Ater's Spam Evaluations

[Ater Nox]

Nov 24, 2015 4:45:19 GMT -5 Louisistan said:

The Taco Island Marshal Service (T.I.M.S) is a Taco Island imperial law enforcement agency within the Taco Island Department of Justice. The Marshal Service is the oldest TI imperial law enforcement agency. The T.I. Marshal Service was created by the Judiciary Act of 2015. The Marshal Service is part of the executive branch of government, and is the enforcement arm of the T.I. imperial courts. The Marshal Service is the primary agency for fugitive operations, responsible for prisoner transport, the protection of officers of the court, and for the effective operation of the judiciary. The Marshal Service operates the Witness Protection Program, and serves imperial arrest warrants.

Also it marshals Baden-Wuerttemberg's thoughts.

In a world without law, one must go to extreme lengths to survive. Louis understands this, and has acted on it. Creating a Marshal Service is a solid method of defending the people, but not all is as it seems.

Louis has been very sly here, naming it after Pope Timothy II of Alexandria. Note, Tim the Second = T.I.M.S.. Why would Louis do this? Well, frankly he is showing off. It is widely known in the lands of spam that Louis is an aspiring Pope, and by referencing previous popes in such subtle ways he is cementing his candidacy in the subconscious of the public.

There are hints of this throughout the post. 2015 has the same number of numbers as Pope does letters. The pope is an old position, as he claims that marshal service is too. The Marshal Service is the primary agency for fugitive operations, the Church is the primary agency for God. And what better Witness Protection Program is out there than becoming a Saint? None, bar digging a hole and lying in it.

So why drag Ba Wu into this. Well, Pope Benedict XVI has previously met Baden Wuerttemberg state governor Winfried Kretschmann. By 'meeting' Ba Wu in this tread, Louis is re-enacting the past meeting. The public of Baden Wuerttemberg are no doubt going to shortly raise up in arms to support Louis's bid for the Catholic Church's highest position.

This post is also underlined by a threat of violence. By using a paramilitary organisation as his basis for hinting towards his ambitions, Louis is telling us what the consequences will be if he is not made Pope. World War III is a likely possibility, as he will let nothing stand in his way.

In closing, Long Live Pope Louis.

7.8/10

[Louisistan]

evaluate this post (this is a link)

[Ater Nox]

Jan 21, 2016 4:10:04 GMT -5 Louisistan said:

Hey, Hey Aersoldorf! Look at me!!! Look at the funny coloured trout! Look at it!!!! Isn't it amazing?!

This post currently holds the record for the most disgusting thing Louis has posted this year. Not fulfilled with his usual spam diet of murder and tax evasion, nor his blatant disregard for the laws of Euclidean space, Louis has now expanded to making fun of the ill.

Michael Nelson "Mike" Trout (born August 7, 1991), nicknamed The Millville Meteor, is an American professional baseball center fielder for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Major League Baseball (MLB). However, what his Wikipedia page will not tell you is that 'The Millville Meteor' has a rare skin condition that makes him appear bright blue during full moons and unable to experience the feeling of joy and wonder.

Not only is Louis making fun of poor Mr Trout's skin condition, he is also implying that Mikey-boy isn't even human. I mean, what type of person refers to a fellow member of the human race as 'it'. Louis has crossed a line here, and will likely see himself crossed off the Christmas list of his closest friends after this terrible post is made public knowledge. To make things worse, The Big M is unable to feel amazement at anything, and yet Louis states that we should be amazed at this 'freakishly disgusting blue luminescent maggot of baseball player'. Adding salt to the wound appears to be Louis's day job.

Despite this horrible offensive post, it is quite funny. The assumption that an upstanding member of the region, Mayor Aersodorf, would be interested in making fun of a poor baseball player cursed with un-natural glowing skin is a right hoot. Further more, the idea that the Great Mayor would need font that large to be able to read the joke is funny as we all know Aerso's eyesight out performs a hawk, at least when it comes to spotting unpaid bribes.

