Post by Free Guns For All on Oct 31, 2011 18:51:27 GMT -5
Last year's call.
Back by popular demand, the Islander's Cup:
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the second (hopefully) annual Islander’s Cup. I’m your announcer Free Guns For All, because people think last year’s race was rigged. Let’s have a look down at the track now and we can see Grub with a ban hammer, freshly caked in the blood of several of last year’s competitors who beat him. Thanya is nowhere to be seen…oh, wait a minute, she has just arrived from a dark portal to the underworld. Cerb has already had a few beers in anticipation of his loss…oops, you don’t know that yet. Shelter has just slipped a twenty into my pocket on his way down to the track. Ketab has noticed this and is coming to copy his idol, which is not a good idea because…
AND THEY’RE OFF!!! The other twenty three racers have started without Ketab. Grub is off to an early lead but wait; he’s just turned around and is waving the ban hammer menacingly. But it doesn’t appear to be working. In fact *CRACK!* that’s the sound of twenty two racers trampling their founder, with Ketab the only one with any mercy and going around. Cerb is stumbling around blindly but is somehow in front, Woonsocket is charging up behind him. Wordy, Ananke and Minna are arguing over who’s the prettiest, and Thanya is trying to rip the face off anyone stupid enough to go near the deranged sock puppet. The track looks fairly dry, but somehow Walabamba is within the first ten racers paddling his canoe. The Enigmatic Nation is beating Aersoldorf, not for the first time this year, and Boltor is this year’s Echo and pwning Taco Island. Echo on the other hand is actually trying to win and losing. 3LiT3 is flying along…not literally though because he’s a chicken, which the cat known as La Vida is very happy with. And weed makes that kitty hungry and lazy so we’ll have to see which of those wins. Bringing up the rear (aside from Ketab) we have Anartonia and Tanzoria God-modding each other, and Takaram, Tsim Sha Tsui and Anime Daisuki seem to be letting Paffnia beat them, as though he can tarnish their reputations with something he can say or do. And as they approach the bend, Mark is making a charge as though that might get him a knighthood and I might as well mention PAI because he’s somewhere in the pack too.
They’re coming around for their second lap and Grub is trying to pull himself off the track before getting trampled by the twenty three remaining racers again *CRACK!* to no effect. Or maybe it did. As I said that, Ketab, Wordy and Tanz have all tripped over Grub’s carcass…wait, that was Echo, not Tanz. Wordy’s face is now covered in mud, effectively putting her out of the argument with Minna and Ananke. I’m sure there’s a dirty girl joke that can go in here. Aerso has pulled in front of Enig, for the first time this year, and Boltor has actually stopped so he can spam easier. Woonsocket is out in front now, looking to get what I stole from him last year, but here comes Tanz. Shelter is nowhere to be seen. Wait, there he is, feeling up Gilda in the elevator. Why we have an elevator in the middle of the field, I don’t know. Cerb fell back a bit there, but he’s charging up the field in a drunken rage, knocking out Anartonia, PAI and Enig. Aerso is now celebrating actually beating Enig, and has been KO’d by Cerb too. Minna and Ananke’s little argument has turned violent now, since Ananke has thrown Anime Daisuki at Minna, effectively taking both of them out of the race. Actually, Ananke is now the sixth victim of Cerb. Jeez he’s a violent drunk.
We’re now in the final stretch and we only have half the field left. Woon is leading, 3LiT3 in close second and La Vida holding third with Tanz, Mark, Paff, Cerb, Thanya, La Vida, Tak, Wala and Tsim all in a bunch. That was a bad move on their part because Cerb has just grabbed Wala’s canoe and knocked out half the remaining competition. Wala, Tsim, Tak, Thanya and Paff are gone. That isn’t going to help Cerb’s PolitiFact rating. La Vida’s “special cigarettes” have finally gotten the best of her and she’s just settled for a bag of Cheetos like other stoners, and Cerb has fallen over, to drunk to get up. This leaves us with four racers: Woon, 3LiT3, Tanz and Mark. A cow, a chicken, a camel and…Mark. Mark is trying to saddle up on Tanz, but Tanz has just thrown him off and charged past 3LiT3. 10 yards left. 3LiT3 is too far back to win now, Woon and Tanz are neck and neck. 5 yards. It’s Tanz, no Woon, back to Tanz. It’s…it’s…TANZORIA! Tanzoria has won the second Islander’s Cup…is what I would be saying if it wasn’t for this twenty dollar note in my pocket. Congratulations to Shelter from the Storm on your victory. May your reign be as slimy as you are. Thank you, and goodnight.
