Post by skegnezz on Jun 2, 2010 17:13:02 GMT -5
The Free Land of Skegnezz is a nation populated mainly by artificial life-forms such as androids, cyborgs and double glazing salesmen. It is a proud nation where free speech, civil liberties and the expulsion of capitalism are held in high regard. Mostly.
The national currency of Skegnezz is the Quid, the revered animal is the Tapir and its motto is 'We Just Luvz It'. For years, philosophers have been attempting to deduce exactly what 'it' is.
The Government is a sprawling, laid-back affair which holds elections as and when it feels like it because most of the population can't be bothered to go out and vote anyway. In any case, the Liberal Socialist Party always wins by a landslide not only because of the nation's core principles but also because their candidates' names are always printed five times bigger on the ballot papers than anyone else's. Nevertheless, the main opposition party - for want of a better phrase - is the Unexpected Item In The Bagging Area Coalition, although the Ban X-Factor Party almost stole their thunder at the most recent round of voting.
Though political freedoms are handed out sparingly in Skegnezz, civil liberties are another matter entirely. The nation's citizens are free, for example, to challenge each other to duels, go out naked in public and have sex with their siblings. They can even hold anti-Government rallies if they agree to trade in their right to vote in order to obtain an official Permit to Protest. The few media outlets that aren't run by the Government are also allowed to print and broadcast almost anything they like - even the whole of the Eurovision Song Contest. If that's not freedom of the press, then we don't know what is.
Private enterprise is a tricky business in Skegnezz. Nowhere in the nation's Constitution does it actually say "thou shalt not build a corporate empire", but that's only because the Laws and Rights Committee hasn't been able to gather a quorum to make the necessary amendment due to the fact that most of its members died years ago. In the mean time, the Government settles for deterring its citizens from wanting to set up anything more lucrative than a corner shop by requiring company directors to keep detailed logs of such things as how much their annual spend on biros is, what brand of swivel chairs they use and how often they go to the toilet.
Crime is something of a grey area. The general philosophy is that virtually nothing is a crime unless it directly harms a someone or something, and this is reinforced by a special clause stating that it's only illegal to fiddle your taxes if you get caught within six months of doing it. Cannabis use is legal within Skegnezz's boundaries, while hard drugs aren't a problem simply because the nation's tax rate means no-one can afford them anyway. Assisted suicide is permitted only on medical grounds, while manslaughter is considered acceptable when backed up with defences that normally involve the words 'caught', 'shagging', 'behind' and 'back' or any combination of the above.
Writing is encouraged in Skegnezz - especially the writing of unnecessarily long prose, as you'll have no doubt gathered. In fact, all of the arts are encouraged in all their forms, with the obvious exception of karaoke nights at local pubs, which are likely to land the offending licensee with a sentence of a full day in an isolation cell with only a Cheeky Girls CD on repeat as company.
The nation's highly socialist leaning has led to an extensive social welfare package affording every citizen the right to a decent standard of living accommodation, high quality health care, the best education for their children, public transport that runs on time, pristinely clean streets and kitchen taps that not only provide hot and cold water but a third one that dispenses beer as well. The provision of coffee is made through subsidies because it was just costing too much to keep the pipes heated around the clock - in spite of the efforts of the Heat Our Coffee Party, which almost seized power many moons ago but was silenced by the threat to remove caffeine products from the shelves altogether if it didn't stop moaning.
Time has been decimalised in Skegnezz, with 20 hours in each day, 10 days in each week, 5 weeks in each month and 10 months in each year. Those in authority would have you believe that this system was introduced as a means to allow everyone five days off each week, but in reality it was simply because no-one in Skegnezz is very good at maths and they just find it easier counting things off on their ten fingers instead of using a calculator.
Environmentally, Skegnezz is really quite spectacular, with snow-capped mountains contrasted against deep ravines which play host to a multitude of species of animal, bird and plant life. The offence of murder extends to the animal kingdom here, meaning you could land yourself with a criminal record for nothing more than swatting a spider with your shoe. It is therefore a subject of great debate as to exactly where the meat products sold in Government-approved supermarkets come from, with many believing that the meat is synthesised in huge test tubes at the same factory where they make Pot Noodles - while many a conspiracy theorist has suggested that it's actually the remains of dead politicians. No surprise then that the vast majority of the population is vegetarian.
The nation is famous the world over for its tolerant attitudes towards all life forms, and this has prompted many famous 'artificials' to seek refuge here. Among them are Mr Data from Star Trek the Next Generation, Talkie Toaster from Red Dwarf and even a large contingent of Terminators who, tired of their murderous duties, had come to seek a more harmonious existence in Skegnezz.