Overall, 6.8/10

[Timothia]

While not necessarily linkable spam, how would you evaluate my little outburst? Ater Nox

[Ater Nox]

Feb 23, 2016 2:22:41 GMT -5 Timothia said:

While not necessarily linkable spam, how would you evaluate my little outburst? Ater Nox

Which outburst?

[Timothia]

Feb 23, 2016 21:22:29 GMT -5 Ater Nox said:

Feb 23, 2016 2:22:41 GMT -5 Timothia said:

While not necessarily linkable spam, how would you evaluate my little outburst? Ater Nox

Which outburst?

I posted in 40+ different threads in the matter of two hours! Is that not an outburst? If not, then I am currently experiencing major culture shock

[Ater Nox]

I am afraid that is what we around here refer to as 'a slow day in the spam office'. I'll see what I can do

[Timothia]

Spam really is different over here smh

[Louisistan]

Aug 15, 2015 13:41:44 GMT -5 Louisistan said:

"Haha! Tanz poopy head"
- George of Cambridge

[Ater Nox]

Aug 15, 2015 13:41:44 GMT -5 Louisistan said:

"Haha! Tanz poopy head"
- George of Cambridge

When you are mentioned by a member of the royal family in an official address, you know you must be someone important. Tanzoria has truly made it in the world of spam, especially if he has been singled out for mention by His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge.

One may wonder why I am so impressed by this statement by His Royal Highness, especially in comparison to one which could have be given by Her Majesty the Queen. Well, the Her Royal Majesty makes dozens of addresses each year. In his entire life, Prince George of Cambridge has made a single, pointed statement: Haha! Tanz poopy head. To understand what is truly being said here, we must first investigate the Royal Prince's credentials. Prince George comes from the House of Windsor, and is currently third in line for the British Crown. Although many commoners may not realise, the House of Windsor has a long and thorough history in the spam industry. King Edward VII was involved heavily in the British Spam Trade in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, where he was a key member of the creation of many major Spam trade routes. The wealth of the British Crown has long had backing from the Spam Industry, which leaves Prince George in position of great influence. His genetic predisposition to the procurement of spam means that in the coming years we should expect to see him climb the ranks of spammers, before completely dominating the sector by his mid to late twenties.

The rumour mill is currently aflood with rumours that Prince George has been secretly swept away to the greatest Spam School in Western Europe, allowed only to see his parents and family on rare occasions required to hold up the facade of royal life. A true genius, he has in the above post chosen to use the Honourable Delegate Louis as his mouthpiece, knowing full well that the delegate of this region holds the full authority to make his words carry the weight they should. However, despite his mastery of spam, the young prince has made a terrible mistake in selecting Louis in this case. Louis, likely due to his German heritage, has mis-transcribed the Prince's intended message. Instead, one should read the previous as 'Haha! Tanz P.O.O.P.Y. head'. What a fool. As any member of the United Kingdom Institute of Spam, or in all honesty any true spam connoisseur, would tell you, P.O.O.P.Y stands for the Purple Order Of Proud Yeomen. This organisation has, in secret, spent the last 400 or so years protecting the British Throne's spam empire from threats, both foreign and domestic. Prince George, in his undeniable wisdom, has chosen to promote Tanzoria to head of this order.

This decision, whilst final and legally binding, is an unexpected move. Most gambling websites had the next head of P.O.O.P.Y. pegged to be a member of the House of Lords, or at least a citizen of the British Isle. While it is an unorthodox choice, the outsider view that Tanz will provide the order will certainly shake things up and usher in a new age of prosperity for the UK, one which is sorely needed after the Brexit upset.

Long Live the Future King, His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge. 8.9/10

[Sorya]

I'll give you a taco for every point you give my nonexistent post.

[Ater Nox]

I am an independent evaluator, I can't be bought.

[Sorya]

Can we consider this renting temporarily?

