Stealing Candy From a Baby

[Coyotemen]

All righty...in this thread you name a candy and the next poster comes up with a story of how they stole that candy from a baby...it can be as wild and crazy as you want it.

Snickers

[Twobagger]

Well, according to Coyotemen, this is the next step in my hardened criminal's progression.
So.

One day, I was walking down the street, and I noticed a mother taking her baby out for a walk. However, the mother didn't seem too bright. The first minor sign was her crossing the street in the middle of heavy, 70 mph traffic. But that wasn't too bad, compared to her other offense against humankind.
She let her baby have a Snickers candy bar.
Everyone knows babies don't have the teeth to chew something like that, or the cultured gullet to appreciate it. Having both, I decided on the only good outcome: I was going to steal the Snickers bar.
To do so, I was going to have to distract both the mom and the baby. The mom was easy, I just pointed behind her and said "Oh my gosh, what's that?" The mom spun around, leaving her baby unattended for a priceless few seconds.
But the baby would not be fooled so easily.
I tried to just snatch the candy, but the baby had an iron grip on it. So I paused to think of my next move. Half an hour later, the mom had figured out my diabolical plot, and swung around, ready to dispatch me and keep the Snickers in custody of the Evil One. With no other option, I gave the baby a short, light, slap to the left temple, which caused it to drop the Snickers bar, which I proceeded to grab and then run like all-get-out.

Hersheys.

PS Coyotemen, is there a car-jacking thread?

[Girlsandboys]

More specifically, Hersheys kisses...Sinn's gfriend gave'm to 'm as a Valentine's Day gift last year and he's a big baby cause he still has his stuffed animal decorating his bedroom.
( to say nothin' of the pail blue stained remnant of a lil blanket with the satin edges chewed off). One evening when Sinn went out on a hot date, I telephoned his Mom and told her I was an old schoolmate/friend and that Sinn had agreed to help me with my homework but that he'd forgotten to give me my notes back. Sinn's Mom invited me over, and after tea (when I revealed to her many of the things he does on the sly) I went to his bedroom and saw the heart shaped box with the kisses. I ate them all, but was sure to toss the wrappers in his rubbish bin. ( Not being American he prolly doesn't call it trash). I'm hoping this year he'll receive more and better candies/>Brit.'Sweets'< from his love.

peanut M&Ms

[Sinn Féin's Ireland]

Alright then.

Gambi just loves her Peanut M&Ms. As a child she lost all her milk teeth due to over eating them. Now all grown up, and on instructions by her dentist not to go back to the bad old days, Gambi lives the healthy life style. Or so she says.... One day last week i was visiting Palermo where i chanced upon the eponymous heroine, and proceeded to look, unbeknown to her upon the most hedonistic act of M&M gorging! Being the benevolent spirit that i am, and not wishing thousands of pounds worth of dental repair work on her, I dashed forwards, and whipped the freshly opened bag from within her grasp! As the sun faded, leaving the startled -but now dentally prudent- Gambi, I dashed into the distance....if i had had a horse, it would have been galloping majestically.

Cadbury's mini eggs.

[Girlsandboys]

Everyone knows our soon to retire Mayor is a curious fella...That's why he was chasing around a goose that lays golden eggs. His romantic imagination had so focused on the new lady in his life, that he was dreaming of her day and night, and he hoped to give her some golden eggs. Little did he know that she is already mother to triplets, one of whom is as intrepid as he is, and was determinedly won the premature easter egg treasure hunt. I didn't want to burst the Mayor's bubble, so when the triplets were seen sharing the Cadbury mini-eggs one of'm had won in the treasure hunt while their Mom spoke to Coyoteman on the phone, I flashed into the room like a witch from Charming and ripped away their eggs. Our Mayor, is still chasing the goose.

un bacio ( a rice krispie and chocolate covered 'kiss' made by perugina- wrapped in multi lingual love fortune)

[Coyotemen]

