

[Haicho]

*Cries for any brave mudkipz that may have died today*

*Hears shaking above his head, but it doesn't matter because his shovel is immediately incinerated as it hits molten core. He is okay with his flame-retardant Speedo, but magma rushes to spurt and cover the whole earth.*

*Ignores the impending doom of mankind and keeps digging....which is hard without a shovel.*

[Harmonious Treefolk]

*the lava rains down on Treefolk, but he ignores it from underneath is his extra-awesome umbrella*

*wonders how Haicho is doing down in the molten core...little does Haicho know that the world they are on is flat, and if he digs far enough he will fall out the other side into an endless void. Also, the finishing line is 10 billion miles from the start...on a flat plane* ((Hah hah, I'm a turkey aren't I?))

*jogs a little faster*

[Haicho]

*Pushes through the last layer of dirt, and starts falling, falling, falling....*

*Cleans the dirt out from under his fingernails*

*Grabs on to a rock jutting out in to the void, 10 billion miles from where he started, and starts digging back up*

*Laughs at how much of a lead he has gained in the void*

[Harmonious Treefolk]

*jogs even faster*

*summons his own personal Death. The Death attacks Haicho!*

[Haicho]

*Sees death arriving in his coffin-mobile*

*Pulls out a bag of Luden's cough drops and throws them*

*Cough drops stop his coffin!*

*Pulls out Death's scythe, giving him ultimate digging powers, as all rocks die in his presence*

[Harmonious Treefolk]

*Harmonious Treefolk suddenly shudders as he jogs, feeling the immense power of Haicho's punning, even through the miles of earth that separate them*

"I know of one who may be able to defeat this speedo-clad rogue."

*as he passes a tree, he leaves the symbol of two demons upon it. Soon, Haicho is confronted by a raggedy-looking samurai pushing a cart with his son in it. It is Lone Wolf and Cub, Ogami Itto and Daigoro. And they have been paid to end the life of Haicho.*

[Haicho]

*Goes into an epic Kill Bill battle scene, using Death's scythe to ward off the newcomers. He slowly keeps digging as he fights, eventually striking more molten lava*

*The demons are distracted, and as they notice the lava, Haicho rogueishly cuts off their head with the scythe, leaving the bodies to burn.*

*Haicho now constantly spins the scythe around himself, the ultimate protection that would be dumb to bring into a game as it is near invincible.*

[Harmonious Treefolk]

*finds an old-fashioned street trolley ala San Fransisco and jumps aboard. It races forward*

*against all odds, who does he meet but Earth's current Green Lantern! Green Lantern agrees that HT should definitely win this race, so he flies off towards Haicho*

*GL will be smart and try to contain Haicho with the GL ring rather than trying to pierce the Death-Scythe defense*

[Haicho]

*Hires out the rest of the JL, upon penalty of death, to fight off GL until he wins the race*

*Sends sliced bread ninjas at HT, because honestly, what's cooler than sliced bread or ninjas?*

*Silently shaves through the rock, about 357 feet to go now, it should be an easy win.*

[Harmonious Treefolk]

*Dr McNinja, an old friend of HT's jumps in and easily cuts down the sliced bread ninjas, making delicious toast in the process.*

*Toad, another old friend of HT's, burrows into the ground and pops up in front of Haicho.*

"The princess--err, I mean goal--is in another castle!"

*the goal line Haicho was going towards is suddenly revealed to be a mushroom. The real goal line is 10 trillion miles further away*

[Haicho]

*Haicho curses the invincibility of the other racers and himself, and wonders if the flat world even extends 10 trillion miles...*

*He sighs, jumps in the Mach 5, runs over the red mushroom for a size boost, and speeds off towards the new finish line*

*On the way, he eats some newfound toast with butter, and hurls Odin's spear Gungnir at the speedy HT, knowing it cannot fail*

[Chronopolice]

*places a stick on the path of the racers*
*sits back and then gets popcorn to watch the hilarity ensue*

[New Dracora]

*finally emerges from the wreck of his obliterated hover tank.*

*is not amused*

*morphs into dragon form and flies after the one responsible for breaking one of his toys*

[Nolishiwan]

*calls for a knight to stop ND*
*activates an EMP-bomb so gigantic the world will never see one near as big*
*warps himself over half of the way*
*takes a bicycle and starts pedaling*

[Omnaria]

*Stands still. It's only fair to give everyone else a head start...*

[Echolilia]

I use a personal teleporter.