Signed,
J-Har
President of Skegnezz
The national currency of Skegnezz is the Quid, the revered animal is the Tapir and its motto is 'We Just Luvz It'. For years, philosophers have been attempting to deduce exactly what 'it' is.
The Government is a sprawling, laid-back affair which holds elections as and when it feels like it because most of the population can't be bothered to go out and vote anyway. In any case, the Liberal Socialist Party always wins by a landslide not only because of the nation's core principles but also because their candidates' names are always printed five times bigger on the ballot papers than anyone else's. Nevertheless, the main opposition party - for want of a better phrase - is the Unexpected Item In The Bagging Area Coalition, although the Ban X-Factor Party almost stole their thunder at the most recent round of voting.
Though political freedoms are handed out sparingly in Skegnezz, civil liberties are another matter entirely. The nation's citizens are free, for example, to challenge each other to duels, go out naked in public and have sex with their siblings. They can even hold anti-Government rallies if they agree to trade in their right to vote in order to obtain an official Permit to Protest. The few media outlets that aren't run by the Government are also allowed to print and broadcast almost anything they like - even the whole of the Eurovision Song Contest. If that's not freedom of the press, then we don't know what is.
Private enterprise is a tricky business in Skegnezz. Nowhere in the nation's Constitution does it actually say "thou shalt not build a corporate empire", but that's only because the Laws and Rights Committee hasn't been able to gather a quorum to make the necessary amendment due to the fact that most of its members died years ago. In the mean time, the Government settles for deterring its citizens from wanting to set up anything more lucrative than a corner shop by requiring company directors to keep detailed logs of such things as how much their annual spend on biros is, what brand of swivel chairs they use and how often they go to the toilet.
Crime is something of a grey area. The general philosophy is that virtually nothing is a crime unless it directly harms a someone or something, and this is reinforced by a special clause stating that it's only illegal to fiddle your taxes if you get caught within six months of doing it. Cannabis use is legal within Skegnezz's boundaries, while hard drugs aren't a problem simply because the nation's tax rate means no-one can afford them anyway. Assisted suicide is permitted only on medical grounds, while manslaughter is considered acceptable when backed up with defences that normally involve the words 'caught', 'shagging', 'behind' and 'back' or any combination of the above.
Writing is encouraged in Skegnezz - especially the writing of unnecessarily long prose, as you'll have no doubt gathered. In fact, all of the arts are encouraged in all their forms, with the obvious exception of karaoke nights at local pubs, which are likely to land the offending licensee with a sentence of a full day in an isolation cell with only a Cheeky Girls CD on repeat as company.
The nation's highly socialist leaning has led to an extensive social welfare package affording every citizen the right to a decent standard of living accommodation, high quality health care, the best education for their children, public transport that runs on time, pristinely clean streets and kitchen taps that not only provide hot and cold water but a third one that dispenses beer as well. The provision of coffee is made through subsidies because it was just costing too much to keep the pipes heated around the clock - in spite of the efforts of the Heat Our Coffee Party, which almost seized power many moons ago but was silenced by the threat to remove caffeine products from the shelves altogether if it didn't stop moaning.
Time has been decimalised in Skegnezz, with 20 hours in each day, 10 days in each week, 5 weeks in each month and 10 months in each year. Those in authority would have you believe that this system was introduced as a means to allow everyone five days off each week, but in reality it was simply because no-one in Skegnezz is very good at maths and they just find it easier counting things off on their ten fingers instead of using a calculator.
Environmentally, Skegnezz is really quite spectacular, with snow-capped mountains contrasted against deep ravines which play host to a multitude of species of animal, bird and plant life. The offence of murder extends to the animal kingdom here, meaning you could land yourself with a criminal record for nothing more than swatting a spider with your shoe. It is therefore a subject of great debate as to exactly where the meat products sold in Government-approved supermarkets come from, with many believing that the meat is synthesised in huge test tubes at the same factory where they make Pot Noodles - while many a conspiracy theorist has suggested that it's actually the remains of dead politicians. No surprise then that the vast majority of the population is vegetarian.
The nation is famous the world over for its tolerant attitudes towards all life forms, and this has prompted many famous 'artificials' to seek refuge here. Among them are Mr Data from Star Trek the Next Generation, Talkie Toaster from Red Dwarf and even a large contingent of Terminators who, tired of their murderous duties, had come to seek a more harmonious existence in Skegnezz.
Signed,
J-Har
President of Skegnezz