It appears that our great Senator GnB has two children, one a girl and one a boy. She thought that she'd buy them some extra candy since they hadn't screamed all day. Little did she know that Coyotemen's secret service agents had been sent on a mission to obtain un bacios at the cheapest price possible. Since these bacios were in the hands of babies, they thought "What better way to get them than steal them from babies who don't scream?" After devising a genius plan, the good looking agent went to GnB and asked if she had ever taken karate...because her body was kickin'! Gambi immediately forgot about her kids and began making love eyes at Coyotemen's masterful secret service agent. At this point, the other agent lowered himself from the ceiling vent and stole the bacios from the babies...and they didn't even scream. Then the good looking agent said..."Well, it's been nice talking to you...bye!" At this Gambi broke down in front of him and cried and tried to get his phone number...as he left, she followed him in her car...and to this day she still stalks him... ;D

Sweetarts

[The Candy Lane]

am i the only one wo finds this thread a bit offensive???

[Girlsandboys]

Once upon a time happy children would dress up as zoro, pirates, ghosts, aliens, princesses etc. and go knocking on neighbors' doors Halloween night. One old cantankerous man that lived in the 'hood was too cheap to buy candy to give them, and too dull to have any tricks up his sleeve, xcept for his nasty trick of distributing OLD candy. Specifically the candy left over from Valentines Day 8 months earlier. The costumed children found his behavior repulsive and networked to create a charity fund that they added all their old tasteless stale candy to. They placed the cellophane windowed boxes of sweethearts in a trust fund for Candy Lane. He saw his name on the trustfund and decided to abscond with it before the children had grown up and deceased naturally, because he couldn't wait to receive his inheritance. That is why Candy Lane today is decorated with street signs that say things like; Be Mine, I Love, Yours Truly, Your Heart, etc etc etc...

Mars Bars

[Twobagger]

Well, once upon a time, Twobagger went to the store to buy some Mars Bars, but just as he got there, he saw that G&B had taken the last one. Remembering that G&B was somewhat vulnerable to attractive special agents with cheesy come-on lines, he asked her for her pants, as he'd ripped his when he'd fallen for her. He intended to make a swipe at the Mars Bars when G&B melted before his unbelievably awesome line and wrote down her phone number. However, she was apparently not as receptive to his charm and wit, as she inexplicably belted him one across the face. The force knocked him into several boxes of candy, and he was about to cry and mope all night about this travesty when he noticed that he'd fallen into two unopened boxes of Mars Bars. So he threw one box at G&B's head as he hightailed it back to his own place to enjoy his stash in peace and away from evil girls such as G&B who have nothing better to do than dash men's dreams of ever getting any candy.

Twinkies.

[Girlsandboys]

APPALLED and disgusted by Enigmatic's encouragring his children to partake in South Carolina's tradition of deep frying and then dipping in chocolate, twinkies on the beach, combined with the grotesque and distasteful practise of exporting the result to SF with cans of coca cola that when consumed togethor, create a lethal situation to mayors and advisors (read Dan White's tempoary insanity plea) I decided to SAVE LIVES by distracting his kids, throwing a beach ball at their Dad's head, which after having richoched away, they were inspired to chase. I said, hand me your twinkies, I'll protect them for you until you return. Instead, I absconded off with the Twinks, and ditched them in the nearest waste bin available, then disappeared.

Lollipops

[Coyotemen]

As I was walking down the street one dark and gloomy day, I noticed a small baby sitting on the side of the road eating a lollipop...his mother's back turned, I snuck up and tried to take the lollipop from the baby...but just then an army came in and began pushing me back. I brought some of my friends in to try to take this awesome candy lollipop, but we kept getting pushed back farther and farther. After this had gone on for a day or so, we all fell backwards and were ejected from this area. I then received a text message on my phone saying, "You're battle was worthy, but remember that TITO will always reign over you invaders."

Toblerone

[Hockeynutville]

...I think you're all a bunch of sick pedophiles...

[Guncrazy Marksmen]

I was in a coffee shop one day when i noticed that a mother had bought a toblerone for her baby. I thought this outrageous, seeing as the baby had no teeth to eat it with. I devised a diabolical plan to get the precious chocolate.
When they left the coffee shop I followed them down the sidewalk until we came to a park. This is where is struck. I whipped out my concealed tranquilizer gun and shot the mother in the neck with a dart. She fell harmlessly to the grass. I rushed over to the carriage to see the innocent eyes of the child staring up at me, wondering what i was doing and why he had stopped moving. I reached for the candy only to have my hand bitten by the child. I withdrew it immediately and moved in more cautiously this time. using one hand to hold back the child's head i grabbed the toblerone from it's grasp and laughed triumphantly in the child's face. I then proceeded to eat it in front of him, taunting. The baby seemed to be getting angry with me when i heard footsteps around the bend. I quickly dove into the bushes and away to enjoy my spoils.