[Boltor]

Nox evaluate more posts!

[Ater Nox]

Sept 14, 2016 2:16:23 GMT -5 Boltor said:

Nox evaluate more posts!

Quote something here for me to evaluate then.

[Tanzoria]

Mar 24, 2016 2:37:16 GMT -5 Tanzoria said:

OPENING REMARKS

Justice Louisistan, jury members, and citizens, good morning to you.

Ater Nox was born the son of West Virginia coal miner. During the Great Depression, his parents emigrated to the developing Taco Island to build a brighter future for their family. Growing up, they didn't have many material possessions, but they did have two things- community, and their love for one another. Raised amidst poverty, Ater Nox was imbued with a sense of social justice. He wanted to change the world for the better. A high achiever at his local high school, Nox was offered a scholarship to Taco Island University, at which he studied Law. In his career as a lawyer, he's had famous- and infamous- clients- but his proudest cases are the ones the media doesn't hear about. The factory workers in Rural TI suing their employers for exposing them to toxic chemicals, the farmers whose lands would have been stolen by big business if not for him, and the elderly, Shrykian mother desperately trying to prevent her son from being deported without due process, who had nowhere else to turn. Nox become recognized as champion of the common man and an enemy of injustice, which is why he was chosen to be the running mate of Tanzoria during his Presidential campaign. Tanz and Nox won that election overwhelmingly, and it seemed as if a new golden age for Taco Island had begun. That was until the intervention of the defendant, Boltor.

Public faith in institutions is the glue that holds society together. When individuals seek to break that trust, then they must be punished. Throughout his entire life, Boltor has sought to poison the relationship between individuals and government. He has spreads chaos, distrust, and fear. False rumours, like the one he spread a year ago concerning the death of the Sultan of Gingabo, are part and parcel of his sick agenda. Throughtout the course of this trial, we're going to prove to you that Boltor has made slanderous, false claims against the legitimately elected vice-president, Ater Nox.We are going to prove to you that he is criminally insane and has shown signs of suffering from dissociative identity disorder. We are going to prove to you that Boltor has links with Rwandan President Paul Kagame. Lastly, we are going to prove to you that Boltor is an ancient Mesopotamian demon.

If you find in favour of the defendant, you are recognizing his claims are true. You are condemning Ater Nox to a living hell. You are confirming the legitimacy of Boltor's cynical, twisted, myopic world view. At the conclusion of this trial, I'm are going to ask you to award Ater Nox 11,009,166 Tacos in damages. I'm confident you will make the right decision.

Thank you.

[Sorya]

I'm curious. Rate this:
10000islands.proboards.com/thread/32852/tacos-wherefore-art-thou

[Ater Nox]

Sept 15, 2016 0:28:50 GMT -5 Sorya said:

Tacos, O Tacos, wherefore art thou Tacos?

Would a Taco by any other name taste so delicious?

O, for a muse of fire that would ascend the brightest Tacos of invention.

O for a 12 pack of Doritos Locos deliciousness.

O, for the heavenly crunch of thy shell.

Forsake me not, O Taco of my dreams!

O Taco of my wishes, why must thou only come in dozens?

(Poetry courtesy of Sorya, Aersoldorf, & Tanzoria)

Wot a load of rubbish. Not only is it Carins' premier domestic, commercial and industrial rubbish removal company's name, but also what many people would say when reading Sorya's 2016 post. People, I should mention, who do not know spam. No doubt there 'uncanned meat' lovers would stick their noses up in disgust at this poem, and pronounce it terrible and not fit for human consumption. And they'd be half right, you shouldn't eat poems.

Let's set the scene. 'Tacos, O Tacos, wherefore art thou Tacos?'. Now, Sorya begins the poem bemoaning his lack of tacos, as we all do, with a take on the classically Shakespearean line. However, despite the common misinterpretation that this line begs the location of a taco, what Sorya really asks is 'Why is there Tacos?'. This question has been addressed by philosophers from Plato to the other, but none have provided satisfactory conclusion. Sorya isn't about to break that trend, but he'll march on regardless.