Back by popular demand, the Islander's Cup:
Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the second (hopefully) annual Islander’s Cup. I’m your announcer Free Guns For All, because people think last year’s race was rigged. Let’s have a look down at the track now and we can see Grub with a ban hammer, freshly caked in the blood of several of last year’s competitors who beat him. Thanya is nowhere to be seen…oh, wait a minute, she has just arrived from a dark portal to the underworld. Cerb has already had a few beers in anticipation of his loss…oops, you don’t know that yet. Shelter has just slipped a twenty into my pocket on his way down to the track. Ketab has noticed this and is coming to copy his idol, which is not a good idea because…
(Bell)
AND THEY’RE OFF!!! The other twenty three racers have started without Ketab. Grub is off to an early lead but wait; he’s just turned around and is waving the ban hammer menacingly. But it doesn’t appear to be working. In fact *CRACK!* that’s the sound of twenty two racers trampling their founder, with Ketab the only one with any mercy and going around. Cerb is stumbling around blindly but is somehow in front, Woonsocket is charging up behind him. Wordy, Ananke and Minna are arguing over who’s the prettiest, and Thanya is trying to rip the face off anyone stupid enough to go near the deranged sock puppet. The track looks fairly dry, but somehow Walabamba is within the first ten racers paddling his canoe. The Enigmatic Nation is beating Aersoldorf, not for the first time this year, and Boltor is this year’s Echo and pwning Taco Island. Echo on the other hand is actually trying to win and losing. 3LiT3 is flying along…not literally though because he’s a chicken, which the cat known as La Vida is very happy with. And weed makes that kitty hungry and lazy so we’ll have to see which of those wins. Bringing up the rear (aside from Ketab) we have Anartonia and Tanzoria God-modding each other, and Takaram, Tsim Sha Tsui and Anime Daisuki seem to be letting Paffnia beat them, as though he can tarnish their reputations with something he can say or do. And as they approach the bend, Mark is making a charge as though that might get him a knighthood and I might as well mention PAI because he’s somewhere in the pack too.
They’re coming around for their second lap and Grub is trying to pull himself off the track before getting trampled by the twenty three remaining racers again *CRACK!* to no effect. Or maybe it did. As I said that, Ketab, Wordy and Tanz have all tripped over Grub’s carcass…wait, that was Echo, not Tanz. Wordy’s face is now covered in mud, effectively putting her out of the argument with Minna and Ananke. I’m sure there’s a dirty girl joke that can go in here. Aerso has pulled in front of Enig, for the first time this year, and Boltor has actually stopped so he can spam easier. Woonsocket is out in front now, looking to get what I stole from him last year, but here comes Tanz. Shelter is nowhere to be seen. Wait, there he is, feeling up Gilda in the elevator. Why we have an elevator in the middle of the field, I don’t know. Cerb fell back a bit there, but he’s charging up the field in a drunken rage, knocking out Anartonia, PAI and Enig. Aerso is now celebrating actually beating Enig, and has been KO’d by Cerb too. Minna and Ananke’s little argument has turned violent now, since Ananke has thrown Anime Daisuki at Minna, effectively taking both of them out of the race. Actually, Ananke is now the sixth victim of Cerb. Jeez he’s a violent drunk.
We’re now in the final stretch and we only have half the field left. Woon is leading, 3LiT3 in close second and La Vida holding third with Tanz, Mark, Paff, Cerb, Thanya, La Vida, Tak, Wala and Tsim all in a bunch. That was a bad move on their part because Cerb has just grabbed Wala’s canoe and knocked out half the remaining competition. Wala, Tsim, Tak, Thanya and Paff are gone. That isn’t going to help Cerb’s PolitiFact rating. La Vida’s “special cigarettes” have finally gotten the best of her and she’s just settled for a bag of Cheetos like other stoners, and Cerb has fallen over, to drunk to get up. This leaves us with four racers: Woon, 3LiT3, Tanz and Mark. A cow, a chicken, a camel and…Mark. Mark is trying to saddle up on Tanz, but Tanz has just thrown him off and charged past 3LiT3. 10 yards left. 3LiT3 is too far back to win now, Woon and Tanz are neck and neck. 5 yards. It’s Tanz, no Woon, back to Tanz. It’s…it’s…TANZORIA! Tanzoria has won the second Islander’s Cup…is what I would be saying if it wasn’t for this twenty dollar note in my pocket. Congratulations to Shelter from the Storm on your victory. May your reign be as slimy as you are. Thank you, and goodnight.