[Guncrazy Marksmen]

woops, ummmmm, one of those big tootsie rolls.

[SovietPrussia]

stealing candy from a baby?

It's called redistribution

[The Candy Lane]

well wo could resist??

[Boltor]

Someone steal for me a sweet lollipop.

[bichons]

So I go to the bank to make a deposit. And they usually have lollipops there, either the Dum Dums or the Saf-T-Pops. But unfortunately they're for little kids. So, I clone myself a mini-me, and get a lollipop for you. Now, how do I get rid of mini-me?

So, now I want M&Ms

[Bletheropolis: the cat sleeps]

I cast a spell to create a temporary, scaled down doppelganger of me. mini-doppler totters into the park looking adorable, and looks for kids with M&Ms. she finds one, beats one up behind a bush and runs off with the packet.

I want a dozen Snickers Bars! (talk about candy overdose!)

[Boltor]

Give me candy!

[0scar Wilde/ATT]

Capitalists steal redistribution from a little communist baby and turn a profit from it. OH YEAH, redistribution is a most delicious candy.

Candy cane

[Lichto]

So Santa flies to my house one night (yeah, it's that night). He's making a ton of noise on my roof, so's I gets on the top of da house, and I rip him a new one. His reindeer don't like that, but I gots my AR wid me, so I's going to pop em in da heads. Turns out good ol' St. Nick gots a baby crying on da sleigh. I ignore it, but grab the candy cane it's holding. I goes through Santa's bag o' goodies, finds myself a good few prizes, and I gets on my way.

Milky Way Dark

[0scar Wilde/ATT]

It was a dark and stormy night. The wind squalled. I was walking through streets long ago deserted when I spotted the hobo babies huddled around a trashcan vomiting flames. There was a small wagon with a gypsy baby sleeping in. In his tired gypsy baby hand was a Milky Way Dark. I yelled as loud as I could. The baby started. Before he could react I was running off with his Milky Way Dark. Then he cursed me for eternity or something. Whatever.

Lemonheads

[Bletheropolis: the cat sleeps]

*takes a deep breath to centre herself and gather energy. then she channels that torrent of crackling energy into a lemon that's on the open palm of a sweet little girl-child. the lemon grows and starts to split, shedding light and lemony fresh scent. then it bursts open to reveal... lemonheads. while the kid is blinking from the flash of light when the lemon burst, Blether makes off with the lemonheads.*

strawberry liqourice sticks

[0scar Wilde/ATT]

In a land where the sun always shone bright, there was a field that grew strawberry licorice. It was there for everybody to pick freely. Nobody wanted for food, their sustanence being provided by the strawberry licorice sticks. Even the babies ate the strawberry licorice. The upper crust all got their strawberry licorice by stealing it from babies. Which was univerally considered the fashionable thing, in the quick set, by the witty types. And thus ends the story of how I became Earl of a mystical land.

Red Hots

[SovietPrussia]

stealing candy from a baby - sounds like my economic system

[Canton Rouge]

So as I was going over the Cork and Kerry mountains, I saw a little kid and the red hots he was counting. I first produced a mask, and then produced a scare. I said, "Stand and Deliver, or the devil he may take ya."

So anyways, I took all of his red hots, and it was a pretty sight. I took all of his red hots, and I brought 'em home to my friend. But about or maybe seven, in walks that kid again. I jumped up, fired off many scares, and frightened him. So now, here I am in prison, here I am with a ball and chain.

Skittles

[0scar Wilde/ATT]

I got drunk and beat up a rainbow. Skittles came out. Then a baby ran past and took the skittles. But I was drunk, so I stole the skittles from the baby. Then he stole my booze.

Red Vines.

[Three Prongs]

I was stoned, and I killed some baby with THIS thumb, then ate it.

Dope

[Echolilia]

I don't think that's the "candy" that was meant.

Pez