'Would a Taco by any other name taste so delicious?' is that next step, in the metaphorical climb up the great mountain that is true understanding of tacos. Luckily for us, Sorya is carrying some proper hiking equipment, in this case 'O for a 12 pack of Doritos Locos deliciousness.'. Taco Bell defines a Dorito Loco as 'A Taco Supreme® made with premium seasoned beef,crisp lettuce, diced juicy red ripe tomatoes, real cheddar cheese and topped with cool reduced-fat sour cream, in a shell made from Nacho Cheese Doritos® Chips'. Containing all major food groups, the reader can easily see that Sorya isn't going to become urgently malnourished after a day or two.

Now, keen observers will note that I skipped right past the third line. Proper Spam Connoisseurs will have noted that Sorya a 12 pack of Doritos Locos, and that living off these will provide a solid three meals a day. Now, polite table manners in most countries require the eaters, or eatees, to not post high quality spam while eating at the dinner table. As such, we should skip the third line for that is the proper time to eat lunch.

'O, for the heavenly crunch of thy shell.'. I'll give you a moment before I go on, you'll need it after that line. Here, Sorya just got real, as we say on the streets. Spamming can be all fun and games, with out Doritos and our philosophical interpretation of food, but sometimes we need to face some pretty horrible situations. In the early 20th century, thousands of soldiers returned home from the Great War with a debilitating case of Shell Shock. Shell. Shock. What is more shocking than an unexpected crunch, regardless of its position on the heavenly or hellish scale? Sorya is telling the reader that we need to provide more funding to the returning troops of war.

Now, after such a strong political statement, the reader is left wondering what is next. For Sorya, it is bed time, to dream of tacos. 'Forsake me not, O Taco of my dreams!' is a plea for his Taco to reach out in a dream and contact him. www.edreaminterpretation.org/ has this to say on tacos:

Taco
/Food /T /Taco
The taco is a dream symbol of possibilities.

If you dream of eating one, you’re off to a fresh start in your life.

If you dream of eating a lot of tacos all at once, this suggests that you are procrastinating or making excuses about something.

If you leave a taco half-eaten in your dream, this suggests you may have problems moving forward with conviction.

The spicier the taco ingredients are, the greater the chance your flexibility will soon be tested.

To dream of a giant taco shell suggests that you have an inflated opinion of yourself or someone else. You may be expressing a desire to be more dominant in some situation or relationship.

I have nothing to add.

Last of all, we see a final plea from Sorya. 'O Taco of my wishes, why must thou only come in dozens?'. This is no doubt a little cryptic for you, so let me spell it out. Taco of my wishes is an anagram for Come to Fishways, an invitation to visit a fishway, or a fish ladder. This is possibly the most romantic date idea Sorya can come up with. The dozens refers to a dozen roses, of which he will bring to his date on Valentine's Day at the Taco Island Fish Ladder. To whom is this invitation addressed to? Simple. Sorya then proceeds to 'give' 'credit' to himself, Aerso and Tanz. Aerso and Tanz are clearly a stand in for Sorya's lover, and so if we subtract their forum account numbers and find the account we are left with, we can determine he has a hopeless crush on Korallia.

Overall, the spam was a bit long, but the love letter was cute af bae. 6.9/10.

[Louisistan]

Jan 28, 2018 16:21:32 GMT -5 Louisistan said:

Jemand musste Josef K. verleumdet haben, denn ohne dass er etwas Böses getan hätte, wurde er eines Morgens verhaftet

[Tanzoria]

I miss Nox

[Louisistan]

I do too.

[Jabberwocky]

Who currently sits on the Spam Evaluation Board?

[Tanzoria]

It's been retired in his honour

[Louisistan]

Until his glorious return.

[Tanzoria]

The Glorious Revolution

[Jabberwocky]

It's a spam revolution.